Holy molyā¦ Took me a couple of pages to realize we were with Kakeru, and from the start of the story (not in the current present so to say), and then it was clear weāre in the future gangās past.
Heavy chapter indeed. And unlike t.A.T.u.'s song āAll the things you saidā, it was all the things you didnāt say. Kakeru, his mom, Naho.
Also, talk about bad āfriendsā from Tokyo. Wants to apologize but it isnāt for Kakeruās sake but their own.
I actually had a ex boyfriend who contacted me a couple of years after we broke up (we were still friends and I saw him and some of his friends occasionally, basically I became friends with one of his friends when we were together and still hung out with her after the breakup, and saw him through her), who wanted to apologize about our relationship/breakup. Apparently some of his friends (not ones I hung out with) found me annoying and had been bad talking me a lot during our time together (I think) and definitely after the breakup. I had no idea. But he wanted to apologize for being an ass (which he sometimes had been) and for not telling his friends off.
I really appreciated him apologizing for being an ass, but considering I was a teenager too, Iām not sure I was the best girlfriend, you know. Sweet thought, and I didnāt mind. He didnāt have to apologize for his friends though, didnāt really like that part of his friend group since I also know those were the ones that peer pressured him into picking up smoking (yeah, not the best kinds of friends for sure). So them thinking I was annoying was kinda gratifying, I wouldnāt have wanted them to like me, that would not have reflected well on my character.
I guess I felt the need to ease the tension a little with an anecdote, because this chapterā¦
Communication is the hardest part of being human, but also the most important one (probably). It can only get better than this chapter, right? Having gotten Kakeru to open up more and such. I hope so.
Iām back again! This chapter. Hagita wearing Azuās skirt was definitely the high point.
Comprehension question
At the end of the chapter when he is reading his momās last unsent email to him, is she saying that she divorced his father because he was abusive and she didnāt want Kakeru to get hurt? And then that she knew about his problems with his senpais and thatās why she moved them and had him change schools? And she threw away his soccer stuff because she didnāt want it to bring up bad memories, and stopped him from joining clubs because she was worried about him making good friends (that is to say, worried that if he joined the soccer club he would make more bad friends)?
At the beginning of the chapter I was thinking āoh my god sheās so awfulā, then with her letter you start to understand where sheās coming from, even if sheās very misguided at certain points. But Iām having a hard time understanding her state of mind ā¦ If I understood the letter correctly, then it seems like she was always trying to protect him, even if she didnāt do it in great ways all the time ā¦ Not that suicide is a āreasonableā, logical decision, but Iām having a hard time understanding where her feelings came from. She isnāt depicted in a way that feels like she is all that depressed ā¦
Anyway, I think this chapter from Kakeruās point of view was probably very necessary, but Iām hoping things get a lot better from here on out.
She was saying that her husband was always abusive towards her, but he always kind to Kakeru. Naturally, Kakeru loved his father because he only saw his good side, so she never confided in him about the terrible things heād done. In a way to protect his good image of his father, she simply chose to divorce him which made her look selfish because he didnāt know truth.
In the same way, she āselfishlyā makes all the decisions that she thinks are best for Kakeru and will protect him (everything you interpreted correctly). She even decides to move them to the countryside thinking it would be better for them.
Her problem was she was still dealing with the trauma from her abusive relationship. She probably had no one she could talk to about it and likely the hospital she was visiting was a psychiatrist who gave her medicine to try to numb her emotions.
Kakeru only knew that his mother was āabnormal,ā but he probably never really understood how much she suffered. The message in the end gives him a new perspective on how his mother saw things, and he feels extra guilty because it means he had been selfish and not thinking about his feelings (though itās not his fault because heās also a kid trying to figure things out).
As for she doesnāt seem all that depressed, Kakeru apparently didnāt seem that way too before he took his life. He looked like he was struggling with things, and his friends noticed and reached out to him, but according to Nahoās letters, he started growing distant until the accident came out of nowhere. The whole message of the manga is we donāt always know how much someone is struggling, but when they suddenly disappear from our lives, weāre filled with a deep regret and wish we couldāve done the things for them we struggle with doing at the time. Especially in a society like Japan where everyone is good at covering their true feelings, itās important to not hesitate to reach out when you feel something is off.
And specifically regarding Kakeruās mother, itās probably hard to relate unless youāve been in a real abusive relationship. Alcoholism is a big issue here, and although that doesnāt specifically doesnāt come up, itās likely a factor of the abuse. The father seems like a functioning alcoholic who takes out his stresses on his wife. And Kakeruās mother probably really struggled with divorcing him because he was good to her son, but she had to do what she did for her own mental health. But taking away her sonās happiness like that could definitely contribute to her depression.
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