Have you yet tried joining the Absolute Beginner Book Club, and learning grammar as you go that way?
I found textbook-style learning didn’t work for me, but looking up grammar as I went through reading a manga worked a lot better for me. The book clubs make it even easier when first starting out with grammar because you have more context, and book club discussion of the grammar is targeted to the specific usage case.
The first book or manga is always the most difficult thing to read, and will be a huge struggle. But after a few volumes of struggling, it only gets easier from there. (Until you pick up a book or manga from a different author. And then move on to something more difficult.)