A few moments come to mind as being tall in Japan do not mix well. I’ve bashed my head many times on doorways, most notably Toji temple doorway in Kyoto, a precious Japanese national treasure. I can assure you, it is incredibly well made.
Speaking of embarrassing (or bare assing), my first yukata experience at an onsen was not only relaxing, but allows a guest the experience of a cheap hooker in mini skirt. Apparently, they didn’t have my size and I’m pretty sure I flashed my wife’s family. Fortunately, the food was delicious and no one lost their appetite.
As for speaking, I’ve unintentionally accused my father-in-law of being an alcoholic (酒済み I think). Total mistake…can’t remember what I was trying to say but we all laughed. As I’ve improved, I’ve realized how rough and impolite my early speaking attempts were. This whole language journey is an adventure in embarrassment and studying more an attempt to limit these moments (rather than mastering). More embarrassing mistakes to come!
When I first came to Japan, the only words I could use other than basic greetings was はい and ありがとうございます。
I was out with a friend, whose Japanese was way higher than mine, and we went to a restaurant. The waiter gave me my food and I said ありがとうございます。 Apparently the waiter said “日本語上手ですね” and since I had no idea what he said (probably thought he said Enjoy your food) I just said “はい” and started eating without even looking up .
My friend was in tears and never let me live it down, haha!
This isn’t the worst thing ever, but I remember having a conversation with someone in their car and 時差 (じさ, time zone differences) came up somehow. I remember thinking it sounded very close to 自殺 (じさつ, suicide) and made a point of being careful not to mess it up.
Shortly after, I asked about a sign I’d never seen before that was on a traffic light. She said it was referencing a 自動カメラ being in use, guess what I said instead of 自動…
I live in Japan and my husband and I recently went to watch some fireworks at a festival. There was a lot of people around, including children. And when the fireworks ended I said (pretty loudly) 排卵日終わった（はいらんびおわった）instead of 花火終わった（はなびおわった）like I meant to say. So basically a bunch of strangers heard me say that my ovulation day was over rather than the fireworks. I got some stares haha.
Oh goodness, I could be here all night recounting my mistakes from when I lived in Japan.
One of my favorite (and apologies, it’s been shared around WK before) is when my fellow teachers asked me if I wanted seconds with lunch. I smiled and said 「お腹がおっぱい」(my stomach is a breast) instead of お腹がいっぱい (my stomach is full). ONE vowel sound off.
The teachers politely blinked at me, and then realized what I was trying to say and said 「いっぱい、ね」. My students (age 5) called me Boob-sensei for a week or more.
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Another particularly good one was when I first learned the phrase お先に which is what you say when you’re the first one to leave. I thought it was the polite way of excusing yourself. So anyway one time I was on my way to the office from my classroom and said 大阪に instead of お先に, and everyone was like “You’re going to Osaka this weekend? Bring me some takoyaki!” and then I went to the office looking for takoyaki because I was thoroughly confused by my own mistake.
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Lastly, if you like this sort of thing, there’s a whole book of hilarious mistakes in Japanese. I can’t seem to find it at the moment, but I’ll look more thoroughly later. Anyway it had the story of one red-headed foreigner who got really fed up one day when people were staring at her on the subway so she exclaimed 「私は人参です！皆んなは人参です！」(I am a carrot! Everyone is carrots!").
Wasn’t really embarrassing, but made my teacher and myself laugh. I was in a conversation class trying to tell about The Beauty and The Beast, when I tried to say
“ベラと野獣は一緒に踊りました” (べらとやじゅうはいっしょにおどりました - Bella and the Beast danced together)
but I ended up saying
“ベラと野獣は一緒に驚きました” (べらとやじゅうはいっしょにおどろきました - Bella and the Beast were surprised together)
I always have to think before I say キュウリ so I don’t accidentally say クリ.
As for actual embarrassing mistakes I made, I once drubkenly told my boyfriend “おっぱいです” instead of いっぱいです" somewhat loudly at a restaurant.
I also told a group of people at the bar that I want to study the ocean because I like かいぶつ…and that’s when I learned you can’t always push kanji together to make a word. I wanted to say ocean animals…so I tried to push 海 and 物 together…
It didn’t happen to me, and may well be apocryphal, but nevertheless a cautionary tale: A gaijin guy walks into a bar, sees an empty seat next to a woman, and he asks her in his most polite Japanese, 「さわってもいいですか?」
I got scolded by a japanese grandma.
I was under pressure because I was dining for the first time in a family’s home, invited by my best friend’s japanese friend. I had just started studying japanese and the whole family was there, including the grandma.
At some point, I thought it was a good idea to stop always using the same word ご飯 in every sentence mentionning meals (because in my culture it’s a sign of poor vocabulary), so I switched for めし(飯) instead, thinking it was just another synonym word.
I’m a female, and I could sense that the grandma was growing uncomfortable until she snapped and told my friend : “Would you please tell your friend to stop talking like a man!”.
It wasn’t my mistake, but there was a guy working at a school near me in Hokkaido who couldn’t figure out why kids kept laughing at him when he introduced himself. His name was Gary, and he was from the US, so his accent made it sound a lot like ゲリ「下痢」＝diarrhoea. Gary’s only mistake was being Gary
My co-worker, who works as a translator/interpreter in a Japanese office, was at an enkai and ate a ton, got really full. So she wanted to say her stomach would explode (お腹が爆発する), but instead she said おっぱいが爆発する。“My boobs are going to explode.”
In my 101 class we were doing roleplay practice to help us learn some new vocab. The teacher asked in English,
“What’s a reason to go to the hospital?”
to a random person in class.
We had just learned a bunch of health words/phrases like “I have a cold” and “my head hurts” and body parts, but our class moves a lil fast sometimes. I think he meant to say “my stomach hurts”/「お腹がいたいです」but instead said
「お腹がないです。」
To his credit, I think that’s an excellent reason.
While working out with rubber strength bands with a language partner, I proposed:
“今回、ゴムで運動して、次回、ゴムなししましょう！”
This time, let’s work out with the rubber band and next time let’s work out with the rubber band…
Which wouldn’t be so bad if “ゴムなし” didn’t ALSO mean “bareback/without a condom”
I’m afraid my experiences don’t quite reach this level (except one, but since this is a family friendly forum I’ll have to pass on the story. Only had the guts to tell it to exactly one person since it happened 4 years ago. ^^;;;; )
also, this is off-topic, but @gekkotime could appreciate this topic and it’s lessons in to how to handle embarrassment while learning a new language. Good luck!
