Yeah, it’s not really rude, more offputting. Formality creates social distance and when you’re with friends it comes off as cold. They might feel that you don’t see them as friends and you’re only spending time with them to be polite, or something. Or that you don’t want to get too close. There isn’t really a good equivalent in English - I mean, yes, speaking to everyone in polite, businesslike language, but no one does that.
“Hey, we’re gonna get some beers, you coming?”
“I’m available to attend. Thank you for the invitation.”
Anyone who talks like that in English must be joking, right? But… after a while it would get weird. In Japanese I suppose it gets weirder, faster… Cultural differences.
As far as not using あなた we’re generally taught that it means “you” but from what I can tell, it starts to grate a bit like “hey you” when a foreigner uses it over and over again…
“Hey you, what’s your name?”
“Hey you, where are you from?”
“You, what is your job?”
“Hey you, do you like music?”
You’ll probably get the foreigner pass, but yeah, since Japanese has a predilection for omitting pronouns, they call attention to themselves when used unnecessarily.
Plus it’s more direct like you showed. In most cases, (name)さん is probably a better choice.
I was fortunate to befriend an exchange student and native Schwyzerdütsch speaker, and even had the chance to visit and travel with him around Zurich and very lovely Graubünden! It was hilarious to see him from time to time comment on how German tourists we would encounter could not understand certain words…he would take delight on striking up a conversation with the poor (victim) and they would get a laugh…all the whlie I had no clue as my Deutsch is almost non existent much less Schwyzerdütsch! There was one word in particular that he would get me to try to pronounce…simply impossible but similarly so for unsuspecting Germans. Along the lines (phonetically…American English…Hooheehahschlee (?)
This reminded me of a story told by my cousin whom I converse only in my native language (Bahasa Malaysia) most of the time, except for the first time when I met her. My family just arrived back to our home country in the late 80s after Dad finished his studies in Chicago, Illinois for 4 years and my first pre-school education was in the US.
While my parents do make a point to speak to me at home in our native language, in kindergarten I was already getting used to speaking English to my friends reasonably well for a young kid. So imagine my excitement meeting my cousin for the first time, who is very close to my age and my head automatically went school-mode and asked her “What is your first name?”.
Truly I don’t remember saying those exact words but my cousin (and my mum who witnessed that) sure did because it probably would have been easier for my cousin if I’ve asked “What is your name?” instead since that’s more commonly taught in Malaysian pre-school English lessons.
Makes me wonder if asking someone “What is your first name?” is still taught in kindergartens in the US nowadays.
I think that’s because as a child, I’ve always been easily excitable and forward in social settings (not so much as an adult but there are moments when that side emerges), preferring to ask someone directly than asking my parents. Recalled seeing a childhood photo of my family having a picnic in the US and there was a snapshot of me talking to another girl my age who’s clearly a stranger to me.
And to be fair, that cousin in particular already have 8 other siblings even back then (mostly older than her and the eldest was probably in high school), so maybe my parents can’t be bothered to introduce me to all my cousins who were nearer to my age. Too many kids and names to remember
How was your experience when you first met your Japanese cousins and what language do you communicate together most of the time?
In my experience, Japanese people have been more formal (like working in an office formal) online. This might be a bit of a generational thing though, as I have noticed that it’s mostly working adults I’ve seen talk like that on Twitter and other places. If it’s a reply to someone they know well though, they’re more likely to be informal. I’ve seen these two artists I follow though talk rather formally to each though even though they mostly only comment on each others’ stuff and frequently collaborate. I joined a Japanese discord though and everyone was writing in keigo. I tested the waters for writing informally and was directed to the English chat. I’ll have to check what I wrote again, but I didn’t think there were any mistakes. My username is English though.
As for the main question - if it’s friendship kind of relationship, I’d probably try to match formality/politeness level of the other person. So if my friend talked to me using teineigo, I’d respond likewise, while if they switched to casual, I’d perhaps take that as a cue that it’s okay to switch.
Not a Japanese native, but I spent a good amount of time in the country and have a fair amount of experience talking to people informally
So, in my opinion, it’s not important to worry about individual words. Talking informally in Japanese is mainly reflected by the grammar you use. You using individual words that are maybe a little bit too formal while you are generally on the same “politeness level” as everybody else will not be seen as rude.
I personally have never tried to omit はい and いいえ in informal conversation - sometimes these are just the right words, even if they are more fomal than うん and ううん.
Interesting how we are quite opposite in that respect - to me formal language always feels like an extra safety measure to prevent people from hurting each other’s feelings. When someone is talking to me using formal language, I always interpret it as sign of not wanting to hurt my feelings
Actually, this is precisely why wheneve I tag someone here - I always add さん - I’m trying to minimize the damage I might do with the tagging
Chuchichästli
…i had to stop and think for a moment there, but there was really only one word it could be. we have a rather rough velar fricative, which is rare in german, and i think absent in english? and it has three of them, so it’s a fun word to try out on foreigners ^^ it just means kitchen cabinet. technically the -li is a diminutive, but we slap that on words all the time without actually meaning that things are tiny or cute ^^
First, I must apologize for failing to previously include Grüezi! to you! Vielen danke! I remember when I visited him back then, waay back in 1989, it seemed like the great majority of Swiss males had mustaches…and of course my friend did as well!
That seems to ring a bell, i.e., jar my memory after all these years…I have lost touch with my friend but I think I will try to get back in touch now, and title the letter head / email subject with “Chuchichästli”!
It was really fun. I’ve only met them in person twice. Once as kids and again 2 years ago. We mostly communicate in English. My sister spoke to them online a lot mostly in Japanese for a while, but then we fell out of touch because they moved around so much. They’re half English, so they’ve spent half their life in England with their dad and half in Japan with their mum.
