WaniKani's New Terms of Service

Ok. I read the new ToS (yes all of it). Just to make sure I’m getting everything right, cause I know stuff like this is often open to interpretation, I will now attempt to summarize the information contained therein. Please let me know if I got it right:

clears throat

Behold! And the Allicrab said unto Koichi, “Come up to me into the mount, and be there: and I will give thee tablets of stone, and a law, and commandments which I have written; that thou mayest teach them.” And @koichi rose up, and his administrators @viet and @oldbonsai. Koichi went up into the mount of the :crabigator:

The mount was covered by cloud for six days, and on the seventh day Koichi went into the midst of the cloud and was in the mount Forty Two days and Forty Two nights! And Koichi said, “The Allicrab delivered unto me two tablets with stone motif written with a digital Crablike claw; and on them was written according to all the words, which the Allicrab spake with you in the mount, out of the shells of the turtles from the 火, in the day of the ToS announcement.”

Before the full Forty Two days expired, the children of Crabigator collectively decided that something had happened to Koichi, and compelled @Ryouki to fashion a Golden Poll, and he built a thread before it and the people voted.

After the full Forty Two days had passed, Koichi and Viet and Oldbonsai came down from the mountain with the tablets of stone motif. And it came to pass, as soon as he came nigh unto the message board, that he saw the Golden Poll, and the GIFing: and Koichi’s anger waxed 暑い, and he cast the tablets out of his hands, and brake them beneath the message board.

And the Allicrab told unto Koichi, "Order thee two tablets of stone motif like unto the first from Amazon Prime: and I will write upon these tablets the words that were in the first tablets, which thou brakest. For we want thy users to be informed of important changes unto our terms, as even a crabigator may maketh a typo. So whilst modification may come unto thine Agreement upon any time, thou will notify users of changes affecting thy rights and thus give time upon which to adjust. And henceforth all communications shall be digital, as that which is not digital is base and wicked before mine eyes.

And Koichi ordered two tablets of stone motif like unto the first from Amazon Prime; and Koichi rose up early in the morning, and went up unto Mount WaniKani, as the Allicrab had commanded him, and took in his hand the two tablets of stone motif.
And he was there with the Crabigator for Forty Two days and Forty Two nights; he did neither eat sushi, nor drink soda. And he wrote upon the tablets the words of the covenant, the ten commandments as follows:

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