Ooo, one I actually feel comfortable enough to attempt today! (I’ve been lurking on this thread and learning what I can 
)
My attempt:
129. 目の前に違う教師がいる目覚め
I awoke to find the wrong teacher in front of me.
(I went kind of loosey-goosey on the translation; I don’t know if you’re supposed to go super literal or not.)
The fun part is, that you don’t need to be right about your translation either, people will correct your translation most likely if it has mistakes in it and that’s a great learning opportunity
Your translation definitely sounds more correct than mine 
I still have the tendency to insert a period into the Japanese sentence towards the end, which more often than not gives a pretty wrong meaning 
Welcome!
I’ll update the top post with the following weighting criteria, but super literal is far less important than capturing the gist and general vibe of the poem:
Does it capture the meaning and “vibe” of the original accurately and completely?
Is the English translation easily understood?
Submissions with more “likes” are weighted more heavily than those with fewer.
Short and pithy is better than long and wordy (to capture the essence of 5-7-5 in Japanese).
Three stanzas are preferred, but strict adherence to 5-7-5 English syllables is absolutely not required. It’s nice when a translation is itself an English senryu, but that won’t often be feasible. Submissions that are English senryu are notable, but won’t normally be scored higher.
Word for word substitutions when translating from Japanese to English are generally preferred (with wide latitude in choosing precisely which word is used). Extra words not in the original are penalized (but often necessary).
Maintaining the order of thoughts from the original Japanese does not matter . It’s often necessary to change the order due to grammatical and stylistic differences between the languages.
(Completely subjective) Which entry seems the most “poetic,” with senryu-like attributes (rueful humor, word play, surprise twists)?
I’m copying the translations and readings into the spreadsheet as we go. It’s less work for me if the submissions include the reading in kana (and it gives us all a chance to catch any mistakes – like mine!).
Because I can’t include furigana easily in a Google Sheets cell, I actually prefer just a separate line of kana (easier to cut and paste). I’ve been breaking them into stanzas, too, but that isn’t really necessary.
(I love your handle by the way.)
Ohh okay this makes a lot of sense! (Sorry I missed the original posting of the criteria)
This is a deceptively complex task. The “comprehension” hurdle is just the first step. The translation can say so much about the translator and his/her own perceptions and experience. Then capturing the original poetry and tone is its own thing entirely. Super fun exercise. (Translation is hard)
Hokay, in consideration of the criteria, let’s take a second stab:
On waking,
Before my eyes
Is a different teacher
On waking,
Before my eyes
Is a different teacher
I’ll make the final call tomorrow in case there are more submissions or additional comments, but I like this second version better.
In some senses it might even be better than the original.
You’ve put the punchline of a different teacher at the end. This is a different nuance, but I think it works well. The original Japanese hides that the writer was asleep until the end, and makes awakening the punchline. This is possible because of how Japanese grammar works.
But a literal translation (“Before my eyes / a different teacher / upon awakening”) doesn’t work quite as well in English to my ears.
Adding words or changing the emphasis like:
Before my eyes / a different teacher / startling me awake
or
Before my eyes / a different teacher / I’m wide awake now
or
Before my eyes / a different teacher / I’m no longer asleep
(or something) might work, but requires new/different words.
I like your version better.
@JazzFuneral I liked the playfulness of the first one you did, but the poetry of the second - so I swapped out one word (in italics) to make what would be my favourite version of your translation:
めのまえにちがうきょうしがいるめざめ
Right in front of me / that’s a different teacher / I just woke up
I think it’s fine. The difficulty so far seems to be less about translating and more about capturing the nuance. So the later posts have the advantage of riffing off of the earlier.
I assure you this was entirely accidental. I didn’t realize that the word at the end constituted a punchline, and you provided some interpretations that I hadn’t even thought about, but which I quite like, like
the idea of being startled awake being the kicker here.
I played with both of those and ultimately went with the other one. I’m glad you liked that word choice, though, because I was kind of partial to it myself.
- 目の前に違う教師がいる目覚め
めのまえにちがうきょうしがいるめざめ
On waking / before my eyes / is the wrong teacher
Notes:
Volume: 強烈 (Intense)
- 誰かじゃなくて何かに似ている人
Hopefully another fairly easy one suitable for even beginners. Tomorrow will be a hard one.
Remember to please use the spoiler tag with your translation attempts! Also, please include the reading in kana with your submission.
Everyone is encouraged to participate, no matter your level!
Online tools like dictionaries, sentence databases, and even AI translation engines are fair game and can be extremely helpful. Yomichan is particularly handy if you use the Chrome or Firefox browser.
Here’s the link to the spreadsheet with all the upcoming senryu as well as the translations to date.
- 誰かじゃなくて何かに似ている人
だれかじゃなくてなにかににているひと
Rather than looking like someone, that person looks like something.
だれかじゃなくてなにかににているひと
My attempt:
Dude looks like
Not someone,
But something
I’m of course going with the gender neutral “dude” here. 
- 誰かじゃなくて何かに似ている人
だれかじゃな・くてなにかにに・ているひと
It’s not so much who,
but what
that person looks like!
- 誰かじゃなくて何かに似ている人
だれかじゃな・くてなにかにに・ているひと
Dude looks like
Not someone,
But some thing
Notes:
Volume: Various Settings
- 禁煙と見事に書けて一服す
It’s not the words that are hard, but I’m not 100% certain of my own translation. I’ll be interested to see if others’ translations match my own.
Remember to please use the spoiler tag with your translation attempts! Also, please include the reading in kana with your submission.
Everyone is encouraged to participate, no matter your level!
Online tools like dictionaries, sentence databases, and even AI translation engines are fair game and can be extremely helpful. Yomichan is particularly handy if you use the Chrome or Firefox browser.
Here’s the link to the spreadsheet with all the upcoming senryu as well as the translations to date.
Eh, I use “guys” and “you guys” as gender-neutral all the time. I think it depends who you ask.
Interesting. My take was that the writer was taking a puff while standing next to a beautifully written/displayed “No Smoking” sign.
Oh yeah, there’s that, too. When I was looking up 見事 to be sure I knew it, I saw a note on the second definition of “complete; utter” that it’s usually seen as “見事に,” so my brain went there
This is where “y’all” excels as a 2nd person plural for us southerners.
Is there some wordplay here with 一服 meaning both “to take a puff” and “to rest”? And with 服す meaning to observe, wherein observe can mean both “to obey (policy)” and “to look (carefully) at”? Or am I way off base?
So am I the only one that read it as ‘a puff of smoke beutifully writing out “no smoking”’?
Reasoning:
For me す at the end could be a cut off です, so
禁煙 “No smoking”
と書けて writing out
見事に beautifully, magnificently, pick your poison
一服 puff
(で)す is
It is a puff beautifully writing out “no smoking”.