I assure you this was entirely accidental. I didn’t realize that the word at the end constituted a punchline, and you provided some interpretations that I hadn’t even thought about, but which I quite like, like
the idea of being startled awake being the kicker here.
I played with both of those and ultimately went with the other one. I’m glad you liked that word choice, though, because I was kind of partial to it myself.
I could be wrong, but the 目覚め wording makes me feel the sense is being startled awake, realizing that you’d slept through class and woken up in a different one.
Mitrac’s suggestion allows it to work in English with the original order, too: “Before my eyes / upon waking / is the wrong teacher”.
Current senryu challenge
Volume: 強烈 (Intense)
誰かじゃなくて何かに似ている人
Hopefully another fairly easy one suitable for even beginners. Tomorrow will be a hard one.
Remember to please use the spoiler tag with your translation attempts! Also, please include the reading in kana with your submission.
Everyone is encouraged to participate, no matter your level!
Oh yeah, there’s that, too. When I was looking up 見事 to be sure I knew it, I saw a note on the second definition of “complete; utter” that it’s usually seen as “見事に,” so my brain went there
This is where “y’all” excels as a 2nd person plural for us southerners.
禁煙と見事に書けて一服す
Is there some wordplay here with 一服 meaning both “to take a puff” and “to rest”? And with 服す meaning to observe, wherein observe can mean both “to obey (policy)” and “to look (carefully) at”? Or am I way off base?
So am I the only one that read it as ‘a puff of smoke beutifully writing out “no smoking”’?
Reasoning:
For me す at the end could be a cut off です, so
禁煙 “No smoking”
と書けて writing out
見事に beautifully, magnificently, pick your poison
一服 puff
(で)す is
It is a puff beautifully writing out “no smoking”.
Like I said, I’m not at all confident in my interpretation. I don’t know if any of these are correct. I’ll forward it to the fam in Japan tonight to get some native takes.
Curious if you’re actually from New Orleans?
I’m a navy brat who’s traveled a lot, but I’m born and raised in Virginia, am still a property owner in North Carolina, and have kin on my father’s side in Kentucky. “Y’all” is definitely part of my vocabulary.
It’s interesting to see it morph as you move around the east coast: “you guys,”, “you’se guys,” even “you’ns” (pronounced “yunz”) in parts of Pennsylvania I think. And yes, it’s perfectly normal to refer to even an individual as “y’all.”
I’m not actually, I’m a native of the Carolinas (We definitely have some yinzers up in the western NC mountains too!) I just like the theatricality and joy of a jazz funeral. I think too often Americans, in all their funerary solemnity, forget to celebrate life. The way death/funerary practices vary from culture to culture is a fascinating topic unto itself. Forgive the momentary off-topic tangent!
I’m probably wrong as usual (will check with a native), but just in case:
禁煙と見事に書けて一服す
きんえんと・みごとにかけて・いっぷくす
Magnificently written: / “No Smoking” / — I take one puff
Reasoning:
I think it would be 「と<書>[か]けた」or, more likely, 「と<書>[か]いた」if it was the puff itself that spelled out “no smoking”. My grammar is terrible, though.
We both think the original basically says 禁煙と書けている, but just leaves off the いる. The question is whether there’s a “no smoking” sign, or if the smoke itself spells it out. I’ll try to find out what a native thinks. I’ve seen some of those crazy vape tricks, but
Is the す somehow turning いっぷく into a verb (short for する maybe?) or is it short for です as you surmise?
Could it possibly be 吸?! That is, is the writer sucking-in a puff after seeing the sign?
If it is the smoke spelling out 禁煙, that’s one heck of a trick! 26 strokes!
Another one I could think of would be I wrote down “no smoking” perfectly, then puffed out smokeWould make sense if the person was for example a street worker, and it would use the linking meaning of the te form