Not sure, but total notification count was 30 lol
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No chance, I haven’t missed a Wednesday yet!
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So, I’ve kept you waiting for long enough, time for an update!
(Note: This post was usually way longer but then I decided to shorten it to a readable size, as 50% of it was just me crying about my own skill issue to control myself anyway, and yes I said I’ll try to post it next week but well, one day more or less doesn’t really make a difference I guess lol)
So, where have I been, and why did I just disappear? Well, the main reason for that can be described in one word: Atomic.
I always had a tendency to easily get hooked to my hobbies, and as I already mentioned a few times, I like to play Atomic chess. But well, after the yearly atomic arena, I got a bit too hooked to Atomic. I actually got so hooked that I not only stopped studying Japanese, but also neglected every single other hobby that I have. Or in short: I became extremely addicted to Atomic, so addicted that I started to even throw my sleep to play Atomic until as late as 4 am… and instead of studying for school as well. Fortunately, I can learn pretty fast, so I can still catch up in school, but that half year is gone for good, and there is no way I can get it back…
So yes, my Japanese in one year goal failed due to my addiction tendencies, and it’s a shame that I wasn’t able to control myself better. However, I won’t be able to do that again until at least my birthday, as my parents blocked lichess on my router, and I’m quite happy with that as is it gives me some time to “cool down”, and get back into a regular and productive routine.
Now that I can’t play Atomic anymore, I realized just how bad all this was for me, and especially, how bad it was for me to stop learning Japanese for playing Atomic. I usually always woke up at 6 or 7 am to do my morning reviews, but since I didn’t learn Japanese anymore, and played Atomic til way too late, I’ve been getting out of bed at 9-10am for months now, once even at 11 am, and my daily routine is absolute chaos, I’m not able to get anything done.
So, enough of crying about my current situation, I’m back and determined to get things back in order. I don’t want to quit Atomic forever, but I need to get into a good routine again, and, most importantly, avoid that I cut the time for other hobbies or, even worse, school or sleep.
Before I start talking about my plans, did anything happen during my time off? Well, I didn’t completely waste my time, as I at least became a decently strong Atomic player (stable top 50). I didn’t really do anything productive, but I got sick for the first time in almost five years in December. It wasn’t anything too bad, and I’m healthy again already, I mainly coughed pretty badly, my nose was running all the time and my throat almost killed me. Oh yeah, and I got a new laptop 
Alright, so what are my plans?
- I’m quite sure that I got really rusty at Japanese, so I’ll spend at least the next week trying to “unrust” myself again. Unfortunately, WaniKani is a bit too expensive for us at the moment, so I’ll have to use some free alternatives. The only one I know is Anki, but I’d be really glad if anyone can share some others
- I still have an active Bunpro subscription til my birthday… and over 750 reviews
I have no clue how much I still remember, but hey, at least we will now get the chance to see how effective SRS learning methods are for long-term memorization - I’ll have to think of another title for my study log, as the one year goal is over, and I didn’t reach it. However, even tho I wasn’t able to do that, I recognized that trying to rush through something as fast as possible iisn’t the way to go if you want to learn something as well as possible, and I’m sure this will show in my reviews as well (I guess I’ll get 90% wrong). So, instead of spending my whole day with doing countless SRS reviews, I’ll try to focus more on immersion (after I unrusted myself, ofc)
- Just to have fun and get something done again! I have a lot to fix in my life, and I won’t be able to do it in just a day, but if I want to do it at all, I’ll have to start somewhere, and that will be by waking up earlier again. I’ll start with 8 am and then try to go down to 6 am again… and I’ll also handle the time change more carefully, as the last time we had the winter to summer change I felt completely destroyed for a few days
- I’ve been told that the Tile World Chronicles got a new chapter, so as soon as I’m somewhat in form again I’ll translate it
To finish things off I want to apologize to everyone of you. I know that this log was inspirational for a lot of people because of my ambitious goals and how I worked so hard every day to reach them, and then I just suddenly dropped everything because of an addiction. I disappointed you all, but I hope you can forgive me.
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I do want to reiterate what I said before and others have said also. Don’t beat yourself up too much about missing the one year target. Targets for endeavors like this are best used as self motivation, not something you need to hit to be respected by others.
While my Japanese learning progress has been pretty smooth, I’ve whiffed my personal goals for fitness a number of times in the past, but eventually got to a much better level. Part of that was having the goals gave me reason to keep working towards it, even if I didn’t ultimately meet them, but also part of it is what you do when you fall off the bicycle. If you end up beating yourself up so much for missing targets that you don’t want to try anymore, that would be very counter-productive. It’s definitely not something you need to apologize to people here for.
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I think I speak for most of us when I say we’re not disappointed, just happy to see you again!
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Honestly, Anki is probably your best bet! It’s supposedly very customizable and has survived the test of time. There’s even free Wanikani decks—mnemonics included!
You don’t need to worry about that. But if you do need to hear it—yes, of course we forgive you! You’re not a disappointment or a failure or anything that your mind might try to tell you. I know that it’s hard, but try to look it from a different light:
You stayed super consistent for half a year! That takes a lot of effort alone and is impressive in it’s own right. Regarding anything you will ever try to achieve, obstacles will come. You stumbled. It happens and is simply a part of the journey. Yet, despite that, you’re back! That is the most important thing. You will stumble and trip, but if you can manage to get back on your feet, (even if you need to sit there and rest for a bit, or even to grumble for while, or in your case, to play atomic for months straight) then you’re fine! If you keep at it, you will reach your goal eventually. Setting achievable goals in itself is super difficult to do. Setting a reasonable timeline for yourself—especially as a beginner—and getting it right? That’s almost impossible in my experience.
So, pat yourself on the back, steady your feet and try again. You can do this!
Just take your time with it. 
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I think we all called it and we’re so happy you’ve learnt introspection
Takes a strong person to look back at themselves and improve, you’re doing better than most people!
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Use renshuu over anki, it’s goooood and it’ll tickle your gamer brain
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Welcome back!
This sort of thing happens to me a lot.
After many failures and false starts, I now try to aim for consistency rather than speed in my various language learning projects. Even so, the threat of distractions (including potential addictions, as well as more mundane random failures of impulse control) is always lurking in the shadows.
Of course you are forgiven.
I was not disappointed, just worried about you. Mainly I was hoping you weren’t in danger of sliding into depression or despair after this setback.
Good luck with fixing your sleep cycle. I also struggle with that one.
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Renshuu.org is probably the cheapest and all-covering option, but not sure if you would like it.
Anki is as good if you know how to use it well. Not sure how much Kitsun.io makes better even with a good UI (and no direct Yomitan / AnkiConnect alternative). Regarding Kanji learning, I post this one a long while ago, but really, a way is to already know or cram vocabularies first, to be later reinforced by learning Kanji. WaniKani decks use copyright materials from WaniKani API, which I would feel guilty to use without an active subscription.
I can relate to addiction tendency, but perhaps it’s also that concentration that focuses to work hard.
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First let me just say welcome back. I want to respond to some negative things I saw in the explanation for what happened and coming back.
While I felt a moment of shock and surprise at finding out the reason for your absence was an addiction to chess. I can’t really say that my response is disappointment. For one thing I don’t have a real knowledge of who you are to base my expectations on so I can’t be especially disappointed. For another thing I don’t know you well enough for that expectation to matter to you. We are internet strangers connected inasmuch as we study Japanese. As much as that is still a real interaction, you shouldn’t feel burdened by regret for disappointing people who are only so tangentially involved in your life. If your parents are disappointed in you, I’d consider that different and perhaps more important. But even then your job in life isn’t to impress or disappoint others. You live for yourself.
If you feel disappointed by the loss of time and focus, reflect on why that is and focus your improvement not on throwing yourself back at Japanese, but in finding the things that you wish you had done instead. What are the things that you want to achieve? If there are too many to count, then find a few that you want sooner and focus on those for now. Take your recovery a day at a time and be easy on yourself in your goals.
If you want to seek the positives in this experience, you’ve become an excellent chess player. That kind of lateral thinking will be useful outside of chess. You’ve learned the importance of managing your time more wisely and in letting the people who care about you step in to help you do so. You are talented at learning new things and adapting quickly to changes, but you may need to learn to regulate yourself and your approach to your hobbies. I say this because of how ambitious your goals typically are for anything you accomplish. Don’t trade one addiction for another, try to seek out a balance that can keep you whole.
You did lose your way, but what matters is that you’ve found it again.
We forgive you.
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You should still have a free iKnow trial until ~March too!
Also no I’m not mad you didn’t master your goals. I’m turning a bunch of my 2024 goals into 2025 goals. Sure it’s nice to have achievable goals, which is why I did do some things in 2024. But it’s also nice to have aspirational goals to push myself farther. Also sometimes life happens and it’s hard to study (like if you’re sick). 仕方ない
It’s also relatable that you’re spending time on a game instead of Japanese because I’m doing something similar right now. You still inspired me to get way more Japanese done in 2024 than I would have tried otherwise. I’m still grateful. I’m still glad you’re back.
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Happy to see you back, Neo!
Seems like everyone has said it already, but of course no one is disappointed. I hope you can find enjoyment in Japanese again soon! Your hyperfixation on chess isn’t really your fault, either, it’s just how your brain is wired. No use beating yourself up about it now. 
It seems a few other people have suggested Renshuu already as well, but I hear that is a good free resource! You can also watch Tokini Andy’s videos on Genki for free on Youtube.
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Welcome back! Properly this time! I just want to say this first, but there’s no disappointment here at all. Life happens, and that can take any shape. It’s actually funny that it’s still something as intellectually engaging and ambitious as chess that was what pulled you away from studies, but what’s happened happened.
One thing that did stand out a little was:
I don’t mean this in any sort of rude way or anything, but I think that gives a slightly better picture of why your parents became so protective of your time when they noticed you got that deeply focused on Japanese studies. That situation sounds a bit more rounded out and normal now, rather than the previous one where it kinda just sounded like they were perhaps a bit strictly controlling? If you have a history of being sidelined by new hobbies this extent, then I can see why they’d get worried when they saw you fixate your waking hours on another hobby.
Also as others have previous said, goals like that are really there for self-motivation. I also started my studies to see how far I could get in one year. Another half year past that deadline and I’m still at it. I think when you were still active I was around N3, and I’m hovering around N1 now. Nowhere near native fluency, but in a year and a half of study I am at a point where I can read social media, basic light novels, most videogames, and speak to natives without much of a barrier. I say this because you were one of the few people whose study logs felt like they were keeping pace with my progress, which was oddly motivation. So I definitely think you can make to this level in a a relatively decent pace if you can keep yourself motivated and have fun with it.
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Should we forgive @NeoArcturus さん？
- Of course, we should!
- Nope!
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voters
On a more serious note, I second what @taiyousea さん said – we are not disappointed, just happy to see you back! 
I can very much relate to being so fascinated by something that you forget about everything else
It’s always such a great feeling when you have a strong motivation to do something and it pushes you to do it! And it’s so tempting to just let that motivation drive you like setting up a square sail and riding the wind on your sailboat… But the wind wouldn’t always blow in the direction you want, so, you need a diagonal sail to be able to, while still using the wind power, go in the direction you want to go, not in the direction the wind pushes you.
Anyway, it’s great that you’re back! Falling is always hard, especially for someone with high goals, like you. But the hardest thing is always accepting that the failure happened – and you have already managed to do it! That proves that you are on the right track now and hopefully would be able to get to where you were – very soon! And being able to stand up and climb back after a fall – is just as (or maybe even more) important as being able to avoid falling! As someone who has fallen many times and climbed back many times, I wish you best of luck!
P. S. Here’s a somewhat relevant short video that I think you might find useful (the title is very clickbaity, but the video itself is interesting):
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No disappointment, quite the contrary. You set out to do something hard, you made amazing progress, you did a different hard thing, then realised for overall life balance and other goals you had made a big mistake. Those six months may be gone but you learned a huge lesson that will probably save you similar mistakes in the future that cost years.
I am inspired by you right now as your are. It takes a lot of guts to admit mistakes not just to ourselves, but to others.
Respect
And this 
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As someone who can get completely sucked into hobbies, I would like to offer a different perspective than what I’m seeing in the comments here.
I don’t think your “addiction” to atomic chess is bad. I will offer a caveat, which is it is important to eat and sleep, and at some point you will have to develop a way to make sure you do these things. That’s easier said than done, when the shiny thing is there, (and as an autistic person, I guess I have an actual neurological thing where my brain doesn’t process signals like hunger very well).
You had a goal to learn Japanese. You got distracted with chess. In some circles, becoming such a good chess player would be the most important thing. In these circles we learn Japanese so that’s more important. But these values are arbitrary and it’s ok to change your goals.
The least helpful thing in the world is to study Japanese because you feel obligated by a goal that you no longer really have.
If you have assessed your motivation and really want to study Japanese then great! Everyone here is really happy to have you! But your time away to play chess is not a failure, not in any sense of the word. It is simply a time when you (apparently) became a chess master. Congratulations on your wild chess success, that is something to be proud of, not guilty about.
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For what it’s worth, I’d like to think you’re better off using something else anways
Anki is great, especially in combination with Yomitan if you’re creating flashcards from your immersion. Hands down can’t beat it for mining. Seems like almost everyone that has reached a high level in Japanese and continues to use SRS starts to use it eventually.
jpdb.io seems pretty nice as well, though I’ve never used it. Personally it’s a little too limiting for me when it comes to mining, but I imagine it takes a lot less getting used to than Anki. Also, its prebuilt decks are quite nice when you’re starting out.
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other people have mentioned it but plus one vote for renshuu. takes a little bit of set up (not nearly as much as anki tho), covers everything and is free. it’s been my primary grammar learning tool (plus reading around ofc) and i’ve found it very helpful (currently n2+ level)
i find anki most helpful for making your own decks (say, from a piece of media you’re reading/watching/playing) but i know there are pre-built decks out there that people have had success with.
welcome back! 
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For me it’s actually kinda the opposite, I got so addicted to Japanese for the last 5 months, that I completely trashed my sleep routine and threw all other hobbies away, my sleep routine during holidays is way way worse than yours, just yesterday I was watching Squid Game in Japanese until 7am 
. I wanted to learn game development and I actually got pretty far, I know a lot of the basics, but due to japanese I just dumped all this stuff and now it’s very hard for me to catch up on my own goals. So yeah, I understand the struggle, changing one’s own sleep routine can be very very difficult. It is also the same with school for me, I essentially learn nothing for school, but still get good grades nonetheless since I’m just extremely fast with catching up in school. There are even times where I learn more japanese the day before I have a french test than french. I think its not too hard catching up on japanese, just don’t try to catch up in a short amount of time or you will probably burn out. For immersion I recommend joining book clubs and using Mokuro for example for digital manga. Anyways I wish you best of luck with catching up on Japanese and fixing your sleep routine! 頑張ってください！
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