(The increasingly less) Daily senryu thread

I was discussing the above 句 with a 日本人 friend and she composed the following as a comforting response:

「目が覚めて 今日も私は 生きている」
Heck, yes! :grinning:

Belated Happy Birthday, @Rrwrex !!

1 Like

Thank you!

Yup. A close friend taught me my favorite expression: “keep breathing.” The best advice I know (useful in all sorts of situations).

He also taught me that “even prisoners get to eat.” :smile:

Tuesday, May 24, 2022


Previous senryu

  1. 横の子をあやして泣かれ席を立つ
    よこのこを・あやしてなかれ・せきをたつ
    My attempt to comfort the kid next to me made them cry, so I got up and left.

Notes:

  • :confetti_ball: to @KJules (well done, none of the rest of us got it)
  • I’ve noticed with many of these that once they are explained, the grammar makes complete sense
  • The keys to this one was realizing it was a 横にいる子 not 横になっている子, and realizing that 席を立つ has a strong sense of leaving, not just getting out of your chair. Oh, and あやしてなかれ implies the comforting caused the crying. So yeah, you have to figure out all of it to understand any of it!

Current senryu challenge

Volume: Heartfelt

  1. しみじみと妻のイビキを聞いている

Note that this is in the しみじみ編 which I’ve been calling the “heartfelt” volume, but that’s not a very good translation. I think this is just one of those words with no perfect English equivalent. That word should be the only difficult part with this one (famous last words).

Remember to please use the spoiler tag with your translation attempts! Also, please include the reading in kana with your submission.


Everyone is encouraged to participate, no matter your level!

Online tools like dictionaries, sentence databases, and even AI translation engines are fair game and can be extremely helpful. Yomichan is particularly handy if you use the Chrome or Firefox browser.

Here are the links to the 356 Japanese originals (spoiler free) and to the the spreadsheet with all the upcoming senryu as well as the translations to date.!

3 Likes

translation attempt

しみじみとつまのイビキをきいている

listening, softly
the gentle snores of my wife
permeate my heart

Translation notes

I added the words softly and gentle to reach the 5 7 5 syllable count, and to fit the しみじみ mood.

4 Likes

Lovely submission, but I wanted to point out that we now prefer 3-5-3 or 4-5-4 per this article that @fallynleaf referenced in this post.

Using fewer English syllables definitely seems to “feel” closer to the original Japanese.

Also, I’m unsure, but I suspect that this one may use a different connotation for しみじみ. I’m suspecting this one:

しみじみ聴く listen attentively

The と is also making me squirm a little, though. I’m not confident with my interpretation yet.

Translation attempt

  1. しみじみと妻のイビキを聞いている

しみじみと・つまのイビキを・きいている

I’m listening,
keenly attentive
— my wife’s snoring

2 Likes

thanks for letting me know! In this case it did feel like I needed to add quite a bit to get up to that syllable count.

1 Like

I don’t have a translation for this, haha, because unless I’m wrong with my interpretation, part of this doesn’t really translate. I think maybe it’s an onomatopoeia joke on しみじみ sounding like a person snoring?

This is how it reads to me:

I’m listening to my wife snore “しみじみ”

2 Likes

Work was a little intense this week, so I only just had a chance to check in here now. I love this one💕

my whole heart
absorbed in the sound of my
wife snoring

1 Like

I know there’s many, like ウトウト、グーグー、すやすや… but haven’t heard しみじみ!

Is it because of the と? If so, I was confused by that at first too… but apparently adverbs (しみじみ is an adverb) take particles と and に!
Here’s the article I found explaining, but the important part is quoted here:

ただし、「景色がはっきり 見える」のように、副詞は「と」や「に」を伴うことがあります。このような場合は、と(に)も含めて1つの副詞になることを覚えておきましょう。

I started searching because my dictionary said that when しみじみ is accompanied with と it especially means intently,fully,heartily as opposed to the other, softer meanings. ( ̄▽ ̄);

1 Like

Didn’t know that variation in meaning. Further, it seems that getting up from a chair can be a nuanced act: 「席を立つ」と「席を外す」と「席を離れる」の違い

Volume: Heartfelt

    しみじみと妻のイビキを聞いている

しみじみとつまのイビキをきいている

4-5-4 attempt:

Alert, I hear / the deep drawn breaths of / my snoring wife

Is this a situation where the shoe is on the other foot? (i.e. the author is listening to his wife snoring with a vengeful satisfaction? :upside_down_face:) If so, it’d be better served by the longer 5-7-5 version below:

Alert, I listen / to the labored breathing of / my wife as she snores

2 Likes

It’s this specific usage of 「席を立つ」, I think:

2つ目は「参加している場の座席からいなくなること」という意味で、席から立ち上がるだけではなく、その場を去ることです。

(Yesterday’s so no spoiler.) They were “participating” in calming/cuddling the baby, then got up and left when it started crying.

1 Like

Yeah, I hadn’t heard of that one, either, but to me, the word fits the pattern of a person inhaling and exhaling, so that was my first thought :sweat_smile:.

I think you might be on the right track with と and adverbs, though! Especially if that is an established meaning of the word.

1 Like

I can imagine it! If it’s not “officially” a thing, I wanna make しみじみ snoring a thing haha

1 Like

My mother-in-law uses と this way all the time. I wonder if it’s a kansai-ben thing.

Wednesday, May 25, 2022


Previous senryu

  1. しみじみと妻のイビキを聞いている
    しみじみと・つまのイビキを・きいている
    I’m listening, / keenly attentive / — my wife’s snoring

Notes:

  • :confetti_ball: to Axazel with “my whole heart / absorbed in the sound of my / wife snoring”. This felt the most poetic to me.
  • But I decided to go with my own because of the grading rules (in the top post): it’s a 4-5-4 and doesn’t introduce any words other than “I’m” and “my” (but English phrases usually need subjects!). I also like that it leaves the reason for the “keenly attentive listening” (しみじみと聞いている) open to the reader’s interpretation.

REQUEST

Multiple submissions are fine, but please don’t put them in same reply. I still count “likes” when deciding winners winners and if there are multiple submissions in a reply, I don’t know which one is being liked. Multiple replies are fine (even if Discourse might encourage you to combine them).


Current senryu challenge

Volume: Global Truths

  1. こんなおれでもこの世ではオンリーワン

This one proves that it’s not the kanji that make these tricky to interpret!

My thought (hardly a “hint” because I have very little confidence in my interpretation, but you may want to work on your own interpretation before revealing this, regardless):

I think the author just did something silly/stupid/embarassing. 「こんな!」is an exclamation I’ve heard for something that seems stupid or annoying. So I think this is basically about being the only person on earth who could do something so stupid. I’m slightly puzzled by the でも, however.

Remember to please use the spoiler tag with your translation attempts! Also, please include the reading in kana with your submission.


Everyone is encouraged to participate, no matter your level!

Online tools like dictionaries, sentence databases, and even AI translation engines are fair game and can be extremely helpful. Yomichan is particularly handy if you use the Chrome or Firefox browser.

Here are the links to the 356 Japanese originals (spoiler free) and to the the spreadsheet with all the upcoming senryu as well as the translations to date.

2 Likes

こんなおれでもこのよではオンリーワン
4-5-4 version
No one am I, /
yet, in this world, the /
only one “me”

The ワン reminded me of the first time I encountered a ワンマン sign on a train in Kyoto and couldn’t figure out on the map where the station for ワンマン was. So, I asked the conductor 「ワンマンはどこでしょうか」 and he explained: 「ワンマンは私だけですから…」 We both had a laugh over it and, after I got out the station exit, proceeded to facepalm myself. :grimacing:

4 Likes

Yay, another Kansai aficionado.

For those wondering: a ワンマン train only has a (single) driver. Most have at least two conductors in both the front and rear of the train to ensure passengers get on and off safely as well as physically driving the train. Why they chose to use the English words is anyone’s guess.

From a pure safety standpoint, Japanese trains are an absolute marvel. It’s unbelievable how few people are hurt by trains (or crowded stations) every year.

Interesting! You were probably wise not to read (or to ignore!) my thoughts on it being related to a mistake. I’m still leaning about 60% in favor of my interpretation, however. I know そんな is often a colloquialism for “that’s nuts!” or “no way!”. I may need to impose imposed on my family in Japan again!


Edit: Oh, God. I fear this has something to do with enka. I’m now suspecting it’s about karaoke or at least about the song!. [FALSE ALARM (thank heavens).] Maybe not. It might be referencing a song by SMAP


Edit 2:

Daughter says:

こんな(おれ) or こんな(わたし) basically puts yourself down, so こんな俺でも is sort of like “even someone like me”. So @LaVieQ’s interpretation appears to be correct.

Translation attempt

Now that I know what’s going on, here’s my attempt at a 3-5-3

  1. こんなおれでもこの世ではオンリーワン

こんなおれ・でもこのよでは・オンリーワン

Even poor me
is the only me
in the world

Pro:

  • Keeps the meaning
  • 3-5-3 4-5-4
  • Simple

Con:

  • Introduces the word “poor”. I couldn’t think of any other one syllable way to put yourself down, though. “Pitiful” works with 3 syllables, but I like “even poor” better.

Edit:

Wife chimes in: “I think it might be implying the song 「世界に一つだけの花」by SMAP.:no_mouth:

4 Likes

Gonna sleep for now, and go through everyone’s versions in the AM. Reading today’s 川柳 is the perfect ending to my day :relieved:

My attempt:

even someone
lowly as I in this world
can’t be replaced

5 Likes