I am the sole member of sect James Craburn.
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First rule about sect names: you don’t talk about sect names.
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Okay, the turtle part may be solved. Now, who is the other guy standing by the Crabigator? And the Crabigator himself?
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I just realized!
The guy standing by the Crabigator is Kappa, a yōkai!
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Okay, now that we’ve somewhat solved the Crabigator, do we move on to the Allicrab? Or whatever creature that KaniWani has for their home button?
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I imagine that right now, you’re feeling a bit like Alice. Hmm? Tumbling down the rabbit hole?
I see it in your eyes. You have the look of one who accepts what they see because you are expecting to wake up.
Ironically, that’s not far from the truth.
Let me tell you why you’re here.
You’re here because you know something.
What you know you can’t explain, but you feel it.
You’ve felt it your entire life, that there’s something wrong with the world.
You don’t know what it is, but it’s there, like a splinter in your mind!
Driving you mad!
It is this feeling that has brought you here.
The Crabigator (or by its ancient name The Allicrab) is everywhere.
It is all around us. Even now, in this very room.
You can see it when you look out your window or when you turn on your television.
You can feel it when you go to work…
When you go to church…
When you pay your taxes.
It is the world, that has been pulled over your eyes, to blind you from the truth.
You are a slave.
Like everyone else you were born into bondage.
Into a prison that you cannot taste or see or touch.
A prison for your mind!
Unfortunately, no one can be told what the Crabigator is. You have to see it for yourself.
This is your last chance. After this, there is no turning back…
You save the turtles - the story ends, you wake up in your bed and believe whatever you want to believe.
You burn the turtles - you stay in Wonderland and you see how deep the rabbit-hole goes…
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That was astoundingly accurate. Thanks Morpheus.
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I remember getting a great story about the crabigator in my email around last christmas. It seems cruel to withhold it from new users, so lemme see if I can rustle it up…
Merry Crabsmas, my friend,
it’s that time of year,
When all bad kanji students
will quiver with fear.
For the Crabigator comes,
to all homes simultaneously,
mostly through the door,
but sometimes subterraneously.
If you didn’t study,
it will vore your body whole
but if you’re astute,
you may get some turtle coal!Coal of the turtles,
from with which they made kanji.
And no! Before you ask:
this isn’t Jumanji.
This is a true tale,
from 2018 years past.
Where Santa ruled all,
at the top of the caste.
He kept them illiterate,
“no good if they read!
I’ll punish you all!
For every misdeed!”The people were abused,
for every mistake.
“No fried chicken for you!
And no Christmas cake!”
But they couldn’t stop him,
for they couldn’t read!
No manga, no books,
no Japanese Twitter feed.
“How will we escape,
the horrors of St. Nick?
He’s too powerful to fight,
and he’s kind of a prick.”For two-thousand years,
Santa ruled with iron fist.
From his North Pole throne,
his dark brain would twist.
“Good, or bad,
to me it doesn’t matter!
As long as I eat their young,
I will get fatter!
From this day forth,
you will give them to me!
And I will enjoy them
with unreasonable glee!”And so it became law,
that every 42nd child
must be given to Santa
or he would go wild.
At age seven they will
make the long trek,
From home to North Pole,
sheets of white, one dark speck.
If they refused,
he’d burn their whole village.
Laughing and laughing,
not bothering to pillage.For two-thousand years,
it went something like that.
We’d send him our children,
and he would get fat.
But then something happened,
with no hope in sight,
something was born
that gave Santa fright!
“Wolfen and Blitzen and Gandolph
get ready!
I sense in my beard, my
power is unsteady!”With a crack of his whip
reindeers took to the air.
He would come in the night
and take them unaware.
“Awaken, awaken!
Your master is here!
What magic do you do
that’s made me feel queer?”
Out from the crowd,
comes one sleepy child,
upon seeing this sight
Santa just smiled.“Ah, but a child!”
Santa said with a snort.
“You’re too young and
too stupid to even retort!”
But when he got closer,
he could no longer speak.
There was a kanji written there
on the young child’s cheek!
“Where did you get this?
Someone answer me now!
No one’s to be reading,
not even a cow!”When they stood silent,
he took up his trident.
“I will start with you lot,
if you insist on being defiant.”
A crooked old man
stepped forward with a cane:
“All! If we stay silent
it will be nothing but pain!
If I tell you how
we learned reading and writing,
perhaps I can convince you
to spare us from the fighting?”“Maybe. We will see,”
said Santa with a chortle.
“But I won’t sign contracts,
certainly not with a mortal.”
The old man sighed,
he knew they’d all die,
but for his village, and family,
he’d still give it a try.
“Walk past that house,
and right past the fountain.
There you will see
a tiny pink mountain.”“What funny and weird
things that you speak!
I will go and look for
this tiny pink peak.
But if what you say
is actually untrue,
it will mean death for your family,
and of course, for you too.”
And with that threat,
Santa rocketed away.
His fiery red boots
were quite the display.He flew into the air,
surveying the ground.
If it was actually there
it would be found.
He lit up his torch
(it was getting quite dark)
and he shined it around,
from the street, to the park.
Just when he thought,
the old man was lying,
he saw something there,
below where he was flying.Yes! There it was,
(much to Santa’s dismay),
a tiny pink mountain,
as plain as the day.
From a hole in the top,
came a smokey white pillar.
Inside were turtles,
(it was a turtle distiller).
By burning the shells,
they got godly writing!
Same like the Chinese,
(before they died to Santa, fighting).In the cracks of turtle shells,
these villagers received,
the kanji that Santa
worked so hard to deceive.
“Okay, Crabigator,
this is clearly your doing!
Turtle shells for writing?
All my work you’re undoing!”
Santa swung a red boot
at the still-smoking hill.
Then swung one more time
to go for the kill.Then from the ground
came an ominous rumble.
Falling to his butt,
Santa did tumble.
“Oy, how many turtles
did you give this god of script?
The more that he eats,
the more he gets ripped!”
Then one giant crab claw
shot out from the earth.
It took reindeer Wolfen,
despite all her girth.“Blitzen and Gandolph,
come to me fast!
Retreat to the North Pole!
Hoof rockets, on blast!”
And so they retreated
for the first time ever.
The ability to read
made those villagers too clever.
The more turtles they fed it,
the stronger it became.
Even at its current level
it put Santa to shame.“Elves, to me!”
Santa said, upon arrival.
“Someone did the ritual
for the Crabigator’s revival!”
Pick up your hammers,
and don’t run away!
I expect you to fight,
I expect you to stay!
If that Crabigator
we cannot repel,
I expect all you elves
to follow me to Hell!With that they took up arms,
every elf man, woman, child.
They prepared to defend
the man they defiled.
Then from the icy ground,
a crack did appear!
A single claw raised,
straight up, like a spear.
The gator head followed
and let out a bellow,
Deep harmonizing, roaring,
(kind of like a cello).The little red man,
stood in front of the giant.
“I see that you’ve come!”
(Santa said, being defiant).
“I have one thing to say,
before you make me all gory.
I shall live on,
in every Christmas story!
And when you give them
the power of literacy,
they’ll read about me,
and they’ll do it quite rigorously!”It clawed Santa in half
in front of his elves.
And said to them all:
“Think for yourselves!
You are free now,
Though you could work for me.
In fact, I’d suggest it.
I’ll eat you (if you flee).”
The elves bowed down,
"We’ll do as you say.
We’ll burn turtle shells
All night and all day.”So when you read kanji,
be sure to give thanks,
to that village, the Crabigator,
and all in their ranks.
Because of them,
You can read Japanese comics.
From ninjas, to pirates,
to blue hedgehogs name Sonics.
But Santa’s not dead,
did you think it was so?
No, not quite,
there’s a little more to go.For you see, Santa’s in prison,
in the fourth ring of hell.
He lays awake waiting,
right there in his cell.
If you remember anything
from this dark, Crabsmas tale,
remember it’s the kanji
(it’s what keeps him in jail).
So keep leveling up!
Keep reviewing, get gains!
Your efforts on WaniKani
keeps Santa in chains.
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Had a look at her profile
Meh, she was ok
This community is so nice even toxic people are kinder than regular people in other forums
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I knew this had to exist! Thank you so much! I knew there had to be a story behind all this kanji learning (even if Santa is the bad guy of his creation myth).
Is there any other WK literature out there? Care to share it?
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You want to increase your knowledge about our lord and savior the Great WaniKani. I welcome you into our sec… family. The story of the Lord cannot be told. They must be experienced. If you show your devotion to him he will bless you with his enlightenment. All those who are level 60 have experienced it. You must show that you are worthy of his praise.If you cry about it being slow he will never enlight you, NEVER
Or… you can have an instant enlightenment by applying to the WaniKani quick enlightenment program which gives you access to all his enlightenment for only 999$ per months. WOW what a deal.
You can also subscribe to the ultra enlightenment which gives more enlightenment for only 9999999$ per month
My favorite is the Ultra Spiritual Kanji Pack which give you more kanji and enlightenment and The Great WaniKani will come at one of your party to entertain your guest for only 999999999999999$(This month it’s in sale get it before we increase the price)
These offers are only in limited edition and a commitment of 12 months is required. There is no refund possible if the enlightenment was not good enough. The KaniWani is not responsible for any damage that may have a slim chance of prob not happening.
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So THAT’S where the Amazon review thing came from. Glorious.
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stop using these cute images i’m gonna die of cuteness overload
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Don’t forget self-assessed N3, practicing speaking by talking to oneself, etc.
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ぐ。。う なぜ。。死にたくない。やめ。。。て
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nurses back to health
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That’s a kappa, not a turtle.
The result looked like this:
(By BabelStone, CC BY-SA 3.0)
The divination method is described here: Oracle bone - Wikipedia
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