Thoughtfulness is / a paper-thin step / from presumption
to LaVieQ for a nice poetic interpretation
I went with my own translation as I think it’s most faithful to the original Japanese: “paper-thin (step)” vs “fine line”, and I think “thoughtfulness/presumption” are closer than “sympathy/conceit” in this context (though that’s quite subjective).
I find it interesting that at first glance (at least to this native English speaker), 一重 seems to have a different connotation here than in 63. 「目は一重アゴ二重に腹は三重」. If you think about it though, it’s really not. It’s just that “one layer” (or “one layer thick”) is applied to different objects (paper and eyes, respectively). I was familiar with the eye usage, but this was a new one for me.
Current senryu challenge
Volume: Heartfelt (しみじみ編)
Wowza. Yet another connotation for しみじみ <blushes>. Easy to read, though (no character beyond level 17).
Remember to please use the spoiler tag with your translation attempts! Also, please include the reading in kana with your submission.
Everyone is encouraged to participate, no matter your level!
This one was easy after I learned that “morning call” = “wake up call” - didn’t know that until now.
The first translation that came to mind was: Wake up to / wait for my love’s / moaning call. The kinda call that I’d like to be woken up to. And the translation reads way better than the original.
I’m traveling for the next 3 days - will resume once I’m back next Tuesday. Y’all have fun.
I ended up googling 起きて待つ to see if it was a set expression I was unaware of, and I was amused to find this book on cat-related expressions in English. Here, it’s translated as “wait up for”.
As far as interpretations go, the sense I got from it is that instead of setting an alarm or something, the person is letting their lover be their morning alarm, so it’s not actually morning until their lover has woken them up.
Also, I’ve been a little busy, so I missed this one:
I just wanted to comment that 紙一重 is actually another word that I learned from wrestling, haha. It was used in a wrestling promo that I translated a couple months ago, and has been bouncing around a bit in Anki for me because the reading is a little tricky . I did, in fact, manage to read it correctly in the senryu, though, so I guess my practice is counting for something!
Just a couple thoughts, the first I’m certain of, the second less so:
久しぶり (without the 「〜ですね！」) doesn’t always mean “long time no see”. Exactly as in your final submission, it can also be「久しぶりに〜」meaning a long time since doing something or since something has happened (not necessarily just meeting or seeing someone).
Another possible interpretation of 笑顔なし is that he’s trying to hide a smile. My initial thought is the salaryman author is hiding the smile from their boss or co-workers. The old salaryman trope is that the boss can’t leave until all their reports have gone home, and that everyone has to give their all to the company.
I actually had the same interpretation as @superelf94
His wife is waiting at home, but surprisingly she‘s not over the moon that he‘s home so early.
It’s also a thing in Japan that wives divorce their husbands after they retire, because before retirement the wives could just do as they please (and even if they didn’t really like their husband they wouldn’t see them much) but now their husbands are around which is of course annoying so they get divorced. I think this is the direction the 川柳 is aiming at. (Not divorce or anything, but „wife is actually happy to spend her time alone and the husband is 邪魔 sometimes“)
I wasn’t going to attempt this one because the subject matter wasn’t terribly compelling to me, but after reading the discussion, I couldn’t resist a more tongue-in-cheek translation (as opposed to a literal one) .
久しぶり 定時帰宅に 笑顔なし！
you’re home early!” said
Too good to be true
But where is the catch?
I‘m getting greedy
Too good to be true
I can’t figure out the trick
Gonna get greedy
I didn’t know how to approach this at first, but @Axazel‘s interpretation helped me figure it out! I went reading a bit about the expression 欲の皮が引っ張る, and to me it seems like it’s describing the feelings of the author: he can“t seem to figure out the trick of this deal, so he“s getting greedy because there might actually be no catch. Happy to be corrected though