Help with poetic music names

Hello, Crabigator worshippers!
Can some experts help me with names for a piece and its parts?
I have nothing to offer but my eternal gratitude. :smiling_face_with_three_hearts:

I’ve been thinking of how to write “Melodies for Yui - A piano piece for Yui Yuigahama” and was hesitating on a bunch of ways to do so.
Eventually for the title I landed on 「結衣へのメロディー」which feels right to me as a novice, but I had already written 「由比ヶ浜結衣のためのピアノ曲」for the subtitle. But I feel like ため is more like “for her sake” Would that be right?
EDIT: should I add -san in the subtitle like 「由比ヶ浜結衣さんのためのピアノ曲」?

Then there’s the part names, I’m unsure if I used the right vocab depending on context.

"Melodies for Yui"
A piano piece for Yui Yuigahama.

1 - Growth
(as in, self-growth and growth of a relationship)
2 - Uncertainty
(maybe being with the person I love is gonna be impossible)
3 - I never wanted anything genuine
(the Japanese for that one is a direct quote so no need to translate)
4 - From a place of love
(figurative - doing something for the sake of people I love, “my actions come from a place of love”, that kind of idea)
5 - Inseparable hearts
(we’re friends and we’ll always be together)
6 - Always
(In this context it actually means Forever but I feel like Always is more sober and a bit less “in your face” so the Japanese is different)

「結衣へのメロディー」
由比ヶ浜結衣へのピアノ曲。

1-発展 (replaced with 咲く)
2-疑い (replaced with 不安)
3-本物なんて欲しくなかった
4-愛のところより
5-分かれられない心 (replaced with 切っても切れない心)
6-いつまでも

In advance, arigathanks gozaimuch :pray:

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Für Elise is called エリーゼのために, so maybe?

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I think in a title like this it is better to leave off さん, since a piece of music is such a personal thing.

By the way, is ghis a self composed piece, or are you translating somebody else’s title?

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That’s interesting! I’m hesitating again now x)

Thanks! I think so too, the -san feels a bit out of place. And yes it’s my own composition

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Oregairu! I love that series, it’s so good. Season 3 hype!
Not experienced enough to help you with the names, but is there gonna be someplace I can buy the sheet music after you’re done?

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I think “不安” might work better; 疑い sounds like suspicion or doubt more than uncertainty

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Yes I’m so on edge waiting for the episodes! It seems Yui fans are going to suffer though :sob:

For sheet music I don’t know, I compose music directly with virtual instruments, and I don’t play the piano.
My only sheet music experience is with wind instruments so piano notation is overwhelming. :sweat_smile:
I tried to keep human playing in mind but there might be stuff that can’t be played (or at least it wouldn’t sound the way it does in the “recording”)
But I might commission someone to do it later.

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Ah yes, thank you!
Can’t believe I didn’t think of it after the number of times I reviewed it answered it wrong on WK. :laughing:

I hope it’s okay to reply with this here but I finished it yesterday. Good thing because my headphones died just a few hours later :no_mouth:


@HilbertXVI
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That was lovely! It felt like I listened to an entire character arc. I don’t know anything about the character or Oregairu, but I still thought the piece was really nice!

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Thank you!
I’m glad it feels that way even for people who don’t watch the series! :smiley:

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That was beautiful, simple yet powerful. This suits Yui’s character arcs really well imo (I really like the change in tone when ‘I never wanted anything genuine’ starts). Thank you for sharing! :smile:

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Thanks a lot!
That part is going to destroy me when I listen to it again after the series end :laughing:

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This is soooo beautiful! You really are talented!

As for the names, I would say perhaps, for 発展, and this is just an idea, but what about 咲く instead? Just an idea, not that it’s better, just different and you shouldn’t have to change it but it was just something that popped into my mind.

For 愛のところより, I’m not sure if it would be understood the way you want it, or rather literally. Maybe something like 愛しているから would do the trick. I could be wrong though.

For 分かれられない心, I was wondering if something like 切っても切れない心 would also work, since 分かる makes me think of understanding more (and its passive/potentialis isn’t really used as far as I know). At least, if you’re going to go with 分, 分られない心 would be better, I think.

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Thanks! :laughing:

Thank you, I actually prefer those, especially 切っても切れない心!

That one I’m not sure about, doesn’t 愛している feel more like romantic love?
That part is about her group of friends (which she was afraid was gonna fall apart if she ended up with her love interest) so I tought 愛のところより had more of a general feel. (although maybe they never use 愛 in that context, I don’t know)

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You’re right, it has more of a romantic feeling. Perhaps then something like (友達は)大切だから, but that strays further from the original intention. Or just your original idea, I’m just not sure how it would be understood.

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Yeah. To be honest I think it’s fine if it’s not understood and people have to think about it :stuck_out_tongue:

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I agree, things you have to think about are more fun, but I meant that I’m not sure if it could mean ‘from a place of Love’ like in English. However, it’s not because I haven’t seen ところ used like that, that such things don’t happen, so I would say just go ahead unless someone more knowledgable confirms it’s wrong ^^

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I’ve read that ところ can be used in the figurative sense (and it’s usually written in kana when that’s the case) while 場所 is always literal, so I think you can but not sure

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Indeed, but the figurative sense I’ve seen it in was more like an aspect or a fact, kind of. I’m not trying to argue against you though, just adding to the conversation xp

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