Hello everyone!
Every day I invent a lot of example sentences without checking whether they are correct or not, but this time round the is one particular sentence I really would like to know if it’s correct. The sentence is:
私は金持ちの人じゃないけれども私に生存するほど足りる金が持たれています
I’m not a rich person, but I have enough money to survive.
Can anyone please correct my sentence?
Actually, not only my sentence, but the whole speech…
Thank you very much!
Take care,
Olly
お金持ち already means “rich person”, so the addition of の人 feels superfluous.
けれども is rather full-on, and mostly connects separate sentences rather than clauses.
生存 feels rather academic
持たれています… I’m not even really sure what conjugation is intended here. Passive? Passive when 私 is the doer of the verb is very odd in Japanese, even to the extent of being ungrammatical - though, “money is had by me” sounds weird in English too.
I think having 金が be the subject of 持たれる is completely fine.
the second clause without modifiers is 私に金が持たれています which does kinda mean Money receives holding from me… but I think hating this is more of a Anglophone aversion to passive voice and other instances of object animacy.
Regardless it’s a good if somewhat unnecessary attempt at practicing receptive verbs
がんばれollyloveさん！
I don’t think hating it has anything to do with my buddy Angelo or his phones, and it’s more just that this wouldn’t sound natural in this sentence unfortunately.
I know this isn’t part of your actual example sentence but, shouldn’t this be more like 多く作ります（けど）? I don’t understand why you’ve put it in passive. If you’re trying to do the “using passive to be polite”, you should only do that to refer to others’ actions, not your own.
お金持ちがいないのに、私が気楽に生活するお金があります。 Despite not being a rich person, I have (enough) money to lead a comfortable life.
EDIT: Added 気楽 to justify the のに
生存 sounds really heavy. There is also 存在, meaning “existence” or “being”, but not sure of a suitable context here.
Wonder if みなさん would not be safer. Jisho marks みんなさん as irregular usage. Not sure .
I would use たくさん here, because が多い has the added meaning of “often” when put at the end of a clause. You can also write よく meaning “often” and fitting in this context.
作ります or even 作る would be fine, since this is the end of a clause.
comma before けれども, because it’s a little hard to read.
Would 例文の一例 or just 例文 work as well?
What about 皆さん、お願い、例文を正してくれませんか？? Would that work?
I think the 日本語で is a little superfluous. The thing is in Japanese.
I’m really bad with 敬語, but I think you might be changing the politeness register with いただきたい.
全部の作文 or 全部の文章 would work better?
You could also write something like this:
どう日本語で正しい文章を書くか教えてくれてお願いします。
or
どう日本語で自然に聞こえる文章を書くか教えてくれてお願いします。
When you ございます, you don’t よろしく, I think. So perhaps:
よろしくお願いします。
It’s nothing to do with Anglophone, and everything to do with… uh… Japanophone? Is that the word?
In Japanese, when 私 is the doer of the verb, having anything except 私 be the subject of the sentence shows that you empathise more with the other thing than you do with yourself, and in Japanese, that’s completely not on. It’s the same thing as the giving/receiving verbs - “Bob received a present from me” is a perfectly normal-sounding sentence in English, but ボブは私からプレゼントをもらった tells everyone you have severe self-esteem issues.
I like your enthusiasm, but just so things are clear は actually sounds the best to me and was a legitimate suggestion and I was only half trying to pile on for the fun of it
First: yes, I was just practising the passive form that I freshly studied, but apparently I still don’t understand how it really works.
Second: true, perhaps I’m a bit too formal here, but I always fear to be too rude, especially because I want to go live and work in Japan, so I MUST learn to be as kind as possible.
Third: I know, 生存 sounds old and maybe even too formal, but that’s part of my learning routine: in the morning I learn new vocabs on WaniKani, then in the afternoon I practise those new words using different grammar rules.
But at this point I’m having a doubt: if 生存 sounds “academic” like many of you said… why does WaniKani teach us these kind of words? Are Japanese people not happy with just 命「いのち」? Do they use words like 夫妻 and 妻子, or are we learning a dead language?
Just curious…
Regarding みんなさん - I know WaniKani teaches みなさん, but in Animes I often hear みんな, so… だれのほうが正しいですか？
ps: if よろしく does not mean “take care”… how do you say it? 「気をつけて」かな？ but that’s “be careful”… よね？
People only learn kanji if they mean to read. Do you use literary language in conversation? Unlikely. Must you know it to read a book? Absolutely.
WK’s vocab is mostly to enforce kanji, and they don’t shy away from written language over spoken language, since the only way to grind in those kanji is to read.
So WK vocab isn’t necessarily a safe pool to draw on if you want to speak naturally. But you encounter most of it quite a lot when you crack open a novel. ^^
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