This is coming from internet stranger, but Iβve read few of your posts on these forums so you are not a complete stranger for me. And I feel sad that you are suffering right now. I think you are smart and funny and interesting person, and you are great dad. Iβve figured out that bad stuff happened in your life last summer, and now you are in not so great place. I had bad staff happen in my life 5-6 years ago, and just hear this - 6 years after, I am actually more happy than I was before. And I was in really bad headspace back than and honestly it lasted for a whole year before it got better. I still need to βwork on itβ, work on being happy in my life as it is now. Be kind and gentle to myself in the first place. And keep going outside for sunshine and listen to nice music, and watch nice shows, and do my WK reviews, and workout, because all these things Iβm doing for myself, because one needs to love themselves first before they can be loved by others.
Tomorrow will be a new day, and hopefully there will be sun out, and one day you will suddenly feel yourself better for no reason. My only advice (which is my remedy) is taking a walk outside, and plugging some encouragement media into your ears.
I know it doesnβt mean much but I am looking forward your posts and have been asking myself why you didnβt post yesterday! (or maybe today, way earlier in the day, canβt remember) It just seems like I was a little too early. Keep on going; this too shall pass.
I also like those! Got any recommendations if I may ask?
Ending the day with unchanged stats and unchanged level.
I wish I could say that I was in better state than when I wrote the last update, but that would not be true. I really appreciate here words of encouragement I have seen from people on the forums though, youβll never really understand how theyβre helping me though, so thank you.
A 101 (+53)βββββββββββ βββ G 172 (+48) ββββ βββββββββ M 0 (+/- 0)ββ ββββ βββββ E 0 (+/- 0) βββ ββββββββ B 0 (+/- 0)
Iβm happy to report that Iβm ending this day in a much, much better headspace than the one in which I ended yesterday and Iβm sat here filling in this study log with my cheeks hurting from smiling too much. Iβm immensely grateful for my friends here on the forum who have been keeping my spirits up and offering words of support over the last 72hrs; Iβll never take for granted just how special a community this is and how supportive.
Nothing WaniKani related to note, as it turns out, other than the fact that itβs super easy stat tracking in these early levels before you start getting items to Master, because youβre just subtracting the Guru change from the Apprentice, haha.
A 44 (-57)βββββββββββ βββ G 229 (+57) ββββ βββββββββ M 0 (+/- 0)ββ ββββ βββββ E 0 (+/- 0) βββ ββββββββ B 0 (+/- 0)
Little spam on Joeni's study log, promise keep to a minimum
I listen to podcasts on Spotify, and one generally nice one is from Headspace meditation company, called βRadio Headspaceβ. The episodes are 4-5 minutes long, coming every week day and I recommend to start with the old ones, because for the first year it was done by Andy, and I liked him the most. And it is not about meditation, but just about life, and during the first year of pandemic it was very helpful to me.
Had a pretty great day today, rushing around doing some on campus work and then having a nice lunchtime with my girlfriend. My evening featured two hours of roller disco, which is always fun, though Iβm exhausted now. Itβs half past midnight and I just had a three hour FaceTime, so I really should get to sleep.
Stats remain unchanged as I had some Guru 2 items come up and my first kanji and radicals wonβt come up for review until tomorrow morning, so Iβve not had to make any changes, yay. I really need to get back into doing BunPro lessons so that I have those stats to update too, hehe.
A 44 (-57)βββββββββββ βββ G 229 (+57) ββββ βββββββββ M 0 (+/- 0)ββ ββββ βββββ E 0 (+/- 0) βββ ββββββββ B 0 (+/- 0)
Iβve been gone a while and if Iβm honest; Iβm not doing so good. Itβs been a hard few weeks and I thought they were getting better. I felt like I was climbing back up a hill and could just about see the sun, but now I feel like Iβve slipped back down again.
Iβm trying to get back into language again. I canβt say Iβve been looking at WaniKani much lately, but Iβve been hitting Duolingo hard lately learning Norwegian (having previously learned Swedishβ¦ ) and so thatβs something, I guess.
A 28 (-16)βββββββββββ βββ G 503 (+274) ββββ βββββββββ M 461 (+461)ββ ββββ βββββ E 66 (+66) βββ ββββββββ B 1 (+1)
It seems like I only post here when it feels like my life is falling apart.
In some ways this has become less like a study log and more like a diary that I only fill in very infrequently. When times feel hard I gravitate to this forum as somewhere Iβve always felt understood and supported.
The last week and a half have been probably the hardest Iβve experienced in a long time and Iβm coming to terms with a lot of things and trying to find my way to a place of recovery. Iβve reset everything and Iβm going to see what happens - no promises, just slow and steady through my lessons and reviews for as long as I manage.
A 0 (-28)βββββββββββ βββ G 0 (-503) ββββ βββββββββ M 0 (-461)ββ ββββ βββββ E 0 (-66) βββ ββββββββ B 0 (-1)
i restarted my kanji adventures rather recently, and have found the regularity of learning something new to be very grounding when lots of stuff is going on. because as long as you do a little bit every day, youβre still improving.
In a return to my previous form regarding study log posting, I forgot to post this last night.
It was another hard day, as much as I wish I could say that it wasnβt. Iβm trying to find some feeling of peace and just breath, understand that it only hurts me to try and hold together things that are falling apart. This will fall as they may and all I can do is try and be kind, both to myself, and to those I love.
Iβm going to unlock my level one kanji today and it always feels weird to be going over the early levels, but itβs beneficial to do so. This is the first time Iβve reset since I started taking ADHD medication, so I do wonder whether that will help at all.
Iβm taking it slow and just doing WK right now, Iβve not touched BunPro or Kitsun again yet - the benefit of having lifetime accounts on all the platform means that I at least feel no pressure to go any faster than I can handle right now.
A 28 (+/-0)βββββββββββ βββ G 0 (+/-0) ββββ βββββββββ M 0 (+/-0)ββ ββββ βββββ E 0 (+/-0) βββ ββββββββ B 0 (+/-0)
This is my update for yesterday, Iβll post my one for today tonight
With everything happening at work and in my personal life at the moment, Iβm not doing very well at getting back into the rhythm of reviews and lessons, but I hope that this will come back to me in time.
We had a really shocking incident at work today (2nd) involving a member of staff and it meant that a lot of the day was spent in concern about that.
A 28 (+/-0)βββββββββββ βββ G 0 (+/-0) ββββ βββββββββ M 0 (+/-0)ββ ββββ βββββ E 0 (+/-0) βββ ββββββββ B 0 (+/-0)
This entry is a bit of a hard one to typeβ¦ not for emotional reasons for a change, just literally hard to type because my spacial awareness failed me once again today when cleaning up a 3D print. Iβd put a new blade on my craft knife and happened to shortly after slip slightly while removing some of the raftβ¦ and slice into my left index finger. A very clean cut, thankfully, but in absolutely the worst place to get one when you have to do a lot of typing in your day!
A 18 (-10)βββββββββββ βββ G 26 (+26) ββββ βββββββββ M 0 (+/-0)ββ ββββ βββββ E 0 (+/-0) βββ ββββββββ B 0 (+/-0)
Thank you Rowena, it genuinely means a lot when I see you pop up here.
Things are feeling very hard right now, but Iβm doing my best to keep moving forward and focussing on what needs doing. I tend to go very introspective when I feel like this and fall into quotes and lyrics and so Iβll share what my darling friend Mallory, who is very wise, wrote a while back for a book of prose (that we both read half of the audiobook for) and Iβm trying to hold to it:
βLove is being okay putting yourself out there when there are no guarantees and, while always hoping for the best, being selfless enough to know the sometimes you might not be enough. Itβs trying anyway. Love is βno strings attachedβ and not forgetting that you, too, are worthy of loveβ
Probably shouldnβt be sat in bed typing this out when I should be asleep, but honestly, my brain doesnβt feel ready for sleep yet.
I realise that all my posts so far have been pretty sad and that Iβve been focussing on how Iβm feeling an awful lot. I think itβs mainly because it helps me to write this all out and record my how Iβm feeling during this time. For all that this is a study log, itβs kind of also my journey in that way. Perhaps I should call this Joeniβs Journal instead, eh?
I just guruβd most of my kanji, apart from the three that I made stupid typoβs on without realising. This highlights how I donβt follow my own advice about doing reviews at set times, but Iβm resisting doing the lessons now, at least. So Iβm a hypocrite, but I know my limits.
Iβm hoping that these updates start getting a little happier as time goes on, but Iβm very thankful for those of you who come and read despite the tone.
A 3 (-15)βββββββββββ βββ G 41 (+15) ββββ βββββββββ M 0 (+/-0)ββ ββββ βββββ E 0 (+/-0) βββ ββββββββ B 0 (+/-0)
