- ボーナス日妻が鵜匠の顔に見え
ボーナスひ・つまがうしょうの・かおにみえ
(5/7/5)
Two more stanzas, both 4/5/4:
Wife’s face wears a
Predatory look
On bonus day.
(4/5/4)
On bonus day
Wifey lies in wait
Ready to pounce.
(4/5/4)
2 Likes
I think we can do better. I think we somehow need to work in an implication similar to pulling a poor, frustrated bird with a fish in its gullet back into the boat:
Tough one for sure, but I’ll let this one simmer for a while longer (no more spoilers necessary).
I see what you mean, but it’s not going to be easy to fit everything into one 3-line stanza.
We would probably have to lose something from this list:
bonus
day
wife
cormorant fisherman
face
appearance
in order to add something suggestive of the ideas in this list:
poor/frustrated
bird
fish
gullet
boat
preferably without straying too far from the literal translations you favour.
@fallynleaf Any thoughts?
2 Likes
- ボーナス日妻が鵜匠の顔に見え
ボーナスひ・つまがうしょうの・かおにみえ
(5/7/5)
On bonus day
She’d love to wrest it
From my gullet.
(4/5/4)
2 Likes
ボーナス日妻が鵜匠の顔に見え
Take 3
3-5-3
Wife’s face is
pickpocket’s face - my
bonus day
1 Like
Hmm… let’s see…
ボーナスひ・つまがうしょうの・かおにみえ
bonus day: wife
looks to pry my catch
from my gullet
3 Likes
Nicely done!
1 Like
Please help me decide by voting! (Anonymously – names not shown)
Pole closes the day after tomorrow.
ボーナス日妻が鵜匠の顔に見え
ボーナスひ・つまがうじょうの・かおにみえ
ボーナス日妻が鵜匠の顔に見え (ボーナスひ・つまがうしょうの・かおにみえ
- Her face, with that / “gimme!” look: wifey / on bonus day (4/5/4)
- Wife’s face wears a / predatory look / on bonus day (4/5/4)
- Wife’s face is / pickpocket’s face - my / bonus day (3/5/3)
- bonus day: wife / looks to pry my catch / from my gullet (3/5/3)
- Wife’s face like / a fly fisherman: / bonus day (3/5/3)
- Wife’s face like an / ujou fisherman / on bonus day (4/5/4)
0 voters
The last two are my contributions. “Fly fisherman” is more likely to be familiar (but doesn’t get the point across of someone/something else doing the work of catching the “fish”). The last one is the most direct translation, but requires familiarity with 鵜匠 fishing. I’m torn!
Huh. Apparently either reading is acceptable. I’m pretty sure I’ve heard it as うじょう, not うしょう.
1 Like
Note from 日本語先生 on pronunciation of 「日」in 「ボーナス日」
「ボーナス日妻が鵜匠の顔に見え」の「ボーナス日」は「ボーナス『ひ』」ではなく「ボーナス『び』」と読みます。
Therefore, the kana reading is:
ボーナスび・つまがうしょうの・かおにみえ
先生、いつもお世話になっております。
6 Likes
This is a VERY dated reference, and it took me a while to track down a link to it, but this reading reminded me of something that cracked me up a quarter century ago.
It was a 我慢 style reality TV show involving a young comedian who called himself ナスビ:
The premise of the show is explained in the first video. Basically, they locked this poor guy in an apartment room for over a year (!) with absolutely NOTHING (he was buck naked the entire time). He was totally dependent on what he received from people after writing postcards (prize drawings). Each week you’d see what he’d win (and people/companies can be very cruel!).
Honestly one of the strangest and funniest things I’ve ever seen on television (as harsh as it was!). Seeing what he would request each week was as fascinating as seeing what he received. The gratitude or disappointment in his face was very real, and fascinating to see. His personality was quite funny (he lost all shame of his nakedness within the first hour!).
I doubt anything like this will ever be made again (a good thing, I think). The second video points out how crushingly boring and lonely the off-camera moments were. He really was in isolation the entire time. He unsurprisingly went a little nuts by the end of the experience. The last few episodes really weren’t funny any more.
Wednesday, May 10, 2023
Previous senryu
- ボーナス日妻が鵜匠の顔に見え
ボーナスび・つまがうしょうの・かおにみえ
bonus day: wife / looks to pry my catch / from my gullet
Notes:
-
Vox populi, vox dei. Or at least vox rex.
-
Note the corrected reading (though I still suspect うじょう). This one needs a footnote about cormorant fishing!
Current senryu challenge
Volume: Intense
- 初恋が結婚後だからややこしい
Yikes. Looking forward to reading everyone’s submissions.
My attempt:
けつこいが・けっこんごだから・ややこしい
Ah, first love!
It’s complicated,
I’m married
(3/5/3)
Remember to please use the spoiler tag with your translation attempts! Also, please include the reading in kana with your submission.
Everyone is encouraged to participate, no matter your level! Questions and comments are as valued as translation submissions.
Please try not to be disappointed if your translation isn’t selected or if you disagree with the daily choice: the judge isn’t terribly consistent with his grading (and has awful taste!).
Online tools like dictionaries, sentence databases, and even AI translation engines are fair game and can be extremely helpful. Yomichan is particularly handy if you use the Chrome or Firefox browser. The 語源由来辞典 is also an excellent resource for researching the etymology of various words and expressions.
Here are the links to the 356 Japanese originals (spoiler free) and to the the spreadsheet with all the upcoming senryu as well as the translations to date.
3 Likes
はつこいが・けっこんごだから・ややこしい
3-4-3
In a tough
spot: post wedding
puppy love
With a non-spouse, surely. Otherwise 川柳がない。
5 Likes
Friday, May 26, 2023
Previous senryu
- 初恋が結婚後だからややこしい
けつこいが・けっこんごだから・ややこしい
Ah, first love! / It’s complicated / post marriage(3/5/3)
Notes:
- Mea culpa! Sorry for the hiatus, it’s been a busy couple of weeks.
Current senryu challenge
Volume: Universal Truths
- 追伸が本文になるラブレター
No hint nor attempt from me today. Didn’t want to lose another day though!
Remember to please use the spoiler tag with your translation attempts! Also, please include the reading in kana with your submission.
Everyone is encouraged to participate, no matter your level! Questions and comments are as valued as translation submissions.
Please try not to be disappointed if your translation isn’t selected or if you disagree with the daily choice: the judge isn’t terribly consistent with his grading (and has awful taste!).
Online tools like dictionaries, sentence databases, and even AI translation engines are fair game and can be extremely helpful. Yomichan is particularly handy if you use the Chrome or Firefox browser. The 語源由来辞典 is also an excellent resource for researching the etymology of various words and expressions.
Here are the links to the 356 Japanese originals (spoiler free) and to the the spreadsheet with all the upcoming senryu as well as the translations to date.
1 Like
My attempt:
- 追伸が本文になるラブレター
ついしんが・ほんぶんになる・ラブレター (5/7/5)
Postscripts are
love letters to the
main sentence
(3/5/3)
Nah that’s just wrong. Withdrawn.
This might capture the meaning better:
Postscript is
the main thought in my
love letter
(3/5/3)
2 Likes
Here’s a 3/4/3, aiming more for the sense than for a literal translation:
PS turned
into a whole
love letter
3 Likes
my attempt! after a long leave of senryu absence.
追伸が本文になるラブレター
ついしんが ほんぶんになる ラブレター
love letter where
“PS” becomes
the whole thing
2 Likes