I’m not sure if replying to me was intentional, but I think any sort of prioritization system is probably fine. It’s all subjective
If you wanted to avoid being a judge, you could just include all of them in the spreadsheet, maybe just excluding any with inaccurate meanings. Especially since there aren’t that many translations each time
A single spreadsheet is easier to maintain, and since this is a daily thing I’m trying to optimize the 5-step process above as much as possible. I’m hopeful I can get it down to just a few seconds each morning. As it is, I’m having to do lots of tab-switching and editing.
Over time I expect to get it down to an even simpler process (possibly even involving some automation).
I’d rather not give up on just ONE translation for each original, though (with notes discussing things from other translation attempts as necessary). The entire list is intended to be read eventually, and multiple translations for some of them would detract from the overall reading experience significantly.
Makes sense! You seem older than I am (what with having a wife and all), so you’re probably also busier
I’ll maintain a separate spreadsheet with all the translations here with the winner highlighted. I think it’s a nice reference for how many ways poems can be translated
Commenting purely on the poetics of the English here:
I like the single/double/triple combination, because it captures the repetition of the original but, if I were judge I think I’d substitute “treble belly” Because I like the alliteration and the sense of overindulgence (“trebles all round”).
For me this is up there with #4 or #5. But I get that it’s subjective and you would like to make the selection criteria more objective. On the other hand, you created this thread and it’s really fun to follow along, so maybe give yourself more credit. It’s ok to make subjective decisions! Prioritising the poetic nature will make the final compilation that much more worth doing imho. I doubt anyone will be offended
In kindergarten,
Even the winning kids cry,
When a fight occurs
Should have no extra words, and it follows 5-7-5 (for once finally), though I’m not sure if I’ve understood what that kindergarten randomly plopped to the end is doing
@Gorbit99 : I believe you’ve understood correctly.
Note to everyone: I think going forward I’m going to stop including the readings with the current day’s challenge (partly because I’m likely to screw them up, but mainly because figuring it out should be part of the challenge!).
It occurs to me that senryu don’t normally contain punctuation (I think it might not be allowed). There’s nothing to say we can’t use punctuation in the English translations, though!
I’m pretty sure it’s just the rest of the preceding phrase modifying the noun since it follows the standard form of the verb. Or did you mean something deeper with the meaning?
I’m personally not sure whether to group it as 喧嘩して being part of the phrase that modifies 幼稚園, or whether the continuative stops there and 勝った子も泣く幼稚園 is a separate thought.
I guess the ambiguity is part of what makes it a Senryu