(The increasingly less) Daily senryu thread

Then you feel that “Honey?” she calls me sweetly … I take out the trash doesn’t work?

She called, then I take out – A did X, then B did Y.

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I think that’s a fine translation, just not a literal one. The verb in the original is わたす to hand over, not だす to take out.

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LOL!

You are absolutely right! Somehow I get interpretations in my head without actually reading。I’d have sworn this read 「お父さん」やさしく呼んでゴミを出す – I think my brain checked out after ゴミ.

I stand corrected.

My interpretation (not in senryu form):

“Honey?” she calls sweetly, handing me the garbage.

Your translation is spot on.


After playing with it, here’s mine as a 3-5-3:

“Papa?” called / sweetly while handing / me garbage

It occurs to me that the speaker could be a child or a wife.

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  1. 「お父さん」やさしく呼んでゴミわたす
    おとうさんやさしくよんでゴミわたす

5-5-2

Honey! Sweetly called
While handing over
The trash

4-5-3

Honey! Slathered [Dipped? ==> 3]
Words whilst transferring
The rubbish

3-6-3

A cloying
Dear! While handing over
The garbage

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  1. 「お父さん」やさしく呼んでゴミわたす
    おとうさんやさしくよんでゴミわたす

Sweetheart
Here you are
The trash

2/3/2

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Sorry to quote myself, but this reminds me of something.

I often think of senryu as three separate stanzas. There’s a cadence, a rhythm with the good ones, like telling a joke.

「お父さん」やさしく呼んでゴミを出す

Parses weirdly as a single sentence.

But it isn’t weird if you think of them as different stanzas:

「お父さん」
やさしく呼んで
ゴミを出す

With a different speaker (new sentence, different point of view) for the third stanza. I was imagining a storyteller saying the first stanza in a high-pitched, sweet voice, then the third (the punchline) in a gruffer voice from his own perspective.

Obviously, I was just flat wrong (as usual) with this one. But I wonder if we are too quick to try to interpret these as single sentences in general.

  1. 「お父さん」やさしく呼んでゴミわたす
    おとうさんやさしくよんでゴミわたす

Honey! She coos
Sweetly in my ear
Take the garbage

4/5/4

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Apologies, all. I’m currently en route to the east coast. I intended to update this thread before I left, but ran out of time.

Should be able to update tomorrow. :crossed_fingers:

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I’m a little late, but I’ll throw in my attempt:

“Darling husband”
Sweetly said as she
Hands me the trash

Edit to add some commentary:

I’m assuming that the use of お父さん is similar to english speaking parents calling each other dad or mom, which I take as partly an endearment, but also partly just a statement of the relationship. I used “husband” in my take to carry that sense, without the weirdness that using “dad” might entail

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