Grammar Error Busting! (You’ll see me often)

Need some input on my creative writing, been learning through the Genki book and almost finished it. Now I must polish with what I have been given! Also knowing how to say it more naturally will help me out as well

ニクは四時ごろうちに起きて、コーヒーを飲んで、仕事に行ったと言っています。こーひーを飲んだから、彼は仕事でとても疲れだったと思います。

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What did you try writing here? I’m not sure I get what the うち was supposed to mean.

It’s fine like this, but omitting the 彼は would be the more natural choice. The less pronouns you use, the better. Really.

Also, コーヒー should be written in katakana.

What was the original reasoning here? Drinking coffee makes him tired? He drank coffee because he was tired from work? I couldn’t follow it.

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protip: assert dominance after finishing genki 1 by writing it in kanji instead

I think he meant that since he drank coffee, hes inferring he was tired from work.

edit: wait maybe not. idk lol

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He said he woke up, drank coffee and then went to work, so if the coffee is before the work I can’t really follow the coffee <-> tiredness connection

yeah lol that doesnt really make sense does it. I was going more off the meaning the sentence was closest too. In that case he would be inferring that he was just tired in general.

I also wondered if he was inferring that “if he drinks coffee his work must be very tiring”. As in he won’t make it unless he drinks coffee.

But that’s quite a stretch, lol.
Also the past tense after 疲れ confuses me, because I don’t know how it’s supposed to work with the コーヒー → 仕事 order.

Hmm, Im not sure but if the title is true, we should see OP soon with an explanation

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Was waiting for the right moment to speak lol. So as it seems there’s confusion with if either he’s tired from work or coffee. The intention would be that coffee actually makes him more tired than usual. How would I go of making it more clear?
Thanks for helping out^

So like, he drank coffee that morning so I think hell be even more tired today as a result of that?

That’s creative writing for ya lmao, totally doesn’t make sense indeed. This is for exercise purposes so, yeah let’s be weird about it

You never really addressed this @TheSokka. If you’re trying to say “he woke up at around four o’clock”, the うちに is superfluous - you’d use うちに if you’re saying that something took place in the space between two other events.

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Ah nice eye, I attempted to type “my house” there. Is there a proper way of doing this?

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家で

で marks the location where a verb takes place.

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That would need the particle で to express doing an action in a place.

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Both of you, thanks for the clarification! Now for what the reason of why he was tired, what could I have done to clear up the confusion?

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I think the first problem is that coffee usually doesn’t make you more tired, unless you’re talking about crashing later on after the caffeine wears off, which takes a bit more explanation. Is that what you were going for? Or is this someone for whom coffee has the opposite of what we would normally expect as a reaction.

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The side effect of him drinking the coffee makes him tired, despite caffeine crash. Could it just be that regardless of what I said, could it make more sense if it were another adjective? Cause it totally seems that tired and coffee don’t go well together without creating confusion, even in the weirdest cases possibly right?

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You could say something like コーヒーを飲んだのに、疲れてきました。“He got tired even though he drank coffee”.

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Right! Now is that roughly everything? I noted down just about everything in this thread.

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