Daisoujou's Study Log - やり繰り

Yeah, that’s basically the feeling I’m choosing to go with. I know exactly what you mean about uncertainty with applications and all that, but I’m just going to trust she knows what she’s talking about, and she’s made it clear she isn’t going to advise us to file if she thinks we’re lacking or anything like that. It sounds like she’s thinking it looks pretty good, so far. We’ll just be waiting for an interview at the end most likely so there IS a sort of high pressure final touch thing for us to do, which I’m not going to be able to sufficiently calm myself for I’m sure haha. But yeah, a few years off most likely.

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Haha omg, these pesky little things, how can they not mean the same thing :rofl: :woman_facepalming:
(and what is a human chair supposed to be anyway :exploding_head:)

I think that was the ultimate sign that it’s bedtime for me (it’s past midnight already) - good night! :sleeping:

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Well, the good thing to know is that basically everyone is probably nervous going into that interview, so any decent person/interviewer would expect that. But yeah, that is certainly a lot of scary. I remembering having to go to the Japanese embassy in Stockholm and… was I just filing there? I can’t even remember. I seem to have blocked what I had to do there. What I do know is that I was far more scared and nervous about it than it turned out to be. (Blocking it has more to do with the nerves and fear around it, not the actual thing. Brains :woman_shrugging: ) I vaguely remembering it being no more dramatic than any random paperwork I’ve done in the past (like filling in a form or something kinda feeling).

But trusting your lawyer and her seeming to be a good one are the important things. Glad to hear she’s liking what she is seeing so far. :+1:

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Oh yeah, I relate to all of that a lot. I brought it up with the lawyer cause most times just passing through customs I’ve been pretty seriously accosted, and had all of my stuff searched (even the contents of my laptop one time). I get pretty anxious and full of adrenaline at that stuff despite my best efforts, and apparently it really shows. Have never been denied entry but I get pretty lengthy additional questioning and really a whole group of suspicious acting agents all around me every time. I’ve grown to hate international travel due to that :sweat:

Anyway, the bit of good news is her response was that she’s never sent anyone in for the interview and had them come out unsuccessful. I suppose by that point there’s been a lot of work already demonstrating all the things we co-own, time spent together in the past, etc. Plus it helps that, like I’ve said, we’re not really in a major city or anything. I can’t guarantee we’ll still live here over the couple years it takes, but if we do, she was also telling me that the immigration offices here seem more relaxed than, y’know, California and New York and the like.

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Customs are so biased. I’m lucky that the ethnicity I was born with, the nationality I was born with, the gender I was born with, the appearance in general that I was born with, are all generally considered to be safe, weak, and the opposite of dangerous. Even when I’m nervous I have a feeling I appear more hapless than anything that brings attention. So I’ve never had a problem. But I know it has absolutely 0% to do with me as a person. I can’t even imagine how much more stress that much add to travel. International travel, especially longer distances are already a mess.

Small towns can be that way. I really enjoy not living anywhere close to something that can be a called a city, and yet close enough to a big town that I have everything I need within a nice 20 mins car ride. Things are so much more relaxed in general.

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Just a quick update since a lot of you have been really lovely about listening to my various struggles, I have bad news and good news. Ultimately the good news should be more lasting so consider this a positive update.

Bad: a few nights ago my cat interrupted my sleep enough to make me feel a bit worse, and since then I’ve just struggled so much to fall asleep at all, for some reason. I’m already someone who feels pretty wrecked if I get under a full 8 hours of sleep and 2 nights ago I had literally under 3. I’m doing all I can on that front I think; done plenty of reading and know what general good sleep practices are. I’ll cut out the screens a little earlier (has never noticeably impacted me in the past but I’m aware of the facts even if I don’t like them :wink:) but that’s about all that’s left. Just feeling absolutely horrible in every way mentally and physically and praying sleep works out tonight.

This has led to an almost total stoppage of Japanese… I dragged myself through piled up reviews today and it was miserable in so many ways, especially since lack of sleep destroyed my memory. I need to hang on until I don’t feel like death and try to claw my way back to doing it; I’m just not mentally able now…

But the good! I got an appointment directly with a sports medicine doctor (benefits of being able to use a school’s medical facilities as a spouse I suppose) for my shoulder, who seemed much more helpful and competent than any doctor I’ve had in ages, and she sent me to physical therapy literally the next morning. I’m hopeful so far that they seem to have identified the same areas I assumed to be the root cause (muscles lower in the shoulder, apparently they have weakened severely so my shoulder doesn’t move properly anymore). Made me realize how much I hunch up because I seem to be overly upper-trap dominant now. With any luck, going through for a little while will make me feel better and maybe a little less tense in that area for the first time in my life. Feels like a solveable issue because it’s no major damage or anything. Even when I had insurance it’s slightly surreal from my personal experiences to go to a doctor and feel like they actually affirmed that I have an issue, immediately sent me to something helpful, and it wasn’t a medication with several studies linking it to dementia and cancer haha. :crossed_fingers:

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Wonderful! This is how every visit with a doctor should feel. (Can you tell I haven’t always felt it either?) Hopefully, the pt will strengthen your body (in the right places :wink: ) and lessen the pain. :tada:

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Don’t forget to request the physical therapy package for people who play Splatoon!

Slightly off-topic but still mostly on topic: so many people go in and get surgery for things that can be solved by simple exercise/physical therapy routines. I’m always glad to see when someone is going the physical therapy route. (I haven’t followed along with the medical posts, so hopefully I didn’t miss that you just got out of ten surgeries or something!)

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I’m really glad to hear that you have access to better medical care now! That should help a lot, I hope.

I’m sorry to hear about your sleep issues. Good luck with getting through this tough period with your SRS reviews! I think you’ve more than proven that you have the dedication necessary to push forward and keep going, but that doesn’t stop it from being a very hard and painful thing. I hope that the stress and the pain lessening in other areas of your life will make things a little easier for you :heart:.

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Hmm. So perhaps what I talked about earlier served as a bit of an impetus, the high stress and exhaustion days (more insurance nonsense happening since then doesn’t help, etc, there’s always something) but it’s been a time where I’m just absolutely not motivated in the direction of Japanese, and took a real full break. I still wouldn’t call it burning out because I needed a little gap in working every single day, but I do still want to learn the language. Ultimately while I think burn out can certainly be correlated with the workload, I feel like it’s a bit of a misdirection from the ultimate cause of one’s mental framing of learning changing, in which learning the language itself becomes work. Of course a high workload can contribute to making it feel that way, but yeah. I’m still interested and excited to do it, though I’m sure not in the mood for flashcards. So I burned out of them, I guess. Juggling too many non-Japanese things I want to do which unavoidably turned the SRS into “something to get out of the way so I can go do what I want” and as soon as that happens it’s all over. The mental framing determines a lot.

Point being, after a day or two of “nah I can’t do these” I decided I just don’t like the flashcard grind right now and let Wanikani and Anki spiral. Quitting WK at level 58 is really funny to me but I’ve gotten plenty out of it and found a lot of the 50s an annoying grind. I’d only be continuing in order to get the forum post / feeling of completion. It’s more gambler’s fallacy than Japanese learning. Anki I’m less sure about but I do very much enjoy the break and I don’t think it’s too unreasonable to simply start over if I decide to go back to it.

I’ve eased my way back to listening and reading, still in pretty small doses because I’m busy, but to at least maintain and enjoy some media, I’ve done enough of the grind that I truly don’t need to do anything I don’t want to do. This does leave me questioning how happy I would be with my progress from here on going the no-SRS immersion only route. I have various conflicting ideas in my head, ranging from trying to keep this up, to starting Anki mining again with a fresh deck some day after I’m sufficiently refreshed (probably after October to get my little horror movie marathon out of the way), to looking more closely at koohi or any other method of properly researching frequency within a work for more efficient learning this time. I’m happy that I have a good base, and don’t think this moment is too bad though I do have to fight off the occasional feelings of failure it inevitably brings on, heh. SRS is great and super effective but this is the issue with it – at a certain point every single day indefinitely is a little much, honestly. I don’t think a lighter workload would have even changed that for me; it’s fundamentally the lack of total days off that I got a little tired of.

The SRS decisions will have to be sorted out, but at worst I took a week or so totally off and I’m already back doing at least some amount of reading daily, so it’s not so bad.

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I hope you’re still planning on sticking around the forum, even if you’re slowing down on Japanese! But I definitely understand wanting to take a break after how much you’ve learned in such a short period of time. Honestly, even if you take a long break, by the time you come back, you’ll probably still be ahead of me haha because you have such a huge head start.

I’ve gotten tired of the flash card grind a couple times, too, but usually those points have coincided with times in my life when I’m most depressed, especially if that stems from pessimism about the wrestling industry. It’s hard when the thing that gives me my strongest motivation to learn Japanese is also really bumming me out. But then I’ll have moments when things take a turn for the better, and I’ll get to add an Anki card for a word that’s associated with an extremely hopeful and optimistic thing for me, and every time the card comes up, it’ll make me smile.

I think you’ll probably pick up more than you expect without SRS. I’ve managed to do that with Spanish! And yeah, it’s always possible to come back to it if you decide you want to! :blush:

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The grind is real. When studying starts feeling like a grind, I also back off. I’ve certainly taken some breaks in the last few years that I’ve been studying Japanese more seriously.

When taking a break is a great time to assess things. See what tools are still needed, how much they add, and whether they still add enough for all their trouble.

Daily commitments like SRS that can be so punishing to take a break from are especially prone to needing breaks from. I personally have different strategies depending on how fed up I am with SRS. Right now for me, I’m pretty motivated and with the end in sight of learning some of the most useful kanji, well, it is easier for me to push right now. Life circumstances also allow it.

I hope all the insurance stuff get sorted. Also like @fallynleaf, I hope you’ll stick around the forum with us all. :slight_smile:

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