(The increasingly less) Daily senryu thread

Japanese Language Reading
1489

Then you feel that “Honey?” she calls me sweetly … I take out the trash doesn’t work?

She called, then I take out – A did X, then B did Y.

1 Like
1490

I think that’s a fine translation, just not a literal one. The verb in the original is わたす to hand over, not だす to take out.

5 Likes
1491

LOL!

You are absolutely right! Somehow I get interpretations in my head without actually reading。I’d have sworn this read 「お父さん」やさしく呼んでゴミを出す – I think my brain checked out after ゴミ.

I stand corrected.

My interpretation (not in senryu form):

“Honey?” she calls sweetly, handing me the garbage.

Your translation is spot on.

After playing with it, here’s mine as a 3-5-3:

“Papa?” called / sweetly while handing / me garbage

It occurs to me that the speaker could be a child or a wife.

3 Likes
1492
  1. 「お父さん」やさしく呼んでゴミわたす
    おとうさんやさしくよんでゴミわたす

5-5-2

Honey! Sweetly called
While handing over
The trash

4-5-3

Honey! Slathered [Dipped? ==> 3]
Words whilst transferring
The rubbish

3-6-3

A cloying
Dear! While handing over
The garbage

6 Likes
1493
  1. 「お父さん」やさしく呼んでゴミわたす
    おとうさんやさしくよんでゴミわたす

Sweetheart
Here you are
The trash

2/3/2

6 Likes
1494

Sorry to quote myself, but this reminds me of something.

I often think of senryu as three separate stanzas. There’s a cadence, a rhythm with the good ones, like telling a joke.

「お父さん」やさしく呼んでゴミを出す

Parses weirdly as a single sentence.

But it isn’t weird if you think of them as different stanzas:

「お父さん」
やさしく呼んで
ゴミを出す

With a different speaker (new sentence, different point of view) for the third stanza. I was imagining a storyteller saying the first stanza in a high-pitched, sweet voice, then the third (the punchline) in a gruffer voice from his own perspective.

Obviously, I was just flat wrong (as usual) with this one. But I wonder if we are too quick to try to interpret these as single sentences in general.

1495
  1. 「お父さん」やさしく呼んでゴミわたす
    おとうさんやさしくよんでゴミわたす

Honey! She coos
Sweetly in my ear
Take the garbage

4/5/4

5 Likes
1496

Apologies, all. I’m currently en route to the east coast. I intended to update this thread before I left, but ran out of time.

Should be able to update tomorrow. :crossed_fingers:

2 Likes
1497

I’m a little late, but I’ll throw in my attempt:

“Darling husband”
Sweetly said as she
Hands me the trash

Edit to add some commentary:

I’m assuming that the use of お父さん is similar to english speaking parents calling each other dad or mom, which I take as partly an endearment, but also partly just a statement of the relationship. I used “husband” in my take to carry that sense, without the weirdness that using “dad” might entail

6 Likes
1498

Friday, January 27, 2023

Mea culpa!

Sorry, things have been a bit crazy around here for the past few weeks. I’m back home now, though.

Previous senryu

42.「お父さん」やさしく呼んでゴミわたす
おとうさんやさしくよんでゴミわたす
Tenderly / calls, “Daddy?” Then hands / me the trash

Notes:

  • Sorry for picking my own 3-5-3 again, but I tried to keep it as direct a translation as possible.

  • I realized it could be the mother (wife) or a child doing the calling and passing, so I didn’t want to use “honey,” “husband”, or other endearments that don’t mean father. “Papa,” “daddy,” or something similar seemed best.

  • I tried to eliminate any pronouns since they also aren’t present in the original (I used “she calls” and “she hands me” at first, showing my inner sexist self).

  • The humor actually seems to work better in English since the surprise/punchline can be the final word. SVO FTW! (The humor comes from it being garbage that was passed, not the act of passing something itself.)

Current senryu challenge

Volume: Salaryman

  1. 「時間よ」と 二度寝する妻 起きる俺

I think 時間 is just “time to get up” and the husband is annoyed that the wife gets to sleep in, but I’m not completely certain.

Remember to please use the spoiler tag with your translation attempts! Also, please include the reading in kana with your submission.

Everyone is encouraged to participate, no matter your level! Questions and comments are as valued as translation submissions.

Please try not to be disappointed if your translation isn’t selected or if you disagree with the daily choice: the judge isn’t terribly consistent with his grading (and has awful taste!).
Online tools like dictionaries, sentence databases, and even AI translation engines are fair game and can be extremely helpful. Yomichan is particularly handy if you use the Chrome or Firefox browser. The 語源(ごげん)由来(ゆらい)辞典(じてん) is also an excellent resource for researching the etymology of various words and expressions.

Here are the links to the 356 Japanese originals (spoiler free) and to the the spreadsheet with all the upcoming senryu as well as the translations to date.

2 Likes
1499

「じかんよ」と にどねするつま おきるおれ

waking up to
“it’s time!” as my wife
goes back to sleep

This one was a little tough fitting it into a 4-5-4 in English; a bit of information had to be lost. Here’s a 5-7-5 that’s a bit more of a direct translation (at least, as far as I understand the poem, haha. Could be wrong!):

waking up to my
wife saying “hey, it’s time!” as
she goes back to sleep

6 Likes
1500

Sunday, January 29, 2023

Previous senryu

  1. 「時間よ」と 二度寝する妻 起きる俺
    「じかんよ」と にどねするつま おきるおれ
    waking up to / “it’s time!” as my wife / goes back to sleep

@fallynleaf is right. This one is tough to make into English without straying pretty far.

This is better than anything I came up with.

Current senryu challenge

Volume: Heartfelt

  1. 少しだけ手をあげ我娘とすれちがい

Okay. I’m going to need a lot more coffee or help from you all to be certain I understand this one.

At first glance, I think it’s saying that lending a hand (with your spouse) causes arguments (or maybe helping “just a little”?). It seems to say that “lending a small helping hand” is at cross-purposes with keeping a marriage intact.

Remember to please use the spoiler tag with your translation attempts! Also, please include the reading in kana with your submission.

Everyone is encouraged to participate, no matter your level! Questions and comments are as valued as translation submissions.

Please try not to be disappointed if your translation isn’t selected or if you disagree with the daily choice: the judge isn’t terribly consistent with his grading (and has awful taste!).
Online tools like dictionaries, sentence databases, and even AI translation engines are fair game and can be extremely helpful. Yomichan is particularly handy if you use the Chrome or Firefox browser. The 語源(ごげん)由来(ゆらい)辞典(じてん) is also an excellent resource for researching the etymology of various words and expressions.

Here are the links to the 356 Japanese originals (spoiler free) and to the the spreadsheet with all the upcoming senryu as well as the translations to date.

1 Like
1501

My problem with this one is the syllable counting:

すこしだけ てをあげわがむすめと すれちがい

seems the obvious reading but it’s 5/10/5… presumably there’s a 2-syllable reading for 我娘 ?

Here’s a 4-6-4 attempt:

Pass my daughter
On the street : just a slight
wave of the hand

I think this is about a parent/teenager dynamic – you happen to pass by in public but actually stopping to talk to them would be hopelessly uncool and embarrassing for them, so you just kind of make a little hand gesture as you pass…

9 Likes
1502

It should be わがこ - which is still 5-8-5, but less egregious than 5-10-5.

I also don’t know where you’re getting spouse from @Rrwrex , 我娘 should be “my daughter” :smiley:

7 Likes
1503

I read it as 我婚(われこん) initially (which my brain “heard” and confused with 割れる). I thought it was about marriage, not daughters, but maybe it’s がこ or わこ？

(Time for a bigger font or better reading glasses)

2 Likes
1504

I really like and agree with @pm215 's interpretation. I also agree with @Rrwrex that 我娘 may be わこ. In my dictionary, 我 can be ‘I, me, oneself’ as わ, but ‘obstinacy, the self, the ego’ as が.

My own first thought was a bit different, though. I thought something like:

すこしだけ てをあげわこと すれちゃがい

Just a tiny wave
Of my hand to a girl who
Passes unaware

5-7-5

That would make it heartfelt, but in a different, more sad (or maybe awkward?) way. What do you all think? Which is more likely, @pm215 's, mine, or both? My interpretation came about because it was the first thing I thought when I saw すれちがい means crossing paths without meeting (n).

1 Like
1505

Nah. As usual, @Myria is almost certainly correct. I think the “our” usage of the word most commonly uses the わが reading.

But maybe it could also be “my daughter” rather “our daughter”. Which means it could be read わ、が、or even あ according to my dictionaries.

I’m also pretty sure that 娘 implies a true daughter, not any young woman (though it can be used to mean that sometimes). I think @pm215’s interpretation is correct.

3 Likes
1506

Tuesday, January 31, 2023

Previous senryu

  1. 少しだけ手をあげ我娘とすれちがい
    すこしだけ・てをあげわがこと・すれちがい
    Pass my daughter / On the street : just a slight / wave of the hand

Notes:

  • I can’t find 我娘 used anywhere in Japanese (neither sentence databases nor simple searches). I’m unsure, but it’s possible this is a somewhat stilted turn of phrase to make it poetic (and fulfill the 音(おん) constraints).

  • I think @pm215 and @Myria interpreted it correctly (unsurprisingly :smile:). The mental image I get is a daughter giving just the slightest wave, with her hand/fingers at her hip, giving the tiniest acknowledgment to her parents while otherwise pretending she has nothing to do with these people.

    I had two daughters and know full well this fascinating, and apparently universal, condition affecting young girls from about age 12 to 18: they CANNOT admit to being associated with their parents while around their friends. Boys get it, too, but to a lesser degree in my experience.

  • I’m also unsure of the reading. As written it makes it a 5/8/5, which is possible, but 我 can also be read as わ、が、or even あ. It can also, of course, be read as われ (keeping it a 5/8/5) as well, apparently, as わぬ、わろ、or あれ (God, this language is ridiculous).

  • The が reading includes a definition of selfishness, which is interesting: ② わがまま。自分勝手。「我流」Maybe the author intended it to be read 我娘(がこ)?

  • But I went with the わが reading, even though it makes it a 5/8/5, because I think it’s the most common reading for an “our” connotation.

Current senryu challenge

Volume: Heartfelt (しみじみ編)

  1. じゃーねと片手を上げて嫁いだ娘

Woah. I’m going to let someone else make the first attempt at this one. The Japanese is pretty straightforward and easy to read (really hoping this isn’t using an archaic interpretation of 嫁ぐ). I think I get it, but I won’t risk embarrassing myself again.

Remember to please use the spoiler tag with your translation attempts! Also, please include the reading in kana with your submission.

Everyone is encouraged to participate, no matter your level! Questions and comments are as valued as translation submissions.

Please try not to be disappointed if your translation isn’t selected or if you disagree with the daily choice: the judge isn’t terribly consistent with his grading (and has awful taste!).
Online tools like dictionaries, sentence databases, and even AI translation engines are fair game and can be extremely helpful. Yomichan is particularly handy if you use the Chrome or Firefox browser. The 語源(ごげん)由来(ゆらい)辞典(じてん) is also an excellent resource for researching the etymology of various words and expressions.

Here are the links to the 356 Japanese originals (spoiler free) and to the the spreadsheet with all the upcoming senryu as well as the translations to date.

2 Likes
1507

じゃーねと片手を上げて嫁いだ娘
Reading: じゃあねと かたてをあげて とついだこ

Translation, 3-4-3: “Well, seeya” / wave of the hand / daughter’s wed.

Interpretation seems straightforward to me – daughter finally leaving home.

4 Likes
1508

One thing that’s at least a little confusing is who’s doing the hand-raising? The parent or the daughter?

Another is that it isn’t 手(て)を振(ふ)る (hand waving), it’s 手を上げる (hand-raising).

One interpretation of the latter might still be “see ya!” but another could be “pick me!”. There’s no indication of when this hand-raising occurred.

「じゃーね」most commonly does mean “see ya!” but it can also mean “here goes”/“oh, well”/“sure, why not” or something similar.

Your interpretation seems reasonable, but I’m still a bit unsure.

1 Like