I originally tried asking for help with this on HiNative, but for whatever reason (likely because it is quite a lot to ask), I didn’t get any response. So I thought I’d try here, where there seems to be a lot more activity.
Anyways, what I have here is my translation of 「竜」by 手嶌葵, and what I’m looking for is some help with polishing the rough areas and for any errors to be pointed out. In particular, I would like some help with the last three verses. The slashes (/) show places where I had several ideas of what word to use (so some suggestions which would be better would be nice), and the (?)s show complete confusion.
When the translation is finished, I think I’d like to to publish it on a lyrics website, not sure which one (probably animelyrics.com, though), so if you’d like me to attribute you, please tell me how you’d like to be attributed and I’ll do so if possible, since I’m not sure how attributing works on the site. I’d probably do something like: “Translation by Greya, reviewed by ____.”
If this process works out well (that is, doing a translation to the best of my abilities and submitting it here for corrections) I think I’d like to continue posting my beginnings of translations for revision here, since I can usually get a rough idea down, but have trouble with fine-tuning.
As a side note, do any of you know of a good resource for looking up unfamiliar grammar structures? (online or paper)
Or just a good resource for learning grammar structures in the first place? XD
Wasabi-jpn looks like it might be a good site, though I haven’t looked too much into it.
「竜」
昔々の その昔
歴史が始まる 前のこと
二つのものは 一つだった
二つは同じ 一つだった
持つこと欲した もの達は
海と大地を 選んだが
自由を欲した もの達は
何も持たずに 飛び去った
分かれてしまった 人と竜
忘れてしまった 太古の記憶
遠く遠くの 西の果て
世界が終わる 最果てで
翼を持った もの達は
風のはざまに 生きている
風を吸い込み 火を喰らい
鋼の体は 風に乗る
赤い瞳は 真を見つめ
太古の言葉で 真を語る
どんなものにも 囚われず
どんなものにも おもねることなく
それは気高く 慈悲深く
そして残酷な 残酷な命
人がなくした 太古の姿
“Dragons”
Longer ago than long ago,
Before history began,
Two things were one thing,
Two things were the same, one thing.
Those who wanted possessions
Chose sea and land, but
Those who wanted freedom,
Without having anything, flew away.
We completely separated, people and dragons.
We completely forgot, memories of ancient times.
Far, far away, in the West Reach,
At the farthest ends where the world ceases to be,
Those who kept their wings
Live in a valley/gorge/ravine of wind.
Breathing in wind and receiving(?) fire
Their steel bodies ride the wind.
Their red eyes gaze at the truth
And in the Old Speech they speak of/show the truth.
What person is not captured/swayed?
What person does not flatter?
They are sublimely and profoundly merciful,
Then cruel, cruel life/life span(??)
The shape of ancient times that people lost…
Song here:
