Reb's Study Log

a pep talk - big hugs

I disagree - 4 hours of anything self-motivated and self-managed is objectively a lot.

Employment for 8+ hours a day is in many ways easier, especially if you’re lucky enough to have clear expectations and tasks allocated to you. There are many benefits in that situation we take for granted - being told what to do, enthusiasm from other members of the team, necessity, customers/clients, that all make it “easier” because you need zero willpower aside from showing up.

Whereas a hobby or self-employment requires coming up with your own plan, enthusiasm, resources, solutions, and time management. It just is harder to do all that on your own. We’re social creatures! We’re not designed to be solo performance machines!

So please, don’t be too hard on yourself, it sounds like mostly what you need is a break to be genuinely nice to yourself and do things you genuinely enjoy - with no performance / efficiency strings attached. Whether it’s someone who has a chronic illness or long-term unemployed or something else, I’ve seen friends fall into the trap of not letting themselves enjoy anything because they haven’t “earned” it - but that mindset saps the energy needed for healing and employment or homemaking etc.

It’s not possible to just wave a magic wand to change that mindset. One thing I have seen help people is to choose to believe that you are enough just as you are, and following that try it out - e.g., to allow yourself some enjoyment with no strings attached. Believing that doesn’t cause laziness - you can still strive to achieve ambitious aims, it’s about a healthy background belief that you don’t need to achieve 100% to be worthy of self care and happiness.

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Ok I laughed. The compulsion to do things perfectly in order is the annoying thing!

The goal that keeps you satisfied and motivated is the right level, and this current level is clearly not doing that for you. Why are you supposed to go above and beyond? Not just once, but every day? You’re human and you should stay with us on the human level. We mess up and need rest and change, it’s all normal and generally people understand each other when it happens. There will always be some who feel you should be a perfect machine while easily forgiving their own mistakes, but I don’t have polite words for those people.

I do vocab SRS and/or read most days, but if I’m really not feeling it one day for whatever reason, I just won’t do it. I might even take several days off. It feels ok because I trust myself to come back to it when I’m ready. Developing that trust for yourself is key, I think. Easier said than done, but it absolutely can be done.

Also +1 to the fact that 4 hours a day of self-motivated mental work is absolutely a lot. 8 hour work days come from a time when the vast majority of people were doing simple labor. For difficult mental labor (like learning a language completely different from your native one) 4 hours without sleep is considered an upper limit. Doing that every day on top of your other concerns… you’re genuinely expecting yourself to be superhuman.

Fighting your own brain is an awful struggle. Hang in there. Big hugs :heart:

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And on top of this you have lunch breaks, mental downtime, internet scrolling time, time when you’re doing less mentally strenuous tasks! If you cut all that out the amount of time then the amount of time you’re using the amount of brain effort that would be comparable to intensive language study is even lower. Of course it depends on the job, but I’m sure there’s a lot of jobs which are easier than studying a language for 4 hours a day pretty full-on. I know mine is probably easier in many ways.

Speaking as someone who’s fortunate enough to be able to spend probably 4 hours a day learning, I think the only way that putting that much time into language learning is possible for me is because of opportunity, motivation, but most importantlyjust a large chunk of it no longer feeling like a difficult chore. SRS and textbook study is the only thing that feels like work, and that probably adds up to 1-2 hours a day (still a lot of time!). The vast remainder of the time is exclusively enjoyment-focused. watching TV I want to watch, or reading books I want to read, and making sure that both are relatively extensive. Spending 3 hours watching an anime I’m really into, pausing occasionally to lookup a word, is so much less mental effort than trying to read something difficult very intensively, looking up 5-10 times a page. Before I got to the point where I could enjoy stuff I was actually interested in extensively, I couldn’t spend 4 hours a day consistently studying. Not day after day. Maybe 3 hours a day for a few weeks at a time, and that felt like a lot. That’s more than tons of people manage. And that’s when it’s something you (relatively) enjoy and have a purpose behind! If it’s something that feels just like a chore, your brain might further restrict the amount of effort it’s willing to give you.

It’s difficult to do the hard stuff consistently while not overdoing it. It’s hard to find the balance at times. You do need to push through a bit sometimes, but you shouldn’t be doing that everyday, all the time. If you really don’t feel like doing it, don’t. Do something you enjoy instead. 4 hours a day is so much! That’s like 1500 hours a year. That’s a crazy amount of time to do anything. It gets easier when you manage to find things that just feel like enjoyment which involve using the language, and you get to the point where you can just “do” them - like extensive reading.

Feel free to take this with a grain of salt, but it seems like your reading and listening is really intensive - I found that accepting more ambiguity and just focusing on getting the gist when reading helped me to progress much quicker, because I could put more time into it consistently, because it didn’t feel like a chore.

Basically, like others have said, find something you don’t need to push yourself to enjoy! Find something that you enjoy so much that you want to do it! If you want to put a lot of time into studying Japanese, then my suggestion is read like a child, accept ambiguity, try and find that child-like joy in experiencing content you find fun! When you feel able to push yourself and do the boring bits, then do that. When you don’t, do something that doesn’t feel like a chore.

It’s all about figuring out how to match your learning to yourself - not changing yourself to fit some perfect studying method. To do that, you need to continue to make mistakes, learn more about yourself, figure out what you enjoy, figure out what you don’t enjoy. Be kind to yourself, keep trying, but keep trying to work towards happiness and enjoyment. Maybe try and treat this as an opportunity to readjust and try new things.

This is too long and rambly. But I really really really hope you manage to find how to enjoy the process. And don’t forget that you’ve already made tons of progress! 頑張ってください!!!

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Successfully found joy in: an atla fanfic, niece beaming upon seeing me, apothecary diaries s2.

Did some maths. I tracked my time spent studying for most of last year, so I added it up and averaged it out to 90m per day. A lot less than 4 hours, and I made a shitton of progress.

So I’m thinking 1hr of daily studying (grammar, intensive reading/listening, not all at the same time). Then anything extra I do is more extensive and I don’t track the time and just trust there will be enough days with motivation that it works out.

If I’m having a really bad day, I can lower my goal to like just 10m of anything, doesn’t have to be intensive. If I’m having a really motivated day, I can up it to 2 hours intensive and then pour the rest of that motivation into more extensive stuff.

I realised I had in my head that I’d get back into actual studying on Monday, since that is the start of the week and when I should start things. But, I don’t actually have to wait until Monday to start things, so I decided to try my new method and managed half an hour of skimming grammar.

Things I read this week:

ぼっち

Reading Goal: one strip of Bocchi

ぼっち notes:
48 - 1st
“Ah! Before that, earlier didn’t you have something you needed to do?” “Uh, now, I’m searching for a guitar-vocal for my band,” “Umm, because, I heard that you can play the guitar”
“I see… Sorry, I won’t join that band.”
“Ah, no… I am dark but the other members are bright… They always work without their smiles dying (helpful arrow points out this is a lie, though I’m not sure if Bocchi is aware she’s lying or if she actually views Nijika and Ryou that way)” “No, it’s not that I find you unpleasant,”
“Next week is the half yearly BBQ, one (competition thingy), live broadcast will end, limosine, there are a lot of events” (I’m not sure how understandable this is supposed to be, I think it’s a list of various things) “I hate that kind of party people band, but” (Bocchi was listing what she thinks are fun things a band might do to convince Kita to join.)

レンタルおにいちゃん

I have done a lot of thinking and very purposefully not attempted the four hours today. I am going to read. I am not going to time my reading. I have chosen to read レンタルおにいちゃん because I like it and it’s easy.

I’ve been putting off this chapter since it looks important and I wanted to be in the right headspace for it. I’m pretty sure the right headspace is not my current one, but this is what I want to read so here goes nothing.

Turns out it was really useful to look at some basic 関西弁 the other day. Grammar is useful. I want to fly through the basics and go back over stuff later. Because the grammar I did yesterday felt good, felt productive. And since I chuck it into anki, I get to revise the basic idea until I have time to properly study it.

生き残った6人によると
スーと鯛ちゃん

薬屋のひとりごと

APOTHECARY DIARIES S2 LET’S GO!!! THE OP IS HYPEEEE!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!! I am too happy I am not calm eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee The episode is gooooooooddddddddd eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee Why do I have to wait an entire week for the next one???

Things I suddenly feel motivated to do:

  • Read the LN
  • Handwriting

My reading motivation went away after the second sentence so I’m not going to push it.

ドラえもん

葬送のフリーレン

I read the next Frieren chapter without looking everything up. I still looked some things up. But, more extensively. I can very much tell there’s a lot I’m missing from the conversations. I think we have a new party member? Is Zain his name? It probably has a more German spelling.

Things I listened to this week:
Comprehensible Japanese - Complete Beginner playlist
FF3 let’s play

Misc Learning:

Grammar - skimmed the rest of the N4 points on JLPT先生

I’m definitely rushing through grammar too quickly. There’s quite a few of these よう grammar points and I’ll need to spent more time looking at which one is which. But, I feel like I’m making progress just by knowing they exist. But while I’ve now looked at all the N4 grammar points, I don’t feel like I know them yet. However, I do now have a headache. So that’s fun.

Handwriting - mostly hiragana, also did some numbers and other Lv1 kanji
SRS - other than some wk on Monday, I’ve been doing anki about every other day

I’m struggling to balance making and tracking progress with not being as hard on myself. I removed all the studying from my schedule after my spiral at the start of the week, and then just barely did anything. I’m going to try to make studying an after lunch activity. In the process of deciding that, I have over scheduled my life again, oops.

For tracking, I’ve adjusted my study log a bit. I think it looks better than 7 wordy paragraphs each saying I watched a Comprehensible Japanese video today, and this way it’s not obvious I missed days so I feel less bad about it. I’m also tracking pages read and minutes listened to on my phone. At the moment, both say I’ve done 3% of my yearly goal, which isn’t bad considering we’re 3% into the year. Despite my wallowing in self pity and doing barely anything this week, I’m not behind. I’m glad I checked that.

Also, I have been attempting to read less intensively, trying to remove the pressure and all that. And honestly it’s been really disheartening, because I’m understanding a lot less. But if I try to frame it another way, it’s amazing how much can be understood even with hazy grammar.

Clubs:

  • 葬送のフリーレン - 2 chapters behind, I think I’d like to continue extensive reading until I catch up
  • 空の軌跡 - skipping to the start of ch3 so I can feel like I’m part of the club again (I’ll get the thread up in the morning)
  • 約束のネバーランド - 4 chapters behind, no motivation to keep up. I’d like to get to where S1 left off and see where it goes from there, but that’s going to take a while. Might drop it.
  • 4989 American Life - dropping it for now
  • ぼっち・ざ・ろっく - dropping it for now
  • ひとりぼっちの○○生活 - 3 weeks behind, will attempt to keep pace
  • ダンジョン飯 (anime) - still on week 1, would like to continue, maybe stop with the pausing and just watch it without worrying about understanding

New Clubs:
(because I have no self control and will join more despite being behind on others)

  • 日本語の会話のPodcast - has helpful N levels for each episode, I’ll try to focus more intensively on N4, let the more difficult be weird extensive stuff
  • ルックバック - next BBC, heard it’s great and got a movie
  • IMC - joining if スピカ wins, I like 蟲師 but I’ve watched the anime so I don’t see myself being motivated for it (and for difficulty I kinda need external motivation), I read the first couple 銀の匙 chapters (in English) and while I trust Arakawa-sensei’s manga to be awesome I suspect the Japanese will be too difficult
  • NANA - I keep hearing good things about it

Also ドラえもん was technically a book club but my copy only shared the first two chapters so it’s just in my easy read pile. Oh yeah, I split my reading into three piles so I can think of how much energy I have and then sorted by motivation. I colour coded it too but you can’t see that here. Actually, I should probably move some of them a step to the right, like I’m pretty sure the only reason マジで付き合う15分前 is in the easy pile is because I don’t care enough about the story to care about getting the grammar right. Um, I absolutely over complicated things because I was bored and didn’t want to read but felt like I should do something.

Reading piles
Easy Peasy Lemon Squeezy Needs Concentration Very Very Difficult
レンタルおにいちゃん ささよくように恋を唄う 薬屋のひとりごと (hardest)
葬送のフリーレン
生き残った6人によると
空の軌跡
スーと鯛ちゃん (easiest) ひとりぼっちの○○生活 F落第生
ドラえもん 約束のネバーランド
マジで付き合う15分前 気になってる人が男じゃなかった
ごくまのクーク物語 ドラゴンヘッド ぼっち・ざ・ろっく
ふくよも 風のたてがみ
しろくまカフェ
三ツ星カラーズ

So, I’m still a mess because I’m always a mess, but I think I’ve got an idea of how to realistically handle this at least, even if I do spend a lot more time thinking about studying than actually studying. Like, this was going to be a lot shorter when I started compiling it an hour and a half(?!) ago, but I got typing and when I type I ramble and now here we are. :upside_down_face:

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I think it’s officially Sein.

Yup. Only thing is the ‘live competition’ is a ball game (球技 = ball game), the broadcast won’t end but will launch (打ち上げ) (actually on reflection this could also be a finale party, I’m not entirely sure)。Don’t worry too much about whenever Bocchi goes motormouth, part of the joke is that she’s spewing out loads of words out of nervousness.

Good job reassessing, you got this

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I asked a musician friend - he said 打ち上げ is an after party !

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16/01/25: “I will not be annoyed at myself for not doing extra. I will not be annoyed at myself for not doing extra. I will not be annoyed at myself for not doing extra.”

Had a good start to the week. Didn’t feel great yesterday and busy today, so I’m keeping my goal for the weekend to an achievable ten minutes. And actually looking at my notepad ramblings, I wasn’t feeling great before yesterday either but hadn’t noticed yet.

Things I read this week:
スーと鯛ちゃん

ひとりぼっちの○○生活

Page 24 there was a word where I’d have to use kankan to look it up, but instead I could look at all the other words around it and the context and figure it’s some kind of disaster word. Also あやしい, instead of looking it up immediately I looked at the context and my vague memory of I’ve heard this before, and then checked my guess of “suspicious” was right.

Might be weird, but deliberately not looking up words immediately almost feels like it’s taking more effort.

空の軌跡

I’m reading 軌跡 starting from Chapter 3 (I’ll catch up on the rest of Ch1 and all of Ch2 some other point), and oh my word I forgot how much easier this is when someone else has sorted the vocab sheet for me. (THANK YOU)

Also, I’m reading this in my intensive hour so I’m allowed to figure out sentences properly.
「しつこく追ってこなければ死なずに済んだものを」
If X then Y.
X:
てこなければ←てこない←てくる
追ってくる = to come and chase
追ってこなければ = if not come and chase
しつこく => if [Agate] had not come along and stubbornly chased [us]
Y:
死なず = without dying
済んだ(←済む) = finished
then [we’d have been able to verb] the finished thing without dying.

抑えきれぬ, vocab sheet has 抑える as the base. I don’t know anything that replaces the ichidan る with き~ though. ichi.moe suggests this is 切れる in a negative form. So, not breaking control? Next word is 激情, so like “you have fury but haven’t lost control”

己 I saw in apothecary! It’s old language. Reminds me I think I heard ぬ is old ない. [name redacted] talks very old, which is an interesting bit of characterisation.

17/01/25
Had to stop 軌跡 earlier than I wanted because my brain is getting tired and headachy. Going to fill the last 20m of today’s study time with something I don’t have to think about.

18/01/25
I decided to finish up 軌跡 because I knew there wasn’t much left. I only played for like 20m but I still shouldn’t have pushed myself that much, now I have a headache on top of my stomachache.

薬屋のひとりごと

I finished the first chapter! I was taking it pretty extensively and skipping over a lot of things I don’t know, but there were some sentences I was able to read without difficulty.

I was only planning to finish the page I started last week, but felt motivated to maybe read the next, and went to check if it would be better to end on that page or if the sentence going across two pages ended early on the next and saw it was the last page of chapter 1 and felt motivated to finish it.

I then went back and spent some time on a few of the trickier sentences, and when I got fed up with that looked up a few words on the last page that looked like they might be important for next chapter. 乳幼児, 連続, 怪奇. I should already have known 連続 but it was combined with 連続死 so I didn’t notice until my dictionary separated them.

葬送のフリーレン

From what I can tell this one was basically everyone trying to convince Sein to go adventure, and it wasn’t until his brother said staying behind was the thing he regretted that Sein agreed to go. (If I can get the next chapter read today, I would be caught up…)

Things I listened to this week:
Grammar videos
ダン飯

Comprehensible Japanese

It is amusing to me that verticle lines are たて (standing up) lines, and horizontal lines are よこ (sideways) lines. 波線 is also fun, though technically I guess it’s the same in English. I’m also happy I was able to correctly guess what ぎざぎざ would be.

Misc Learning:

Grammar

Two Japanese Ammo with Misa videos, one on させられる and the other on あげる・くれる・もらう. It feels nice and explainy and apparently I’m allowed to include these as my daily listening so I’m tempted to just use this for grammar for now on. Maybe it’s not a bad idea to try it for a bit.

SRS - anki has been pretty neglected
Output - commented on a youtube video

Tuesday I spent some time reading on my phone on the sofa. Very different from reading on the computer where I can just have a dictionary open on the other screen. I’ve got takoboto for my phone dictionary, but I try not to use it much when I’m reading on my phone because bookwalker reloads the page when I flick between them. In other words, it’s a good method to make sure I’m actually reading extensively.

Clubs:
葬送のフリーレン - still behind, but I think I can catch up as soon as I get a good week where I read both chapters.
空の軌跡 - Just about managed to keep pace this week. I will fall behind again if I don’t make conscious effort to keep up.
約束のネバーランド - fell behind another week
ぼっち・ざ・ろっく - I wanted to finish the page so I can pause it on the page break instead of awkwardly in the middle, I did not do this.
ひとりぼっちの○○生活 - no further behind
ダン飯 (anime) - watched 8m, attempted to do so more extensively, still got tired quickly

Feels like everyone is voting or has just voted for new clubs at the moment.
ABBC - all the stuff in the lead is on my wishlist, starts early march
BBC - starts mid feb
IMC - starts 1st feb
NANA - starts early march?
Podcast - starts a week tomorrow
Anime - still need to vote, starts mid mar

So, those are going to very quickly add up. I’m hoping to use the Podcast club to anchor my listening. But that’s still four more bookclubs I intend to join starting within a couple months. Also, I’m so very motivated to struggle through 薬屋のひとりごと now that the anime is back and reminding me on a weekly basis why I love it.

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Thinking back, I shouldn’t have put 済む in the sheet as ‘to finish’ because the way it’s used in that sentence is a little harder to parse than usual. Bunpro page for the construction ずに済む: https://bunpro.jp/grammar\_points/ずに済む
I interpreted it in my head at the time as “(we) could have finished (the situation) without (anybody/you) dying” and that’s why the entry is the way it is :sweat_smile:

The other stuff is great! I’ve heard fantastic things about 薬屋のひとりごと and just picked up the first couple volumes on sale recently. I know nothing about the premise beyond what’s on the book jacket, but am looking forward to getting into it after finishing a couple other books in the backlog. Maybe the anime is worth watching first, though?

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The vocab sheet really is an invaluable help, thank you, and for the grammar link as well.

It’s definitely worth watching, but whether you watch before or after is up to you. From what I’ve heard, each half of the first season covers one book. I’ve heard of things being more explicitly spelled out in the books, which matches my experience with the one chapter I’ve read so far, and know of at least one change the anime added.

Also, the OPs are awesome if that factors into your decision.

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Finding a way to study effectively is hard. You’re doing great!

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As per usual it seems the start of my week feels better than the end.

Things I read this week:

ぼっち・ざ・ろっく

I’ve decided to finish the half page today so I can put this on pause properly, because otherwise I’m going to just keep thinking about it.

“That… If I’m being honest, I absolutely cannot play the guitar (explanation and new info)”
“With my band senpai as a guide, I started a lie saying I could play” (Is this implying her senpai helped her lie?) “In the end, I didn’t understand even one thing and ran away, however…”
“With the guitar it’s only struming this bit here, isn’t it?” “This wooden stick is a decoration, I think” (Noooooo that’s where the chords goooooo) “Eh?” (Bocchi realises how incomptent this girl really is)
“To begin with, to start alone as a beginner is too difficult, (explanatory, new info, confirmation) Major chord? Minor? Baseball speech?” (Noooo, :sob:) [It’s no good. This person… The level of how much she doesn’t know is wrong…]

That strip went much smoother than my previous experiences reading Bocchi, but I think part of that was knowing I’d stop once I finished it made it less stressful.

葬送のフリーレン

Feeling good and motivated, so I’m going to attempt to read this chapter a bit more throughly because I have barely I surface level understanding of Sein. (I spent much of ch27 thinking they were talking about a “sign” until I figured out that katakana was supposed to be the guy’s name…)

Ch29 title page
I like how the Sein is stood a little further away form the other three. He is both physically and emotionally not close to them yet.
As for “Ideal Adult,” I have… opinions… on such things. We’ll see where this goes.

Pages 24/25
Well, Stark is not happy. I don’t think we’ve seen Frieren be particularly strict so far. What has got Stark so emotional that he’s stormed off like that?
Realy? We established just a few chapters ago that he isn’t used to getting presents on his birthday. It only follows he wouldn’t think to get other people things on their birthdays.
I appreciate that Frieren is kind of scolding Fern for having a go at Stark, and also that Fern kicks Sein for that bullshit he spouted.
Yes teenage hormones are Not Fun, but argh this is going to get real annoying real quickly…

Page 26/27
I do hope that Fern and Stark can talk like people and just be people, but I’m worried.

Page 28/29
Fern was following Sein instead? Did I misunderstand who she was supposed to follow? I thought she was being told she should go talk to Stark?
What? “That’s cute” “Do you hate it?” Uh, if she hated it she wouldn’t say it was cute?
I’m trying to not rant about the stuff they’re saying about gender because I have very complicated feelings.
Okay, Fern’s anger does make more sense thinking how she got Stark something and he didn’t get her anything back, but also like 1. just want to confirm whether or not he knew it was her birthday and 2. somebody explain the social norms to him before getting angry please

Pages 30/31
I also don’t understand what Sein is saying. Not because I don’t understand the words or grammar (I think), but I don’t get what he’s getting at?
I forget how old Fern is supposed to be. Stark turned 17 when we saw his birthday, right? I guess Sein is telling her that since she’s an adult and Stark’s a kid, she should be more mature about things?

Pages 32/33
I think I might have misunderstood earlier. Was Fern upset not because Stark didn’t get her anything, but because Stark invited her to go look for her birthday present together? Because if so, I’m a lot more mad at Fern now and 0% mad at Stark. Buying stuff for people is hard. There’s a reason for my sister I’d say “I’ll take you to [city] and you can choose what you want.” It’s easier than trying to psychically guess what she wants and it’s more personal than just giving money and telling her to buy herself a present.

Pages 34/35
Does Frieren do this often?
I think Sein is trying to tell Frieren that Fern came to talk to him instead of her because it’s been longer since Frieren was turning into an adult, and then Frieren is saying nope it’s because he reminds her of Heiter because they’re both priests. (Frieren seems to take joy in saying Heiter was not a great person XD)

Pages 36/37
The “ideal” adult mentioned in the title is Heiter? Clearly lying often means he had a lot of practice to convince people of that.
I think 大人の振り here is “to act like an adult.” Heiter is saying he still has the same heart as thwn he was a kid, but he wants to be an ideal adult so he acts like one and will continue acting until he dies, but also, it is an act.
I appreciate how he wants to be a good father figure to Fern. I guess it’s one of those things where even though he says he is acting, the fact that he bothers to act for her sake says a lot.

Pages 38/39
Frieren is going to praise the world? So the adults don’t have to put up with not being praised until they die and meet the goddess? Sappy, adorable, love it.
One head pat at a time XD
Gah, it is going to be a long time until Frieren dies. My heart is having emotions again, how dare.

Page 40
Pat pat :grin:
I like her little smug face at the end.

Reading through the thread (now that I’ve figured out how to do that without getting spoiled) really does help to clear some things up.

ひとりぼっちの○○生活

空の軌跡

I cannot believe I forgot to go buy the new weapons and armour on my club planning save. That fight was SO much easier being properly equiped.

I’m going to read kiseki today. I had this whole plan where I read it Tue/Thur and then Sat if I still need to, but that’s already fallen apart because I was not at all up for this yesterday. I’m not entirely sure I’m up for it today, but I can read relatively lightly and it should be fine.

Got through some but my head is headaching and it’s really annoying. It’s going to be a push if I want to read the rest tomorrow. I guess there’s also technically Sunday, but it annoys me to read it on the same day I set up the thread.

I’m going to attempt to get through this week’s 空の軌跡, very slowly with lots of breaks, probably best if I just gloss over everything I’m unsure on or I’ll get very tired very quickly. I mean, that’s gonna happen anyway. I’m not sure I’m making any sense.

Woo! I made it! I’m not doing anything else today though fuck that.

レンタルおにいちゃん

AH EMOTIONS! I love this series. I feel really bad for Kanami as she keeps trying to get through to her brother, though it makes perfect sense since Makoto accidentally gave her the hope that it was possible. Well, he said it on purpose, but accidentally causing these consequences.

I really appreciate that the lie didn’t go on for too long. I am happy that they are awkwardly trying to do what they think are the best things and explaining to each other their points of view.

He’s going to rent her as his littler sister! AH so cute, I think, if I’m understanding correctly.

ドラえもん

Things I listened to this week:
Grammar vids
Anime with EngSubs (couple moments of “that sub doesn’t match what I heard” so it counts)
Random grammar sentences

花は咲く、修羅の如く

I’ve been watching 花は咲く、修羅の如く (with English subtitles). Though, today’s episode had such a focus on pitch accent, that the subtitles don’t handle well. And, they speak so clearly while reading that I can hear the words being said. I think I would understand plenty without subtitles. So, I intend to give it a try. I’ve already watched the first 3, so I can try those and if I think I’m understanding enough, maybe try the rest of the episodes without subtitles?

I dunno, I’m not sure I want to turn anime I watch in my free time into stuff I should study, but the bit I just paused to type this, they were talking so very very clearly, it sounded so listenable. And, I’m trying to listen, because they’re putting so much effort into how they’re speaking, it just makes sense that this would be something to watch without subtitles.

Thinking more logically, I reckon there will be parts, like when they are reading, that I can understand. But the moment anyone gets rambly, or muttery, or stuttery, or whatever accent the teacher has, I will be lost. But, I’m feeling motivation. So, I can at least try.

I tried episode one of 花は咲く、修羅の如く, without subtitles. While there was a fair bit that I could understand, there was also enough that I couldn’t that I’d rather watch with subtitles so I can actually enjoy the anime. But I’m thinking it won’t hurt to watch each episode a second time without subtitles, if I can get the energy to do that each week, on top of all the other reading and listening I’m supposed to be doing.

Misc:

JAwM
  • てあげる・てくれる・てもらう
  • intransitive and transitive
  • てみる・ようとする

I’ve been having a fair bit of success putting these on while cleaning, which seems to be the best way to get cleaning done and has the bonus of being Japanese productive so hooray.

That last one covered new stuff, I don’t think I’ve come across ようとする before. So it was interesting to see how much I could concentrate on that.

Bunpro

Skimmed through bunpro N4 grammar until I got to one I’m unsure on (ていく, want to go over the nuance). I listened to the sentences in the lessons, though not all the example sentences, because I wanted to count them for today’s listening. Not actually reading the ていく entry today, but now I know which one I’m starting with.

I also want to have a look at the N4 vocab deck, because I expect that won’t line up with the vocabulary I’ve been learning through manga and I’ll want to get that sorted before exam time.

SRS - kept on top of anki everyday and even made a token effort towards the others.

I think I am ill?

I feel like I’ve been saying that a lot, that individual days have been bad, but now I’m not sure if I’m even recovering from the illness. Like yesterday I woke up and was like, I feel fine. Not super motivated for anything, but fine. Until my dog stepped into the kitchen and I felt INSTANT RAGE at the noise of her claws on the tiles daring to exist, and trying to look out the window hurt because it was so light outside, and I tried a meditation to see if that would help me stop being angry at the puppy for existing and came to the realisation I might have a headache. I dunno, it wasn’t hurting if I didn’t try to think about it.

But, also, that amount of rage at that little of noise is not a good sign. It got to the point where you know when you type on your phone and when you touch the letters they vibrate so you know you’re typing correctly? That noise was annoying me. Even now I’m struggling to figure out what my head is up to. Does it hurt? Kinda, if I focus on it. Am I just imagining it because I’m overthinking again? I dunno. How am I meant to know?

I know I was very ill on Thursday. I don’t know if anyone else has this, but like there’s a certain level of ill where I go from “I feel like shit” to “I could do figuratively anything today and everything will be okay.” It’s a fuzzy feeling that very specifically reminds me of being sat on a beanbag with my brand new computer on my sister’s drawers playing Trails in the Sky the 3rd between Christmas and New Years back in 2017.

I then felt well again on Friday, but no more fuzzy comfort. And I was thinking that the fuzzy-ness in my head maybe stops the anxious thoughts from being everywhere, and maybe that’s why I felt great despite being and knowing I was ill. I was having some not-safe thoughts about the fuzziness. It got to the point I was considering drinking cough medicine despite not needing it to see if I could get the fuzziness to come back without the illness. I did not do this. I am aware this would be a bad idea. But, honestly, the temptation is still there.

Then again, I got headachey very quickly on Friday so I probably wasn’t as better as I thought I was. So, was I ill on Wednesday? I was busy on Wednesday. I don’t remember feeling particularly ill. But also, I did have that strange I CAN DO ANYTHING, IT’S FINE feeling in the evening, looking at my anime rambling. Last time I remember that feeling was when this coworker I’d met maybe once before was offering to move in together, and I was so caffeinated and so so tired from the “surprise! we need you on the close!” that I was seriously considering his offer. At least I had the good sense to tell him I’ve got to check with my social worker first. I realised the red flags myself after I woke up the next morning thankfully. Ugh, I do not like how easily I can think terrible ideas sound like great ideas. I’m not actually sure whether these two things were at all comparable. I’m just rambling at this point.

My point is: I think I am ill. I am not 100% sure. But, I think I am. And, I have no clue how long I’m going to be ill for. Because it keeps stopping and starting. And that’s really annoying. Because I’d really rather not be ill. And I’m struggling to figure out if I’m actually ill ill, or just a little ill and need to stop being a baby and get on with stuff.

Clubs:
フリーレン - just need one good week to catch up
軌跡 - going to attempt to read Tue/Thu/Sat so I’m not rushing on Saturdays
ネバーランド - fell behind another week, honestly there’s no motivation here, I’ll pick it up again some other time
○○生活 - read a chapter, noticed the club went to 2 chapters per week from the next one? I’m sticking to 1.
ダン飯 (anime) - nothing
Podcast - starts tomorrow, I have an intention to stick with it.
ふたつのスピカ - starts next week, looking forward to it

It’s weird to think next week is the last week of January. I did not set any goals for January, and therefore I have not failed any. Well, I haven’t really been keeping up with the whole listen every day thing, even when I try to be super vague with it. I don’t really want to set any specific goals for February, just to keep on keeping at it. Whether I’m keeping up with clubs or not.

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目当て = ‘as a goal’, not as a guide (though it can also mean signpost so I see why you might have thought this). So (being very literal) more like “Aiming to be like my band senpai, I entered into a lie that I could play [guitar]”.

The ‘baseball speech’ non-sequitur is a bit of a lost in translation bit; major/minor are 和製英語 (foreign introduced words) and the place Kita is most likely to have heard them outside the context of music is with baseball leagues.

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Things I read this week:
ひとりぼっちの○○生活

生き残った6人によると

Decided to read some 生き残った6人によると. I do love how this can make me laugh. 閉 indeed. And then immeditately on the next page, the horror that these zombies apparently have enough brains to pick things up? Yikes! Good thing れんれん is working on his risk assessment on the whiteboard, that’ll help :roll_eyes: Oh no! They’ve figured out the stairs. I love 莉々, she awesome. Argh these guys are hopeless sometimes. I’m quite enjoying the running joke that we never see how 神 turns them into blood stains. Just, one panel: zombie, another panel: ex-zombie. A motorbike?! The zombie can control the MOTORBIKE?! Please tell me that’s the guy who left earlier just pretending to be a zombie. Please tell me the zombies cannot control vehicles. Ooh that was not an ally move. Allies don’t run each other over. That is a very competent zombie… Okay… So, the guy on the bike was the same guy who stole one earlier, but, I do think he has been zombified. (It’s not technically a motorbike but I can’t think of the right word for the vehicle.)

Welp, that volume ended.

空の軌跡

Gonna get through some kiseki tonight. Though, really tired, so just a token effort is fine. Taling to scientisty guy, it’s like, good thing there’s the vocab sheet. Felt like I was just reading the list of words for quite a bit of that :sweat_smile:

Always a bad sign when I open the game and immediately get a headache at the first text box :sweat:. Think that’s a sign to take today’s reading slowly with lots of breaks.

I was expecting the vibrating text to be difficult to read, but it actually was just fine. Probably more difficult with blurry text though.

Got the plot stuff done and grabbed my side quests. It’ll take a while to run around doing them, and some are quite wordy, but I can always leave the non-urgent ones for later.

So, anyway, this morning I intend to play kiseki. I’ve opened the game. I’m just, not loading into my save file yet. I think I’m gonna just do the quests that need doing before the plot continues, and I can do the others later.

start shoe quest
smoking
find lost people
wolf fort - helps shoes
hidden quest
back to factory
elmo - helps shoes

So, y’know, I did the minimum. But still. I did it.

葬送のフリーレン

So, the title page looks like a flashback chapter, but, with the title, I think the mirror lotus is going to reflect the past or something poetic like that.

42/43
They catching a ride on this wagon, and the rider has helped them because he wants them to help him with his merchant problem. Frieren doesn’t care, but knows Fern would.
Fern has a bracelet, and Frieren thinks she has a matching ring that Himmel gave her she received from Himmel. (Changed my wording to match もらう to help myself get it right.)
ぽい is the sound effect for carelessly tossing stuff, and knowing that adds to her suitcase of random stuff she has.

44/45
Oh I really misunderstood the last panel of last page. I thought it was like, “all this mess for that little ring” vibes. Poor horsy.
Ah, Frieren’s point to Stark is that if such a magic existed, people would be using it by now? Fair.
Further explanation that the theory exists, but in practice a large thing can only fly for a short amount of time.
Frieren wouldn’t ask Stark to jump to his death. Probably, the short time will be enough for him to get to where she needs him to be?

46/47
I had too much faith in her.
It is (grim but) interesting to hear what splattered corpses are compared to in Japanese.
The birdy is gonna drop them? Yeah, that poor horsy.
Uh, I feel like that was a rash decision but uh, they probably don’t all die here considering there’s a lot of volumes left.

48/49
I am very glad that the horse somehow got through this with only a small injury.
Oh she’s lost her ring, hasn’t she? That sucks.

50/51
Oh I barely understood all the birthday drama last chapter.
Seriously? Stark is clearly unware of gifting culture, and I do not blame him for not knowing flower language stuff. Is that more common knowledge in Japan? Stop reading into stuff that isn’t they (I say, while reading far too deeply into things that may or may not be there)

52/53
Seriously Fern, you don’t need to call him stupid for not knowing this stuff.
Fern is firmly back into “she annoys me” territory. Mostly because I’m just finding Stark relatable here and how dare she.

54/55
At least Fern is showing empathy upon hearing that the ring is lost. I guess, she’s thinking if Frieren’s had the same eternal love flower as Fern’s bracelet, it must be important to her.
I expected Frieren wouldn’t have known the meaning of the flower. Himmel might have, he strikes me as the kind of guy who would. It almost feels mean that Fern is telling her, as it could make Frieren more upset when they don’t find it.
Well, Frieren knew Himmel for longer than I have so I’ll take her word on it that he also wouldn’t have known about the specific flower language stuff.
I don’t really like how Fern is just deciding that this is a big deal because she has big feelings about the specific flower on the ring. Frieren can care about this as much or as little as she likes. She clearly did care enough to spend every night searching, but if she wants to call the search off that’s her choice.

56/57
Well, this guy having this spell does make the search a lot easier. I’d have been annoyed if Fern delayed them longer than Frieren wanted to over this.
Frieren picked out the gift herself? Now I feel even more that maybe Himmel knew the meaning of it, and also knew that Frieren probably didn’t know.
(Also, Fern’s clearly made the assumption that Himmel went out of his way to choose this for Frieren, and that combined with the flower message makes it more important than any other ring. But, even though this does have importance to Frieren, I don’t think Fern gets to decide how much based on her own assumptions. Am I even explaining myself properly? I feel like I’m just being negative).

58
Like, I’m happy she got the ring back and all. Happy that is was easy to do so thanks to the new spell. And yes, Frieren wouldn’t have mentioned anything if it weren’t for Fern and would have left it behind. But, that doesn’t mean Fern was right here.
Also, saying she got the bracelet because Stark’s an idiot? There is no need for that.

Yeah, everyone else in the Frieren thread is finding all this stuff super cute, and there are parts that are, but I’m also just feeling kinda negative about it so probably shouldn’t post my thoughts over there? I dunno I don’t talk in the book club threads enough. But, I don’t really have much nice to say here either, I’m annoyed.

約束のネバーランド

Things I listened to this week:

日本語の会話のpodcast

ep1, N4/N3
Okay, I’m honestly a little scared with how badly I dropped the last one. But, N4/N3 is about the level I should be aiming for. So, attempt at intensive listening is a go.

(00:00) anxiety makes focus difficult. They both said their names. I already forgot what they are. They said podcasts about anime and stuff are difficult, so this podcast is for 2 or 3 little topics. The first episode is about lunch.
(00:50) Subtitles introducing the 3 little lunch related topics they will talk about today.
(01:15) Hibi(?) eats bentou for lunch at a company. Because of covid(?), she does not talk to people while eating. Other lady is talking about things to talk about while eating lunch. But it is quiet so Hibi cannot talk to anyone. Twenty minutes for lunchtime, but still working while eating. (ながら). Not-Hibi said something about a fridge at uni. They like Natto. She often eats alone, sometimes she gets fast food, which she eats and then goes home. Or sometimes get onigiri or coffee or bread that she eats in the car. It’s a waste (to do what?) because work will be finished soon and there are things she wants to do.
(06:35) They could eat slower in high school (because not having to do work at the same time). Hibi would talk to her friends, or some other things. Not-Hibi had her mother make bentou for her. She ate inside the classroom. In anime and manga, characters eat on the roof, but she ate in the classroom everyday. If she didn’t have a bentou, she would buy bread at the school’s shop. Generally, people without bentou would buy bread or stuff at the nearby konbini. Hibi talking about the stomach. Something is amazing, chocolate was mentioned. I think it’s some weight talk around sweets and stuff. They spend the remainder time of lunch (as in after eating) hanging out and talking to people in the classroom.
(11:25) Last theme about favourite bentou. Asking if Hibi remembers what she would have. They are talking about things that would be inside a bentou, like tamagoyaki and broccoli and leftover meat from last night’s dinner. Nori is seaweed. Something about having meat in bentou in summer was I think causing a problem? Not-Hibi would have an argument if there was not tamagoyaki in her bentou. Hibi likes tempura and fish and stuff. Struggling with food words. Something about needing balance in the bentou, not just (specific thing)
(16:00) This is the end of the podcast. Their voices changed I no longer know who is who.

I decided to not do the whole pausing and rewinding thing after the first little bits, was typing the most of above while listening. So, some bits were missed as I summarised what they just said, and I didn’t go back to relisten to things I didn’t understand. Just, trying to keep with it.

Okay. This was difficult. Since the episodes have N-ratings, I am going to make full use of that. Anything rated more difficult than today’s (N4/N3) I am going to just listen extensively, without the note taking. Anything this level or less, I will take notes.

(Also, yes I did look back at the home post and see the names are やまむ and きび. I will attempt memory.)

This one is rated N3/N2, so I’m just listening without worrying about notes. The topics are how much does a wedding cost, who in the wife/husband handles the money, and then a quiz.

First topic, I was struggling to focus and kept zoning out. Looking at the comments in the thread, all I caught was them talking about beer at one point, and asking how much money the family contributed to the wedding

Second topic, I only caught a couple things in the list of expenses, like 家賃 (which I recently learnt) and 食費. They want to give things as presents, not money. Zoned out in the middle again. お互い and 銀行 both being mentioned, I think is refering to a joint bank account. Something about whether or not people have kids at the end. And yes I lied because I’m taking notes, but I will zone out more if I don’t.

Third topic, やまむ is asking the questions for きび to answer. First a percent of which is more, but not sure which what there is more of. Second is asking whether wife or husband is more commonly handling the money, きび guesses wives handle it 80% of the time, but it was actually 63% (and husbands 37% so there was no option for them both handling it). Third question is about hiding money, asking how much gets hidden, the answer was 百万円. There are other %s being mentioned between questions but I’m not really catching what it’s about.

Grammar videos
ダンジョン飯

Misc:

JAwMSummary

This particular video was good because while I had a decent grasp of the basics (as in, the い-adjective non-past non-negative), I didn’t know all the other variations. Nice for confirmation of how we don’t confuse 可愛そう with 可哀想, the former is just not used.

Bunpro - lesson 1 grammar points (n4)

Club Progress:
フリーレン - keeping pace
軌跡 - just barely keeping up
ネバーランド - actually read it this week
○○生活 - technically falling behind but read a chapter
ダン飯 (anime) - finished week 1, really should’ve have voted for this with how I’m struggling to get around to watching it.
Podcast - successfully up to date
ふたつのスピカ - it started! I’ve yet to read it

Life
I had a relatively busy week this week (only one day where I didn’t have to talk to anybody). I’ve been sleeping more than I should. I have yet again made the error of turning leisure activities into chores. I put (engsub) anime on my todo list so I could tick off an easy task and now my brain is refusing to watch stuff. Because it hates me. House is getting into a bit of a state.

Good news tomorrow is Monday. And for some reason I’m a whole lot more motivated to do things at the start of the week than towards the end. So, I could mop the floor. But also the carpet needs vacuuming. And I should buy food before I lose motivation. Assuming I get any in the first place.

side mini rant:

I’ve seen stuff referring to studying Japanese that like you need to make it a habit and not just rely on motivation, and the habit will keep you at it. My brain don’t work like that. The only successful habit I’ve managed to maintain is brushing my teeth. You got any clue how often I don’t eat because I don’t have motivation to even put bread in the toaster? I ran out of butter. On Friday. I need to go to the shop. It’s less than five minutes away. I’ve been trying to get the motivation to go. But I’ve got like 3 more dinners I can make out of the stuff I’ve got in the freezer, so I don’t have to go yet. But I need to eat more than dinner. I’ve vaguely got some motivation now, maybe because I’ve been typing about food and it’s making me notice I’m hungry. But if I go now, only the little shop is open. I need to go to the coop and buy ingredients for actual meals. And if I go outside now, I should do my other outside tasks that need doing, like walking the dog and finding my recycling bin. And I don’t have the energy or motivation to do that. so then I don’t go outside. so I don’t go to the shop, my dog remains unwalked, and I’m not looking forward to having the empty whatever crap people have chucked in my bin. ugh I wish I could take my dog into the shop and then I could do both at once and life would be easier. and i know shops exist online, but i feel like shit ordering delivery when it’s on my street. it should not be this hard to just walk over there. what is wrong with me?

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Can’t you tie your dog’s lead to a pole outside the shop? That’s what people do here.

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She’s a greyhound and wears a muzzle and would attempt to eat any passing cats or smaller dogs so that would not end well.

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I’m actually considering updating this thing on Mondays instead because I feel very more competent today than last night. The dog has been walked! Food bought! Manga is readable! I watched a whole ダン飯 episode without my brain melting! Gonna run through some more grammar and then have a look at スピカ.

I don’t know why I’m magically a lot more positive on Mondays (maybe because it’s the start of the week so I feel motivated to make this week a good one, and that motivation fades as the days go by). But, I feel like I’d much rather update on Mondays and have happy updates than on Sundays when I’m wallowing in self-pity.

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Well done! Sometimes everything is a struggle, so I’m very glad to hear that you have made progress.

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As usual life is being life. Stuff happened / is happening, I’m playing Sims 2 to distract myself. The good news is I fixed the issue where it was crashing constantly. The bad news is my method of “study something every time the game crashes” does not work when the game does not crash :sweat_smile: so uh Saturday did not go as I thought it would. Still I have objectively speaking made decent progress both in and outside of studying, even if it hasn’t been everyday.

Things I read last week:

葬送のフリーレン

So, the idea of reading on my computer and making notes was not appealing. So I had a lie down and read the chapter on my phone. There’s a fair bit I don’t get, like the 5 seconds thing, but I’ve still to read the thread and I’m sure that will explain better.

Narrator: the thread did not explain better.

ふたつのスピカ

Just going to have a look and see how far through I get. Will update page numbers when I find one. Gonna attempt to translate.

3
While my consciousness was fading, I saw something, I think it was a small star.
(Pretty sure you’re supposed to be wearing your helmet, though, it looks cracked. Something here did not go well. Hence the unconsciousness.)

4/5
Chapter page. The right girl in on the cover, dunno the left girl, trying to figure out if the spiky thing is a lion or a hedgehog.

6
“Year 1961, the USSR has the world’s first manned spaceflight.” “Year 1969, the Apollo II, humanities first moon landing.”
“With regards to space history, the [three calamities] are: Apollo I’s fire incient,” “Also, Japan’s-” So, what I’ve got so far is this girl is studying for a history lesson.
“It’s admirable that you’re studying on your way home from the exam.” “KYA!!” I’m going with lion until anyone says otherwise.
“Wait! Idiot Lion! ARGH!” (yes! lion confirmation yay!) “darts” (as in, darting away?) “What a racket that kid is making alone.” “Yeah” (the 何を has thrown me a little. The main thing is that Lion-san is imaginary. Probably.)

7
“How was it, Chibi-chan? Space school’s first exam?” (Her name is Chibi? That’s adorable. Nvm Lion-san is just calling her short.) “It was difficult but, I only crammed space history.”
“Lion-san’s expected problem is one small thing that also didn’t exit, but” (exit isn’t right, more like the small problem didn’t happen kinda meaning)
“Lion-san, a long time ago you were an astronaut, right?” “I knew it, the test went terribly?” (I’m really struggling to tell who is talking, especially that line where it looks like it switched between them in the same bubble)
“There weren’t things like [terrible] questions” “Because, in those days, it seems Japan’s astronauts were early in their training.”
“Of course, something like Space School didn’t exist.” “In (whose?) my teens, you wouldn’t even think about something like aiming for space.” “People’s livelihoods don’t change, but” “Only space is probably the thing that becomes familiar.”

Calling it here for today. Will need to remember to read more of this before the week ends. Uh, while updating Natively I noticed the blurb. Maybe Lion-san is only partially imaginary.

Overthinking: I read 3 text pages. If I read 3 pages a day, that’s 21 a week and I don’t keep up. I need to read 4/5 a day to keep up with 30 page chapters. Today I read 5 because 2 of the pages didn’t have text on. I am also going to lag in energy as the week goes on, may need to deliberately read more tonight and tomorrow to make up for that…

Little headachey, so not sure I’ll read 5 pages (should’ve been an even numbered goal for reading two at a time), but I’m going to at least read this two. (Maybe read a group of 2 every time my game crashes, I’ll finish the chapter before midnight :grin:)

p8
“Mostly, if not even that accident, more early” There’s another version of もっとも with kanji as 尤も which I think fits better. “But then, if not for that accident, sooner” (as in, Japan would have advanced space stuff sooner and therefor be further ahead now.)
“Year 2010, Asumi was 1 year old,” “This year, In Japan, Japan’s first 100% domestically produced space exploration rocket the [Lion] was launched.” (Hence Asumi’s liony friend.)

p9
“However, 72 seconds after the launch, the liquid fuel booster exploded in flames.” “The mission control centre with also the rocket’s self-destruct equipment could say push the [Flight suspension system]'s switch without it operating” “The Lion crashed towards an urban area and caused many casualties, this disaster came to happen.”
Paraphrasing, the thingy caught on fire, mission controls “stop” button wasn’t working, people died. (The となった part I think adds nuance that it became to be a thing that happened unintentionally)
“Anyway, are you okay? Shorty?”
“You still haven’t spoken to them? Telling your dad you’ve taken the exam for Tokyo’s Space School.”
“Um…”

p10
“I’m home now”
“Ah, welcome home dad.”
“Tch, that old man.” “Pushing me around until this kind of hour.”
“Dinner’s ready (nuance: I am informing you because you did not know this.)” “What is it, curry? Today’s the third in a row” (Okay, but have you considered. Curry.)
“I can complain in my/this financial situation” (that doesn’t grammar right) “(noise of pain)”
“Are you okay, dad?” “Ow-ow-ow” “Suddenly, (pain) came to my lower back.”
Also, it’s a lot easier to tell who’s talking now. I guess since Lion-san is in Asumi’s head, technically it’s all just her words, she just pretends some of them come from Lion-san.

p11
“It would be nice to have an electric massager (I can’t figure out what のに is doing here, doesn’t seem to fit an ‘although’ meaning, so I’m ignoring it)” “Stupid talk, where is the money for that.”
“That might be true, but” “That’s just right. Your weight, that is.”
“Asumi’s weight is just right for dad.”
“Wait, are you serious? 鴨川さん?” (I struggle with how I should write names when notemaking, do I put it in Romaji? Do I leave it in kanji? why do I have to make choices?)

p12
“Fiscal year 2024, Tokyo Space School enrolment selection guide.”
“That’s, It’s not that I don’t understand your ‘I want to be an astronaut’ feelings, but”
“I think there will be various difficulties for a girl. Just, you’re even the smallest in the school year, The national (smth complicated) fees are formidable, and The biggest one, from the countryside, how will you commute to Tokyo?”
“There’s a dormitory for candidates. That’s why…”
“鴨川さん, If I’m not mistaken, when you were young you’re mother passed away. Now it’s just you and your dad, right?” (he can make his own friends, don’t hold yourself back for his hypothetical sake)

p13
“鴨川さん, even if you can go to this school, then then your dad will become all on his own.” (NO! Bad teacher. don’t make that her problem. Anyway, language, the と nuance is ‘if this happens then that follows naturally’, the となる is that Asumi can’t just decide to go to this school as it’s out of her control.)
“Did your dad not oppose this or anything?” “Huh, my dad,”
“Especially, nothing” (like, he didn’t really say anything in particular.)

p14
“Good morning”
“Dad isn’t here?”
“Ah, he had an early shift”
“Argh, he’s so messy.”
(I need deep breaths of being slightly triggered by this parentification)

p15
“I knew it. If I weren’t here it’d be no good. This…” (It’s LIES Asumi-chan! He’ll figure something out. I have had your thoughts before, so I know they feel true but they are NOT.)
“My dream: Year 1 Group 1, Kamogawa Asumi.”

(Here is where I actually took a break until the game crashed again, because I am invested and want to read more but also this is tiring.)

p16
“I want to be a rocket driver.” “I want to do this, and then bring everyone to lots of different stars (implied favour to the everyonein question)”
“Mo-ron. With rockets they’re not called Drivers. It’s Pilot.”
“Also, daddy and Lion-san get a special free ticket.” (I like how she didn’t let the other kid’s comment get to her.)
“Thank you for always, daddy!”
“Here, for you!” “Hmm, what’s this?”

p17
“Your father’s dad present!” (D’aw he’s genuinely happy)
“My dad is a bit of a lazybones, but he’s been quite handsome and popular since long ago.” “Of course, this is my (or maybe his?) self-assessment so it’s not at all something that can be relied upon” (went for the 3rd definition ichi.moe gave me for アテ, then noticed the vocab sheet has the アテにはならない phrase as a whole so I’m glad I got that right.)
“When I was smaller, he always wore a business suit. (Because) He was a rocket engineer.”

p18
“But now, he’s untidy and a little insensitive, and he’s always has a tired face and is somewhat unreliable.” (would I be being insensitive if I suggested he see a therapist? He doesn’t sound like he’s doing okay. He should see a professional instead of Asumi being expected to pick up the slack.)
“Shorty, look. First star.”
“That sort of start looks small, but in reality, its tens of times bigger than the sun.”

p19
“Unintentionally, as every day passes, we completely don’t notice its size.” “With our eyes, we can’t make sure, that about of power we don’t understand.”
“That is, people are also together.” (I think the together here is people are the same as the sun, we can’t see what they’re going through, that kind of meaning.)

Actually this is a good stopping point. And I’m about 2/3rds through so I don’t need to worry about pace too much. (I may or may not have been worried on seeing how long the chapter is after struggling with Bocchi.)

  • Insert thoughts on how dad probably isn’t a bad parent here, seems to be having some mental health problems, but that doesn’t make things her responsibility, the situation is just all a bit shit, make this eloquenter.
    So, uh, turned to the next spread and the first thing I’m noticing in the panel on the bottom left for page 21. All that disclaimed I wrote last time I read this saying the dad isn’t a bad parent? Revoked. Now I understand why he was reminding me of my own dad.

page 20
“I’m home.”
“Ah, you’re early today, I’ll start prepping dinner now” (the dad has found her application)
“What’s the meaning of this” (yeah I don’t like how calm he is)
“Stop it already, don’t read letters addressed to me.” “I asked you: what’s the meaning of this.” (yep, do not like do not like.)
“It’s not particularly anything.”

page 21
“Besides, this conversation is enough, let’s go to dinner.” “What’s ‘enough’!?”
“T-that hurts, dad, let me go.” “Speak clearly, Asumi! What is ‘enough’?”
“That’s why, not particulalry, I only took it for a memento” (the exam? that sounds like a lie)
“I just tried it out once. The exam cost, I spent my own pocket money”
(And he decides to be a rational person who calms down and has a conversation with his daughter :roll_eyes: I wish.)

page 22
“I’m not asking that!!”
(And it’s over. I’mma take a little break to calm down.)

page 23
(The way this page is spread out, it looks more like Lion noticed her and was doing his own thing before that. Also, she’s reading a guide for a public high school entrance exam? Please don’t give up just because your dad’s an arsehole, Asumi.)
“Shorty… Have you given up on Space School?”
“Lion-san, I… What should I do? I really don’t understand.”
“My dad, ever since that day he won’t talk to me” (it sucks, but if he’s this kind of person it was going to happen sooner or later.)

page 24
“Hey, Shorty. Your dad, isn’t it that he got mad at the thing of you doing what you want and taking that exam?” (awkward English)
“Was not saying anything but, not” (not following this sentence)
“About dad being able to forgive”
“Did not honestly speak about your own dream. Shorty’s condition, wasn’t it?”
(So, not 100% sure I’m reading this right, but it sounds like Lion is telling Asumi it’s her own fault she got slapped because she wasn’t being honest. Really not happy with Lion here.)

page 25
just enjoying the art

pages 26/27
I don’t need to translate these line by line. I think I’ll switch just only doing that for lines I’m struggling with. I have conflicting feelings about the pages themselves.

pages 28/29
I’m a tad confused. I can only assume this series doesn’t consider slapping your kid across their face to be as bad as I do, with how the dad has done a complete 180 here.
Oh I see what this is. “I wouldn’t mind selling all of our belongings and even the land we live on.” Bullshit. This is a manipulation tactic to make Asumi feel bad at what she wants, tell her dad he doesn’t need to sell everything, tell her dad she doesn’t need the money he just gave her, and make her feel like she’s such a horrible person for wanting what she wants that she needs to retract that too. Call his bluff and take the money and LEAVE.

pages 30/31
Him holding onto the ticket is probably supposed to be sweet, but this doesn’t feel sweet to me. If your daughter’s dream is your most important treasure, why’d you slap her for it? I just can’t get over that.
Think the last bubble is saying she passed the exam and is receiving moving house to the Space School dorms.

pages 32/33
Ah, this page is explaining the last one, a little bit anyways. The main point is she’s on her way to the Space School and the little kid who corrected her earlier is also her (but as a bigger kid version).
This kid was suposed to take over the family business, but he does not like the idea of running a firework shop at all.
And they’re HERE!

And I Read It ALL! Time to attempt to conquer anxiety and put some of my thoughts into the thread, I think. goes and does that I’m glad everyone else isn’t happy about the slap I did not want that to be bothering just me.

空の軌跡
スーと鯛ちゃん
ひとりぼっちの○○生活

Things I listened to last week:
ダン飯
Grammar sentences

日本語の会話のpodcast

podcast ep3
Not used to things that aren’t youtube, so trying to not be thrown by that.
Intro seems to start the same as it has been so far.
The overall topic is 車生活, and the smaller ones I barely heard but its in the text.
Topic 1: Japanese cars are popular. One of them has a pink car but mentioned black or white are more popular. Luggage, I think they’re talking about car size and what you can’t fit in a small one. Troubles with a car: I think she said her car is light (as in weight) so it’s easy to slip away (like on ice or something?) Something about electric cars. Other one has a small car but it is heavy? They’re talking about typical weights of cars. The first girl again, because she has a pink car people know that it is owned by a woman. Talking about the roads, they are narrow in Japan.
Topic 2: One of them got her car 2nd/3rd year of uni during summer holidays. Just realised 自動車学校 will be a school for learning to drive, not talking about cars in normal schools. Prices, one of them had to practice every day. One strict woman teacher, but she was a good teacher. There was a part of the lesson where people said they understood but actually didn’t even know what was being talked about. I’m unsure on the nuances of 結構 but that’s how difficult it was. I think they’re talking about the marks they got in the test, one mentioned she missed her side mirror? Lots of university students there for just a short time, but she was there for a long time and met a lot of friends. Lots of people don’t own a car. People who have a liscence but don’t own a car are called a “Paper Driver.”
Topic 3: Cars are expensive, there’s quite a bit you need to pay for. I’m not expecting to know all the car pieces they’re naming as costing money. Having a car in Tokyo is more expensive. 500円 for something the other pays 300円 for. I think they are refering to how much it costs to park in a car park all day. Gasoline, so now they’re talking about keeping the thing fueled. What is the けいおん they keep mentioning? Music? So the car radio? Or the car horn or alarm could also be it. (I doubt they are talking about the anime) Anyway, they’re talking about another enxpensive this. けいおん is convenient, but scary, so maybe the alarm version. It cost somebody 十万円, which is like 500quid at today’s exchange rates. Basically cars are expensive.
Episode end, and the summary is: expensive. Also said something about what life is like without a car, I think one said you’d need a bike. So, that’s another reason to not live in Japan.

podcast notes:
Figured out how to make it bigger so I can use timestamps.
(00:00) intro as usual
(00:45) introducing todays overall and smaller topics, which aren’t in the text so I’m listening for them. There are two today, unlike the three in previous episodes. 1 = the meaning of baths, 2 = things you do inside the bath.
やまむ’s voice is more difficult than きび’s, not sure if that’s just this episode.
(01:12) A quiz again? やまむ used the internet to make it. I think about how long the bath lasts for, which is counted in minutes. きび guessed four minutes and then she guessed ten, and said personally that hers are 3 minutes. This seems awfully short for a bath, so I missed something. They are commenting that it’s a waste of water so maybe I did hear right? So, she knows Japanese people tend to like baths so that’s why her guess is 10 minutes. If I’ve gone to the effort of filling a bath with water, I’m in there for at least an hour.
(02:53) The actual answer was for men, 28 minutes. Which is oddly specific so I’m assuming that’s an average. For women, 35 minutes. Apparently, I’m an outlier and should not be sounted. やまむ says she’s in for 20 minutes, and she thought that was long.
(All of a sudden the kiseki onsen scene makes more sense, Dorothy expecting to be waiting half an hour is much more reasonable than the multiple hours I thought they meant.)
(03:31) Something about how it’s calm so it’s short? きび mentioned how her baths are even shorter than the men. Something about everyone has a long bath, and きび says if it’s warm. More baths in the summer? They say going in the bath makes your body more 元気. Because it’s relaxing? やまむ has her bath after eating and before bed, and then has a shower in the morning. Now they’re talking about how they can’t (aren’t able to) have a shower in the evening as well as in the morning. Because it’s a pain.
(05:45) Second theme. きび is asking やまむ what she does because she’s in there for such a long time. やまむ says she reads a book, and does her best to not drop it in the water. She also might listening to youtube and stuff. Maybe an anime episode. The things she doesn’t do in the bath is work, talk on the phone, or bring her smart phone with her. All she brings is a book. I’m not understanding what きび does in the bath. やまむ says her parents just hang out in the bath, … and recite あいうえお? Some people recite the hiragana or count while in the bath, something about children… I think the reciting/counting is for children to not get out too quickly or keep them entertained or something? Now talking about shampoo, やまむ always gets the same brand with a nice smell. きび chooses based on colour, she likes pink red or blue, and also likes a nice smell. Talking about presents and stuff I’m thinking shampoo is a false friend and more like bubble bath? Jisho just says it is shampoo so maybe I’ve overthinking it.
(I did bring my phone. You know how many wanikani reviews you can get done in the bath? Shame I don’t have one anymore.)

Misc Learning:
Bunpro - lesson 2, mostly skimmed, 6 in depth.
Speaking - reading kiseki outloud and giving the characters voices.

Club Progress
フリーレン - barely keeping pace
軌跡 - actually went well this week
ネバーランド - fell behind another week
○○生活 - chipping away at it
ダン飯 (anime) - 1 episode = half a week
Podcast - going relatively well
ふたつのスピカ - so far so good

Preparing for this week
Last monday I scrawled a rough plan on paper of what I have planned for days and what I could fit around it to get my reading/listening every day. I did not stick to that plan. But, it was helpful to look at for the days where I’ve kinda got motivation but am not sure where to start. I scrawled one for this week too. Probably won’t stick to this either, but it’s here.

The G stands for grammar. The red row is listening, green is reading, blue is bonus if I have the energy. And because I handwrote it I’m absolutely counting those kanji as handwriting practice. No I don’t know why I wrote HanaはSaku as a mix of roumaji and a single hiragana.

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I stayed up to late once and messed up my sleep schedule. Finally got it back on track yesterday. But, there was a lot of time wasted in bed scrolling through youtube shorts because I’m too tired to get up but also I’m supposed to be awake.

I’ve also been reading on my phone more, though with vocab sheets open on my computer. Maybe could try if I can get into opening bookwalker instead of youtube and read something I consider easy if I’m going to lie in bed for hours.

Things I read last week
葬送のフリーレン

ひとりぼっちの○○生活

Read some more ○○生活 while out and about. I’m moving this down to an easy read in my list, because I’m finding I can just open it on my phone and read with little trouble. Also, I like Nako-chan.

ふたつのスピカ

pg. 38/39
説明をさせてもらいます
at first I looked at this like wtf is going on here, but “allow me to explain” where “me” is the person receiving the allowance to explain, but you don’t think about it that deeply it’s just a phrasing.
So, so many people passed the first test(s) that they’ve decided it’s too many and have quickly thrown together a practical exam to get rid of some of them.
Kid whose name I forgot (it has 中 in the middle, where it belongs) says they (the test makers) are very prepared and wouldn’t quickly throw something together, so this is a planned test to put the candidates on edge.
The practical test is one where they’re in a closed off environement, because of in space you can’t always get in contact with the earth. Also, supports 中君’s theory because this is not the kind of thing likely to be just lying around.
Instructions so far:

  1. exchange exam ticket for pe kit
  2. go get changed (in your individual room)
  3. face your assigned room without forgetting the number (as in, go read your rooms number and don’t forget it, I think)
  4. once each person is in their room, the contents of the test will be explained a second time

pg. 40/41
The rocket we see is a replica and a history museum. (Also, good on Asumi being brave enough to ask the question.)
New guy, everyone is avoiding (because he’s blonde I think?) His name is probably not 胡桃 but I will call him that until we get a name.

pg.42/43
Seems we have no reason to doubt Asumi’s grip strength.
Seems I slightly misunderstood a bit earlier. The “each” changing rooms was just a boy/girl split, not each person getting their own. And they got their room number which they had to remember in order to find their room, not taken there first then told to not forget it to find their way back. (Asumi’s is さんびゃくごじゅう I will say it right. At least some of the time. )

pg.44/45
The rooms are not individual either, Asumi is sharing with at least two others. Asumi’s top has 28 and 圭さん has 29, so they’re sequential. She looks nice, I think I’ll like her.
The other girl is being all mysterious and she’ll remain nameless until I read more another day.

46/47
I’m not overly surprised at Asumi mentioning she heard there weren’t a lot of girls on the course. I’m a bit more surprised how stuck up this other girl is.
… what does 9 other people touching the doorknob have to do with Asumi? She a germaphobe?
I was joking but that actually is it. Well, good news the only germs in space are the ones you’re taking with you…
Well, as a slight germaphobe myself I don’t want to scold Asumi for washing her hands. But at the same time, you don’t want to wash them too much to the point that they start bleeding. Moderation and all that.

48/49
Okay, confirmation it’s just these three. And NO! 29-chan, they specificially said to only press the button once. (Yes I forgot her name already)
Okay, so like aside from her being too harsh with the handshake thing, I am absolutely on 30-chan’s side here. Being able to hear the instructions is important!

50/51
It was 0350! I only remembered because さんびゃく. Well, they were told on the bus to remember their room number, so I have no sympathy for anyone who cannot pass this step. Especially since they should have seen their room numbers just moments ago.
The red button being a give up button makes sense. Good thing this lot didn’t press it a second time. I wonder if any other teams have already failed?
This is kinda really making me want to try out an irl escape room. I’ve only done virtual ones before.
In the past people who pressed the button a second time before the instructions finished were immediately disqualified, but this time they’re just subtracting points. So, confirmation that this was very planned. As if the facility weren’t already proof enough.
Maybe I misunderstood that top panel with the bottom one having all the people who have already failed and are having to leave. Hmm, reading it again though I don’t really see it being the other way around?

52/53
胡桃くん is in room 3776. I don’t really understand 76 other than the wake up bit.
けい!29-chan’s name is 圭. I have a memory, yay.
Well, if 76-kun wants to call himself まゆ毛 that works until he provides a name.
Nvm, まゆ毛くん’s name is 鈴木. Ah, 府中野くん is the same guy is earlier. And I can’t tell if 胡桃 is actually saying his name is 富士山 or if this is a metaphor.

54/55
Oh, I don’t think it was obvious earlier that the rooms weren’t sequential, or if it was in the background I just didn’t notice.
Okay fine, you don’t have to trust each other, but either you know what the number is and you both say it aloud to confirm, or you don’t and you leave it to Asumi whether you trust her or not.

56/57
Hooray for memory. Enough suspense, what’s in the box’s boxes?

58/59
I can’t say I was expecting that…

60/61
Oh look, a note with written instructions. How useful that was noticed and read. (It’s a clean room, I would hope most groups noticed the paper.)
Anyway, if they’re building a thing with the dominos, meant to be a test like when people build towers out of toothpicks?
I like how Asumi is getting started, but the difficulty is going to be in not knocking them all over as they move around to eat and bathroom and stuff. I imagine points could be based on how creatively or efficiently they’re arranged?
Or, as Asumi is thinking, just the patience to line up them all with the cooperation of the three of them not getting in each others way at least.
It would have been nice to know about the room camera earlier, but it makes sense they’d be watched both to check how well they’re cooperating and to intervene if people start trying to kill each other.

62/63
Aha, she has a name! Clearly didn’t want to be refered to as ピン子ちゃん. Now, where’s the split… I’m going with 宇喜多・万里香. The IME finds that relatively easy, which is a good sign. Also, lucky that she wants to be an astronaut with 宇 in her name.
Is 350 a number related to how far away stars are? How far in Andromeda, that’s the next closest than the sun, right? 2.537 million light years, so that’s not it. Hmm, I don’t get it.

64
Last panel spotted!
Okay, so the alpha star in the virgo constellation is 350 light years away from spica. I, still don’t actually know what “spica” is :sweat_smile: I had assumed it was a made up word. Well, then it was just luck I immediately take that back. Asumi probably would have remembered whichever number, but it being 350 in particular made her extra confident in her selfconfidence.

Looking at the thread, “Spica” is the name of the brightest star in the Virgo constellation. And I just remembered Andromeda is a galaxy, that’s why these stars are counted in hundreds of light years and not millions… And ふたつのスピカ seems to refer to how the star Spica is actually two smaller ones? Everything is making more sense now.
Also, I think I got the name thing mixed up earlier? If 胡桃 is 鈴木. That exchange has kinda confused me.

I had another look at the Spica pages that confused me yesterday. One I asked about in the thread. The other, I realised the guy with the eyebrows and shaved heard was calling the other guy “This eyebrows and shaved head guy” so it’s his own name he introduced himself with and I’m still kinda confused but I think I’ve got who is who.

薬屋のひとりごと

I’mma read apothecary! So far I’m enjoying when I find details that weren’t included in the anime. Like, in episode one Maomao says it’s not poison because the current princess is sick and there’s no reason to target her if they’re after succession stuff, but in chapter two here the reasoning is two of the already dead kids were princesses (with the same logic that there’s no reason to poison a princess over a succession dispute).

空の軌跡
スーと鯛ちゃん

Things I listened to last week

日本語の会話のpodcast

ep5
It’s n5/n4 and only 6 minutes so I’m not expecting issues. In comparison, it feels like they were speaking so slowly this episode. Don’t think there was anything I struggled to understand.

ep 6
pressing play before I chicken out.

Today’s episode is: What do you do when you need to toilet. She is talking about needing the toilet and going in shops but they didn’t have them, which was a surprise to her. There was one that had a locked password but you had to buy a coffee first. They have to pay for the toilet paper seperately?
I zoned out a bit. Now something about scary and dangerous toilets. Asking about going to the toilet in class but the teachers saying no.
Second mini topic: Where does やまむ go when she needs the toilet. Again, the answer is コンビニ. きび goes into a company building and asks there. They are listing shops you could find a toilet. きび won’t use toilets in the park because they are scary because of the cameras. And bad people. やまむ doesn’t like them because they are cold in winter and hot in summer and bugs get inside.

ep7
This looks to be a difficult one, so it’s just as much as I can get from it and not worrying about all the rest. Reading the topics first, it’s about how the school day is spent with the three topics being morning, lessons, and after school.
(00:00) Introducing as normal.
(01:20) First off explaining primary is 6 years from 7 years old, middle school and highschool are 3. You learn life rules at school and lots of homework and studying. Rules like study and do your homework and don’t be late
(02:50) Topic 1: School starts early in the morning, about 8 which is when you need to put your shoes in the boxes. They’re talking about something about being late and how the teacher reacts I think? Tokyo time is different from normal time? Not only in the morning but also for lessons, I think saying about being late still. Now talking about commute, やまむ said she bikes? Or, maybe that if you see a bike you know how old the student is. Most people take bikes or bus, but some people came via car. Not sure what the せき bit is talking about but it’s inside the classroom. Seat? I think they’re talking about the teacher choosing where you sit.
(08:00) Topic 2: How long are lessons in high school? きび said hers were 50 minutes, やまむ said 1 hour. Talking about how many classes and how long lunch is. Everyone in her homeroom was something. They are discussing teachers, one came from America. きび is talking about her science teacher. やまむ about her art teacher. I’m not entirely sure what they’re saying about these teachers. きび mentioned normally they study in class with the teachers teaching, やまむ mentioned sometimes they’d have little tests. I caught 犯人, maybe someone cheating on the test? きび thinks teachers are scary. Because there were a lot of rules to follow. やまむ I think was talking about getting into trouble, きび said she got into trouble once. She didn’t do her homework and the teacher was angry, but I don’t understand why this was a lucky/good thing.
(14:08) Topic 3: One said school finished at 17:00, and then she had club for an hour and a half. やまむ mentioned her club had piano, everyone in her school joined an indoor club. She’s discussing a few of the different once. At きび’s school, there were a lot of people who didn’t join a club. They had cram school. Talking that the schedules were busy, that it’s difficult and tiring to be a student. How talking after clubs, everyone would go to コンビニ and buy a bread. Price of something was 三百円. At times there was no club, やまむ said that was only when there were exams. On saturdays, just hanging out after school. きび said on days with no clubs or 塾, something something teacher something something park. Something money, something spending a long time together. I think きび said she did not miss school because of the schedule or something along those lines.
Next episode is about school as well.

花は咲く、修羅の如く

Misc Learning
Handwriting

Club Progress
フリーレン - I caught up! Both chapters were read pretty extensively, but I caught up!
軌跡 - chugging along leaning heavily on the vocab sheet. Got the rest of the current chapter planned out last night.
ネバーランド - oh yeah this exists. penciled a chapter in for today’s reading.
○○生活 - read a couple chapters, basically just keeping pace
ダン飯 (anime) - I have seen it before it does not matter how much I do or do not understand and yet I do not watch it
Podcast - actually think it’s going quite well, when I actually start the episode at least
ふたつのスピカ - love it :smiling_face_with_three_hearts:
ルックバック - heard great things about the movie, which I plan to watch after finishing the manga.

I think I need to let myself read “ahead” even I have other stuff to do. Earlier this week I stopped myself reading more ○○生活 because I had other club books to catch up on. Did I read any of those instead? Nope. I hadn’t realised how far behind I was until ルックバック started over the weekend. I could have finished the volume and it would have been fine.

Also I noticed a flaw in my planning for the week. I’ve been treating Wednesdays as days that need to be easy days because of Stuff I Have to Do. But, actually, Wednesdays are pretty good days. I get to show my sisters anime I like (and tolerate whatever weird shit they show me). It’s Thursdays that are emotionally exhausting. (The more realistic answer is this is going to change on a week to week basic and trying to predict whether a day will be good or bad based on the day of the week is basically a lost cause.)

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chis-marie

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