10月19日
CW: emotional stuff, but I don’t go into too much detail
After all the usual stuff, plus some textfugu, I finished watching “the boyfriend” for today and I typed up what I said below, which made me think of how it’s so strange how my mind has blocked out so many memories from my 9 month exchange in japan. Because of some trauma and dissociation, I really forgot so so much. Over the last 7 years I’ve been slowly unpacking things as I remembered or processed them, and I knew my decision to start learning japanese again would do that too.
Anyway, I just wanted to say that watching natural conversations in japanese (whether or not you believe reality tv is scripted) was kind of a surreal experience. I’ve only been watching animated films and listening to scripted lessons so far, so watching a live-action show that seems to have real people talking, is a mix of interesting, exciting, sad, fun, puzzling, beautiful and complicated. I guess I’m saying it’s bringing up a lot of feelings and memories for me.
I know too well how easy it could be for me to overdo this learning and cause some pain. I’m doing my best to do it in a healthy way, but my excitement sometimes gets the better of me and learning japanese is all I can think about. I’m cautious to not go too far, but so far it’s been a wonderful and healing experience and I’m excited to continue. 