Writing exam description help

皆さん、こんばんは

I have a exam on Tuesday for my Japanese class. For the writing element i have had to prepare a description of a person (fictional or real). I was hoping i might be able to get some pointers? any help would be much appreciated.

The description is of my grandma (but not my real grandma). the description is as follows -

私の祖母

祖母は私の一番親類です。

my grandma is my favorite family member

彼女は85歳。彼女は古いですから、引退しています、でも依然活発ですから健康です。

she is 85 years old. she recently retired because she is old, but because she is active she is still healthy.

毎朝の日の出に起きて大きい朝ご飯をたべています。そして、うちから故園ま
で歩きます。時々、週末にいい天気ですと,いっしょに公園で鳥類に食わせっています

every morning she wakes up at sunrise and eats a big breakfast. then she walks from her house to the park. sometimes, If the weather is good on the weekends, we feed the birds together by the river.

彼女は弱々しいに見えって、けどとても強いです。

she looks weak, but she is really strong.

手でリンゴを。。。I want
to say she is able to break an apple in half using only her hands?? but couldn’t quite figure it out.

祖母は目が大きくて、青い大きいメガネを常に掛けています。彼女は髪が白
くて長いです。そして日の下に輝いています。

My grandmas has big eyes, and wears big blue glasses. her hair is long and white. so when she walks under the sun it shines.

私の家族は毎年にクリスマスの間に祖母の家に行っています。彼女は優しい
ですから、祖母は私たちにプレゼントを沢山貰います。

every year during Christmas my whole family go to my grandmas house. my grandma buys us lots of presents because she is very kind.

answers on a postcard please :wink:

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I think 一番親類 is not very clear. Perhaps 一番好きな親類?

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This is a HUGE shot, and I guarantee it’s false, but would this work ?
手で半分のリンゴが折れる
I just learned about the potential form which does the able to do part and somehow remembered you don’t use を since there’s no action happening, but for breaking the apple in half, I don’t know that many particles yet, so I put の in there, because yes.
edit: Actually I think to target intransitive verbs you need to use に ? I remember reading that somewhere, but actual knowledgeble people will correct me on that

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How about 手でリンゴを半分に切れる?

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Oh that seems better and more logical !

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Use 割る rather than 切る in this situation.

リンゴを素手で割れる. / 素手でリンゴを割れる。

Also I dont have time to look through everything since really im just procrastinating my own studies right now, but at a quick glance

use 見える here without the て form. Besides, て form of 見える doesnt have a small tsu. Also you can just replace the first part entirely with 見かけによらず if you wanna shorten it since its kinda a given that grannys look weak, but you dont have to. You can also just add it in between for emphasis. Ok I’ll get back to my work now.

I lied

プレゼントを私たちにたくさん渡してくれます.

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Shouldn’t it be 割れられる? Using the potential form?

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WHO DARE DISTURBS ME FROM MY STUDIES!!!

Nah its 割れる. 割れられる is the potential form of 割れる. The base verb we are interested in is 割る, not 割れる.

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(Isn’t this meant to be a test of your Japanese ability? Not ours? :stuck_out_tongue: )

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古い can only used for inanimate things. I’d reword this: 彼女は85歳。彼女は古いですから
As this: 彼女は85歳なので。。。

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Yup, or if you still want to use “old”, the word for people is 年寄り.

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でも is used at the start of a sentence, so maybe just change the comma after 引退しています to a period.

I can’t read that jukugo, but I feel there must be a simpler way to say ‘she is active’.

健康 means health, not healthy. So maybe use 健康がいい/元気.

(Also, what @Belthazar said)

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OK - yeah - good point - makes it more clear.

ありがとうございました。:slight_smile:

Awesome !

I’ve incorporated your suggestions ! I am pretty early on in my grammar studies, so have looked up the things i didn’t get.

mmmm i’m kind of aware this reply might disturb you further - but want to thank you anyway :slight_smile:

also @Loglog74 @plantron 本当にありがとうございました

right ! I seeeee - brilliant, thanks !

Think I may use this - because I can write the kanji !! haha - thank-you

皆さん、ありがとう。:):clap::clap::clap:

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