(The increasingly less) Daily senryu thread

ごめんねの かわりか さらをあらってる

Instead of
“sorry” I’m washing
the dishes

This one is pretty simple! and relatable

2 Likes

I appreciate all the work you put into grading the senryu! I also wasn’t the biggest fan of my translation due to this change, as I was focusing on getting syllable counts, which made the word change. I should’ve put again, searching, but it didn’t fit the poetic style as much.

I appreciate trying to directly translate all the senryu! It’s a fun task that I like to participate in when I get the chance, and I’m honored the few I’ve done have been popular.

That said, I have had a hard time figuring out a clear rule set of how the grading goes because some things just don’t translate as nicely, and since I have been focusing on sylable counts I have taken many liberties before. Knowing now that the direct translation is more favorable I will do my best to translate more directly going forward!

Thanks for your thoughts! and again for keeping this thread entertaining and well managed!

1 Like

Re: your most recent submission:

That darned lack of a subject in Japanese! I read it as the spouse doing the dishes, not the author. I’m curious to see which way most of us interpret it.

That would be my fault as I keep tinkering with the rules! <laugh>

I do think it makes sense to emphasize the Japanese over the English, but it’s fun to tinker with the latter too. As was pointed out to me several times earlier, it can never be purely objective and rules driven: ultimately it comes down to my judgement.

I try to at least document how I’m judging things (even if sometimes retroactively).

No matter what I write, I’ll goof up and apply the rules inconsistently at times. Don’t hesitate to push back or point out errors in my thinking!

2 Likes

ごめんねの かわりかさらを あらってる

4-5-4 translation:

Washing dishes.
All because I didn’t
say, “I’m sorry?”

Translation Attempt

ごめんねのかわりかさらをあらってる

“I’m sorry” substitute? Dishwashing.

Translation notes:

  • This is one of the ones I feel works better as a direct translation.
  • I’m using punctuation as part of the translation here to indicate what’s meant by か and keeping the first part as a noun in the English version.
  • I feel like “nounverbing” is the best English analog for nounをverbている :wink:
2 Likes

Thursday, June 16, 2022


Previous senryu

  1. ゴメンネの代わりか皿を洗ってる
    ごめんねのかわりかさらをあらってる
    “I’m sorry” substitute? Dishwashing.

Notes:

  • :confetti_ball: @alo

  • “I’m using punctuation as part of the translation here to indicate what’s meant by か and keeping the first part as a noun in the English version.”

  • This award is almost entirely due to @alo 's incredible ability to go back and stealth edit this senryu everyplace it was written, including the original website, and add that か in the middle that I’LL SWEAR TO MY GRAVE WAS NOT THERE WHEN I LOOKED AT THIS YESTERDAY!

  • The human brain freaks me out. This isn’t the first time this has happened here! Apparently when I read Japanese the 送り仮名 completely disappears. I know we read words at a time in English or Japanese, but it’s increasingly apparent that “extra” kana easily blends in with adjacent 送り仮名. Did anyone else experience this?!

Current senryu challenge

Volume: Global truths

  1. 思いやり思い上がりと紙一重

I can “read” every bit of this without a dictionary. But I still don’t know what it means! (Yet.)


Remember to please use the spoiler tag with your translation attempts! Also, please include the reading in kana with your submission.

Everyone is encouraged to participate, no matter your level!

Online tools like dictionaries, sentence databases, and even AI translation engines are fair game and can be extremely helpful. Yomichan is particularly handy if you use the Chrome or Firefox browser. The 語源(ごげん)由来(ゆらい)辞典(じてん) is also an excellent resource for researching the etymology of various words and expressions.

Here are the links to the 356 Japanese originals (spoiler free) and to the the spreadsheet with all the upcoming senryu as well as the translations to date.

1 Like

Translation attempt

Ah! I think I’ve got it.

  1. 思いやり思い上がりと紙一重

おもいやり・おもいあがりと・かみひとえ

Thoughtfulness is
a paper-thin step
from presumption

Notes:

  • I knew 思いやり meant “consideration” from my WK studies! I had to use an English thesaurus to find a synonym with fewer than 5 syllables, however.
  • I had to look up the connotations for 思い上がり which means conceit or vanity, but also presumption!
  • I knew 一重 meant “one layer” but discovered that 紙一重 meant “paper-thin (difference)”.
  • I couldn’t think of anyway to avoid introducing “step” or some other word without also eliminating “paper-thin” or the like.

Once again, I’m quite confident in my translation. Experience has taught me I’m about to be shown my confidence was misplaced!

4 Likes

おもいやり おもいあがりと かみひとえ

3-5-3

A fine line
divides conceit from
sympathy

Not sure if this is the right meaning, :face_with_diagonal_mouth:

Edit: The psychology of 思い上がり

4 Likes

Friday, June 17, 2022


Previous senryu

  1. 思いやり思い上がりと紙一重
    おもいやり・おもいあがりと・かみひとえ
    Thoughtfulness is / a paper-thin step / from presumption

Notes:

  • :trophy: to LaVieQ for a nice poetic interpretation
  • I went with my own translation as I think it’s most faithful to the original Japanese: “paper-thin (step)” vs “fine line”, and I think “thoughtfulness/presumption” are closer than “sympathy/conceit” in this context (though that’s quite subjective).
  • I find it interesting that at first glance (at least to this native English speaker), 一重(ひとえ) seems to have a different connotation here than in 63. 「目は一重アゴ二重に腹は三重」. If you think about it though, it’s really not. It’s just that “one layer” (or “one layer thick”) is applied to different objects (paper and eyes, respectively). I was familiar with the eye usage, but this was a new one for me.

Current senryu challenge

Volume: Heartfelt (しみじみ編)

  1. 恋人のモーニングコール起きて待つ

Wowza. Yet another connotation for しみじみ <blushes>. Easy to read, though (no character beyond level 17).


Remember to please use the spoiler tag with your translation attempts! Also, please include the reading in kana with your submission.

Everyone is encouraged to participate, no matter your level!

Online tools like dictionaries, sentence databases, and even AI translation engines are fair game and can be extremely helpful. Yomichan is particularly handy if you use the Chrome or Firefox browser. The 語源(ごげん)由来(ゆらい)辞典(じてん) is also an excellent resource for researching the etymology of various words and expressions.

Here are the links to the 356 Japanese originals (spoiler free) and to the the spreadsheet with all the upcoming senryu as well as the translations to date.

1 Like

こいびとの モーニングコール おきてまつ (5-8-5)

3-4-3 translation:

Wake up to
wait for my love’s
wake up call

This one was easy after I learned that “morning call” = “wake up call” - didn’t know that until now.
The first translation that came to mind was: Wake up to / wait for my love’s / moaning call. :slight_smile: The kinda call that I’d like to be woken up to. And the translation reads way better than the original. :grin:

I’m traveling for the next 3 days - will resume once I’m back next Tuesday. Y’all have fun.

4 Likes

I hope it’s a pleasure trip.

Thanks for the submission and talk to you in a few days!

I knew what a “morning call” was in katakana-go — “moaning call” didn’t even occur to me!

Even so, I think the connotation is similar. :smile:

1 Like

恋人のモーニングコール起きて待つ

Kana:

こいびとのモーニングコールおきてまつ

Translation attempt:

Waiting for
My lover’s call
On waking

1 Like

Once again I’m going to take a day to submit a poll (and once again I’m sneaking my own submission in at the end).

Which is your favorite? [Please don’t be shy — anyone viewing this thread is welcome to vote.]

恋人のモーニングコール起きて待つ
  • Wake up to / wait for my love’s / wake up call (LaVieQ)
  • Waiting for / My lover’s call / On waking (valvictorine)
  • Awake but / still awaiting my / love’s wake-up (Rrwrex)

0 voters

Coming in late with a submission :sweat_smile:

恋人(こいびと)のモーニングコール()きて()

waiting to
wake up to my love’s
wake-up call

I ended up googling 起きて待つ to see if it was a set expression I was unaware of, and I was amused to find this book on cat-related expressions in English. Here, it’s translated as “wait up for”.

As far as interpretations go, the sense I got from it is that instead of setting an alarm or something, the person is letting their lover be their morning alarm, so it’s not actually morning until their lover has woken them up.

Also, I’ve been a little busy, so I missed this one:

I just wanted to comment that 紙一重 is actually another word that I learned from wrestling, haha. It was used in a wrestling promo that I translated a couple months ago, and has been bouncing around a bit in Anki for me because the reading is a little tricky :sweat_smile:. I did, in fact, manage to read it correctly in the senryu, though, so I guess my practice is counting for something!

3 Likes

Sunday, June 19, 2022

Well, so much for using a poll to help make my decision easier!


Previous senryu

  1. 恋人のモーニングコール起きて待つ
    こいびとの・モーニングコール・おきてまつ
    Awake but / waiting for my love’s / call to rise

Notes:

  • :confetti_ball: to @LaVieQ, @valvictorine, @fallynleaf
  • As punishment for not naming a clear winner, I created a new entry.
  • The alliteration and repetition of the word (or partial word) “wake” started to grate, so I opted to avoid the direct translation of “wake-up call”.

Current senryu challenge

Volume: Salaryman

  1. 久しぶり 定時帰宅に 笑顔なし!

It’s starting to amaze me how many of these recent ones I can read without a dictionary now. Daily reading practice, even just 17 (おん) per day really seems to pay off.

No hints because all of these are pretty common words and taught on Wanikani. (ひさし)しぶり ([after a] long time) is the most advanced from level 34.

While I understand all the words, it doesn’t mean I necessarily understand the intended meaning. I can think of at least a couple different interpretations.


Remember to please use the spoiler tag with your translation attempts! Also, please include the reading in kana with your submission.

Everyone is encouraged to participate, no matter your level!

Online tools like dictionaries, sentence databases, and even AI translation engines are fair game and can be extremely helpful. Yomichan is particularly handy if you use the Chrome or Firefox browser. The 語源(ごげん)由来(ゆらい)辞典(じてん) is also an excellent resource for researching the etymology of various words and expressions.

Here are the links to the 356 Japanese originals (spoiler free) and to the the spreadsheet with all the upcoming senryu as well as the translations to date.

1 Like

Hiragana

ひさしぶり ていじきたくに えがおなし!

Translation notes/ discussion.

This first is a direct translation because poetry hard.
Long time no see, going home on time, without a smile.

or

It’s been a long time since I’ve come home on time to no smile.

I believe the one without a smile is the author due to the origins being in Salaryman, but I can’t shake the feeling maybe the person waiting for the salaryman isn’t happy he’s back home on time.

So essentially if no one’s waiting for him to come home, then he’s not happy to be leaving on time. This one is tricky…

Since time zones are a thing, I will post this attempt following the salaryman is not happy to be coming home on time.

Attempt

been a while
since I’ve gone home
on time, no smile!

2 Likes

Just a couple thoughts, the first I’m certain of, the second less so:

  1. 久しぶり (without the 「〜ですね!」) doesn’t always mean “long time no see”. Exactly as in your final submission, it can also be「久しぶりに〜」meaning a long time since doing something or since something has happened (not necessarily just meeting or seeing someone).

  2. Another possible interpretation of 笑顔なし is that he’s trying to hide a smile. My initial thought is the salaryman author is hiding the smile from their boss or co-workers. The old salaryman trope is that the boss can’t leave until all their reports have gone home, and that everyone has to give their all to the company.

1 Like

Ohhhh number two makes more sense now, of couse he’d be happy to go home on time, and the exclaimation point hammers that point in. With this in mind I’ll give it another crack…

It has been so long
since I have gone home on time.
I’m not smiling!

I’m not happy with it, but poetry isn’t my strong suit. Just happy to translate

2 Likes

I actually had the same interpretation as @superelf94 :woman_shrugging:t3:
His wife is waiting at home, but surprisingly she‘s not over the moon that he‘s home so early.
It’s also a thing in Japan that wives divorce their husbands after they retire, because before retirement the wives could just do as they please (and even if they didn’t really like their husband they wouldn’t see them much) but now their husbands are around which is of course annoying so they get divorced.
I think this is the direction the 川柳 is aiming at. (Not divorce or anything, but „wife is actually happy to spend her time alone and the husband is 邪魔 sometimes“)

2 Likes

久しぶり 定時帰宅に 笑顔なし!

It’s hard to choose between the boomer stereotypes but

I thought the same as Myria and superelf94, the family is not happy to see him.

his wife just wants to be alone, and he his out of touch with his children that he never see anyway. Seems to be a common theme that the dad is always isolated, working endlessly.

Going for 4-5-4

Finally could
go back home on time
Nobody smile!

2 Likes