- 竿一本干し物減って娘は嫁ぎ
さおいっぽんほしものへってむすめはとつぎ
Our clothesline got
Shorter after our
daughter married.
(4/5/4)
3 Likes
- 竿一本干し物減って娘は嫁ぎ
さおいっぽんほしものへってむすめはとつぎ
With greater emphasis on 竿一本:
A single pole
Fewer clothes to dry
Daughter’s married.
(4/5/4)
Just one shaft
Shorter clothesline
Daughter’s wed.
(3/4/3)
2 Likes
Monday, May 1, 2023
Previous senryu
- 竿一本干し物減って娘は嫁ぎ
さおいっぽん・ほしものへって・じょうこはとつぎ
A single pole / fewer clothes to dry — /Daughter’sthe girl’s married.
Notes:
-
I can’t figure out any way to count the original as a 5/7/5 no matter what I do! I don’t think you’re allowed to break a word in the middle.
-
If you count the sokuon in the first stanza, the best I can get is 6/7/6. If you don’t count the sokuon, then the middle stanza is only 6 音. Surely you can’t count it in one place, but not in the other?
-
The last stanza is either 6 or 7 depending on whether you read it 娘 or 娘. I’ve chosen the shorter reading (6/7/6 seems better somehow than 6/7/7).
Current senryu challenge
Volume: Corona
- 出勤が 運動だったと 気付く腹
This one seems pretty straightforward (famous last words).
My attempt:
I’m interpreting this as “My belly recognizes that going to work was exercise.”
Belly caught on:
just going to work
was exercise
(4/5/4)
I really struggled to keep the first stanza to 4音. I was pretty happy to come up with “caught on” as a two syllable English word for 気づく！
Remember to please use the spoiler tag with your translation attempts! Also, please include the reading in kana with your submission.
Everyone is encouraged to participate, no matter your level! Questions and comments are as valued as translation submissions.
Please try not to be disappointed if your translation isn’t selected or if you disagree with the daily choice: the judge isn’t terribly consistent with his grading (and has awful taste!).
Online tools like dictionaries, sentence databases, and even AI translation engines are fair game and can be extremely helpful. Yomichan is particularly handy if you use the Chrome or Firefox browser. The 語源由来辞典 is also an excellent resource for researching the etymology of various words and expressions.
Here are the links to the 356 Japanese originals (spoiler free) and to the the spreadsheet with all the upcoming senryu as well as the translations to date.
3 Likes
5/6/5
Work commute once was
My exercise, now grasp
Pandemic belly
3 Likes
Both of you forgot to include the reading in kana! 
しゅっきんがうんどうだったときづくはら
my stomach
realized that work was
exercise
4 Likes
It’s a fair cop.
I do prefer it if people break the original reading into stanzas so I can count 音 too, though.
Ideally separated with ・ rather than spaces or slashes, but I can take care of that.
I try to do it myself when I remember, but it’s easier to cut and paste.
1 Like
しゅっきんが うんどうだったと きづくはら
3-5-3
“The commute
was work out!” observes
my belly
My interpretation of 出勤 is “going to work,” or daily commute to work. Absence of it = a bigger, wise cracking ストマック.
4 Likes
I got a message from my 日本語先生 (whom I had consulted a long while ago about another 川柳), mentioning that she reads this thread from time to time. As I told her, 今も川柳ページをよんでいて、すごいです!
She made a comment about the previous 川柳.
先生のコメント:
「竿一本干し物減って娘は嫁ぎ」の「娘」の詠み、「じょう」と結論付けていますが、この場合は「こ」と詠みます。そうすれば、５音にもなりますね。
I was truly flattered that 先生 took an interest in our efforts and provided her input. ありがとうございます先生！
3 Likes
先生によろしくお伝えください。いい勉強になりました！
I thought the こ reading had a strong flavor of simply “girl” rather than literal “daughter”, but I just realized the poem still works with that overt meaning, even in English. It more indirectly implies daughter!
New translation:
- 竿一本干し物減って娘は嫁ぎ
さおいっぽん・ほしものへって・こはとつぎ
(6/7/5)A single pole
fewer clothes to dry —
the girl’s married.
(4/5/4)
Thursday, May 4, 2023
Previous senryu
- 出勤が 運動だったと 気付く腹
しゅっきんが・うんどうだったと・きづくはら“Commuting was
a work-out!”: gut
observation
(4/5/4)
Notes:
-
Another one with dubious 音 counts. Does the 促音 count or not? It’s either a 5/8/5 or a 4/7/5.
-
I tried to riff on everyone’s contribution. I’m not completely satisfied, but I like that it doesn’t add anything not in the original, incorporates a four syllable word, and manages to work in an English play on words! The word-play even involves our favorite grammatical topic: transitivity.
Current senryu challenge
Volume: Husbands
- ボーナス日妻が鵜匠の顔に見え
Hints:
A visual clue
Remember to please use the spoiler tag with your translation attempts! Also, please include the reading in kana with your submission.
Everyone is encouraged to participate, no matter your level! Questions and comments are as valued as translation submissions.
Please try not to be disappointed if your translation isn’t selected or if you disagree with the daily choice: the judge isn’t terribly consistent with his grading (and has awful taste!).
Online tools like dictionaries, sentence databases, and even AI translation engines are fair game and can be extremely helpful. Yomichan is particularly handy if you use the Chrome or Firefox browser. The 語源由来辞典 is also an excellent resource for researching the etymology of various words and expressions.
Here are the links to the 356 Japanese originals (spoiler free) and to the the spreadsheet with all the upcoming senryu as well as the translations to date.
3 Likes
Administrivia:
I’m still not updating the spreadsheet with the translations, nor am I updating the links in the original post any longer.
I finally got smart though: I’m just marking the most recent assignment as the “solution” to the thread. One click is sufficiently little effort that I may actually be able to keep it up going forward.
Now, anyone can always view the most recent assignment by expanding the solution shown in the top post.
I’m pretty sure it does, it certainly counts as one mora, at least
しゅっきんが ・うんどうだったと・きづくはら
5/8/5
3 Likes
Yup, that’s how I’d count it, too. I was just pointing that you’d have to count it in the first stanza but not in the second if you wanted to call it a normal 5/7/5 (senryu aren’t super strict about counts, obviously).
1 Like
ボーナスび・つまがうしょうの・かおにみえ
5-7-5
Wife’s face, that of a
cormorant fisherman’s, on
my bonus payday.
Quite humorous, but I can’t get no satisfaction from my translation, - it’s awkward. But, not much one can do with “cormorant fisherman,” is there?
1 Like
Lol.
Hardly poetic words in English, for sure.
I’ll accept using “ujou” directly in the English submissions. We will include a footnote with the translation.
I’ll also accept a logical substitution for “cormorant fisherman” that conveys anything similar (i.e. a somewhat specific type of hunter of some sort).
Also – new rule going forward:
All reading submissions must display the stanza breaks, individual 音 counts, and summary counts exactly as demonstrated by @Redglare
しゅっきんが ・うんどうだったと・きづくはら
5/8/5
Using a script to assist or typing the <ruby> tags explicitly is left as an option to the submitter.
This would have been perfect for April Fools Day!
You’re a funny man, sir
Even just the thing I typed up with the furigana script took annoyingly long time:
2 Likes
- ボーナス日妻が鵜匠の顔に見え
ボーナスひ・つまがうしょうの・かおにみえ
(5/7/5)
On bonus day
Wife’s face glints like a
Falconer’s eye
(4/5/4)
4 Likes
Take two
ボーナス日妻が鵜匠の顔に見え
4-5-4
Her face, with that
“gimme!” look… Wifey
on bonus day.
2 Likes