I bolded the parts I changed. Your sentence was not too bad, I think!
Pay attention to the reading of 日. It’ll only be にち in compounds. Otherwise it’s ひ!
Personally I would even say 今年の冬 (ことしのふゆ). Also, 暑い means ‘hot’, like, tropical. 暖かい (あたたかい) would be more fitting, I think!
Also, there are the Challenge: Write a sentence in Japanese every day! and Japanese Sentence a Day Challenge threads! You can practice and get feedback a lot there.
(Also, are you a woman? Omitting だ before よ after nouns and na-adjectives is a bit female speaky.)