Bleh, this is some “happy wife, happy life” borderline boomer-humor nonsense. I dislike humor that views marriage/relationships as inherently adversarial.
下書きの 送信キーを 猫が押し
したがきの｀そうしんキーを｀ねこがおし
Straightforward translation attempt
The cat hit send on my rough draft
English 5-7-5 attempt with 'artistic' liberties
(1)
Furry house gremlin
Sat on the send key of my
Unfinished rough draft
Alternatively, taking the word order more into account,
(2)
The send key of my
Preliminary rough draft
Well, the cat hit it
So glad to have lost / when we had the argument / wife in a good mood
Reminded me of the advice from a long married (male) colleague, who said these sort of phrases had saved him in the nick of time in heated arguments:
- “I understand why I’m feeling so lost! Let’s do it your way”
- “Honey, you are so right! What was I thinking!!”
- “Oh, I wish I could have thought about that!!”
- “Brilliant, just brilliant! Honey, you’re so smart!!”
Of course, how one delivers these line matters as much as what they say
PS: Delayed submission. But since I did the 5-7-5 this time, I’ll put it in anyway
Okay, since we’re all agreed on the interpretations and we’re just playing around with liberally-translated English 5-7-5 attempts, I’ll submit one anyway:
Disgusting rough draft,
send key pressed deliberately
not me but the cat
Once again I wonder how on earth I set myself up to judge a poetry contest — daily! These are all so great, and while I’m known for many things, artistic sensibilities aren’t even on the list!
Here are the links to the 356 Japanese originals (spoiler free) and to the the spreadsheet with all the upcoming senryu as well as the translations to date.
おれそだいごみならおまえきけんぶつ
“If I’m oversized garbage, then you’re hazardous materials”.
I’m wondering if this is a play on the second definition below. Something like, “I may be a garbage husband, but you’re a toxic wife.”
Really happy my translation of the cat one went down well, thanks everyone! Gonna try this one then look at everyone else’s versions.
Literal-ish:
If I’m trash, you must be hazardous materials!
5-7-5:
Fine, I guess I’m trash
There, I said it. Now admit
You are toxic waste
Notes:
Though my understanding is that 危険物 is usually more like, explosive-type dangerous things, I don’t think it’s restricted to JUST that, and I feel like the relationship connotations of “toxic” in English fit the spirit of the poem. At least the way I read it.
Also went for just “trash” instead of “bulky trash” because 粗大ゴミ can be slang for a useless husband, and I think that is better expressed in English simply as trash.
The translations so far seem extremely harsh to me (“garbage husband” and “toxic” seem especially aggressive). I’m wondering if it might sound slightly more teasing and light-hearted if worded differently:
Translation attempt
オレ粗大ゴミならおまえ危険物
オレそだい・ゴミならおまえ・きけんぶつ
If I belong in “oversized trash” / you must be “dangerous goods”!
(I’ve cribbed the specific translations from my Kenkyusha J-E dictionary.)
In other words, I think (hope?) it’s more likely a playful scene from everyday life: taking out the trash, a husband joking with his wife, not a vicious argument.
Some more context from my experiences living in Japan:
Single family homes usually take their trash out to a specified street corner or other nearby location. Garbage is separated into a bewildering number of categories, with pickups on different days of the week: recyclables, oversized items, dangerous goods, etc. Because space is such a premium it’s often surprising what you might see in the “oversized” location: brand-new looking furniture, perfectly operational TVs/appliances, etc.
“Mansions” and apartments usually have a covered area on the ground level with different spaces for the same thing.
Many locales require you to purchase specially colored bags and stickers for the various types of trash. Japan really does try to recycle stuff rather than just play-acting, so the rules can be particularly onerous. In Kobe, for example, plastic water bottles (ペットボトル) must have the tops placed in one bag and the bottles themselves with all labels removed go into another. This makes sense to me as they are different types of plastic, but it’s unimaginable in the US.
It’s not uncommon to see crazed-looking housewives in curlers and pajamas running down the street with a bag of some particular type of trash, realizing they’ve forgotten the pickup day/time.
It’s not uncommon the see a crazed KJules in her apartment sorting and googling rules, tbh. In my town the 粗大ゴミ can’t just be taken out, I have to schedule it with the city. But, we can leave the plastic bottle caps on.
I think a good argument for that could be that the 5-7-5 format splits 粗大 and ゴミ so it may not be a reference to the colloquial meaning. But オレ and おまえ are what lead me to believe that it’s supposed to sound rough.
おれそだいごみならおまえきけんぶつ
If I be our home’s / couch to be trashed, you / dear, are toxic waste!
Obviously, the pun on trash is lost in my translation. Then again, if one doesn’t know about the trash handling culture in Japan, there is no way to get it across in a poem, methinks.
Yeah, sorry, that’s what I meant by rough. Like, Way of the House Husband where there’s an inversion on the trope. I suppose that’s part of the problem with English translations: you’re almost always going to over- or under-shoot the tone.
Yup. We had 'em growing up and that’s as good a description as I’ve heard.
(5-7-5 bonus)