Alright, today is SUPER SASADANGO MACHINE POWERPOINT translation time! This is from the Super Sasadango Machine vs Aja Kong match that happened on the TJPW VOD show on August 5 (Shoko’s hometown show), which is definitely a real TJPW match that happened. I also totally didn’t think to check if they had photographs of the powerpoint up on the site already, and went through the trouble of taking my own screenshots, but it turns out their photographs are incomplete, so I’ll just use mine anyway, even though they’re worse quality, haha.
“Is this the most important use of your time?” you ask. Well, no, but…
I'll put this under a cut because it's super image heavy. I included transcriptions of the Japanese because I already had them for a lot of the slides, and I figured people who still struggle with the kanji might have fun looking at the original text on your own haha):
人生初試合の上越でアジャコングに勝って地元でもっと尊敬してもらうための方法。
How to beat Aja Kong in a match for the first time in my life in Joetsu so that I’ll get more respect in my hometown.
スーパーササダンゴマシンとは
新潟市東区在住のプロレスラー。2児の父。
DDTプロレス、SLUSH-PILEに所属。
必殺技
①垂直落下式リーマンショック
②プレゼンテーション
Who is Super Sasadango Machine
A professional wrestler living in Higashi Ward, Niigata City. Father of two.
Belongs to DDT Pro Wrestling and SLUSH-PILE.
Special moves:
① Vertical Drop Lehman Shock
② Presentation
暴力
提案力
Violent power
Power of proposal
世の中の課題を解決できる。
Able to solve the problems of the world.
日本の課題
アジャコングに勝ちたい
Problems in Japan:
I want to beat Aja Kong
最強の軍師を招聘しアジャコング対策会議を実施
Invite the best strategist, and hold a meeting to come up with a plan to counter Aja Kong
“アジャコングは女子プロ版の武藤敬司”
プロ書評家・プロインタビューアー
吉田豪
“Aja Kong is the joshi version of Keiji Muto”, says Go Yoshida, a professional book reviewer and interviewer
“アジャコングさんの黒歴史はないんですか？”
“Does Aja Kong-san have any dark history?”
“かなり昔ですがCDを出して歌手デビューしてますね”
“Well, it was a long time ago, but she released a CD and debuted as a singer”
非常に黒歴史の予感。
I had a hunch that this history was quite dark.
1991年12月15日発売
ジャングルジャック『炎の叫び』（ポニーキャニオン）
作詞：サエキけんぞう、作曲：羽田一郎、編曲：水島康貴、振り付け：SAM
Released December 15, 1991
Jungle Jack “炎の叫び” (Pony Canyon)
Lyrics: Kenzo Saeki, Composition: Ichiro Hada, Arrangement: Yasutaka Mizushima, Choreography: SAM
『アジャはアメリカ人とのハーフだからラップもいけるでしょ？』という雑なプランニングで謎の歌詞パートを担当しています。
Go Yoshida: “With a half-baked plan, thinking that ‘Aja is half-American, so she can rap, right?’, they entrusted her with a part that had puzzling lyrics.”
(I wasn’t sure about my translation for this one… 
. I also wasn’t sure if the song title “炎の叫び” had ever been officially romanized anywhere, so I was a bit hesitant to translate it. I might explain that it’s roughly “shout of fire” in a translator’s note and then otherwise leave it)
「炎の叫び」
ヘイル ヘイル パンピナ
ベリベリ バキーン ロケンロール
ヘイル ヘイル バーニナ
ウェコ ウェコ バキーン シェキンロール
（くりかえし）
“炎の叫び”
[song lyrics for the chorus]
(repeat)
試合中に聴いたら精神的ダメージ大
If she hears this during the match, it’ll deal immense psychological damage to her
(I couldn’t really make much out of the katakana soup here, haha. I think I can catch a “rock ‘n’ roll” and maybe a “shake ‘n’ roll”? Everything else just reads as nonsense to me, haha)
今回の敵は超レジェンド「アジャコング」
This opponent is the super-legend “Aja Kong”
策は二重三重に張り巡らすべし。
You must set up double or triple the number of strategies.
全身凶器
Her whole body is a lethal weapon
長年一斗缶を凶器として愛用
She’s been using an 18 liter can as her favorite weapon for years
一斗缶なし 9%
一斗缶あり 91%
9% without the 18 liter can
91% with the 18 liter can
アジャコング対策の本質とは？
What is the fundamental counter strategy for Aja Kong?
一斗缶攻撃をどう回避するか？
How do you avoid her 18 liter can attack?
ものづくりのまち 燕三条製
ステンレスボウル
Made in Tsubamesanjo, the city of manufacturing
STAINLESS STEEL BOWL
一斗缶攻撃の無効化に成功
Successfully nullifies an 18 liter can attack
さらに一斗缶攻撃への対抗手段として
Furthermore, as a countermeasure against the 18 liter can,
浪花屋「元祖柿の種」の缶
A can of Naiwaya’s “Original Kaki no Tane”
浪花屋製菓 「元祖・柿の種」
Naniwaya Confectionery “Original Kaki no Tane”
⊳米菓つくりの本場・新潟で百年以上つづく老舗柿の種ブランド。
⊳ノスタルジックなデザインの缶の容器は、新潟県民にとってあまりにもおなじみ。
⊳サイズは一斗缶に比べやや小ぶりだが、保存容器として各家庭で何十年も活躍する強度と耐久性は、まさに凶器としてうってつけの存在。
⊳ A longstanding brand of kaki no tane that has been produced continuously for over 100 years in Niigata, the home of rice cracker production.
⊳ The container is a can with a nostalgic design, which is very familiar to Niigata residents.
⊳ Although it’s a bit on the small side compared to an 18 liter can, they hold up to decades of use as a storage container in each household, and that strength and durability surely makes them ideal as a weapon.
今日の作戦のまとめ
Summary of the tactics for today:
ピンチになったら「炎の叫び」をかける
一斗缶は燕三条製ステンレスボウルで回避
逆に『杮の種』の缶で一発逆転を狙う
In a pinch, put on 炎の叫び
Avoid the 18 liter can with a stainless steel bowl made in Tsubamesanjo
Or aim for a reversal with a kaki no tane can
上越の皆さんの応援が一番の武器
The support of everyone from Joetsu is my best weapon
ご静聴ありがとうございました。
Thank you for listening patiently.
(I had a lot of trouble figuring out the 静 at first, because this is the best shot we get of this slide, but I think that’s what it says? I translated it as “patiently” instead of “quietly” because that sounded like a more normal thing to say in English…)