Daisoujou's Study Log - šŸ¤·

Thanks everyone for the well wishes. :heart: With some aggressive treatment my eyes seem better overall? I think itā€™s more of a straight dryness thing, perhaps.

That said, in my constant veering into more and more health issues, I think Iā€™m taking a step back from most daily ā€œobligationsā€ with learning like the challenges. Much as I liked interacting with you all there, well, things are still rough. I want to think Iā€™ve nailed my arm problems down to a stubborn shoulder trigger point that can refer pain all through the hand? Efforts to treat that arenā€™t good yet but weā€™ll see. It makes using a mouse painful pretty quick which is really interfering with what Iā€™d like to do. I was also trying adding in some exercise on the idea that strengthening areas like the back are good for thatā€¦

and Iā€™ve now discovered that after doing even pretty small amounts of exercise, I seem to get quite lightheaded. For, like, a whole day. Not bad enough Iā€™m actually losing my balance or unable to do things, but spending long periods feeling unwell. Only idea I can really come up with is pots, which matches some parts of it (and is definitely common post-covid), but it seems to last long even for pots and while this doesnā€™t definitively rule it out, it doesnā€™t seem like taking salt helps. :person_shrugging:

Edit: Oh, new idea. I thought my migraines had been gone for months (taking various measures like magnesium) because I hadnā€™t had vision problems, but itā€™s not impossible my symptoms have changed and I have atypical migraines now. That might actually be the leading theory.

Iā€™ll stick out the VN club as long as Iā€™m able to and Iā€™m still going ahead with studying when I feel able, but Iā€™m not doing particularly well (and not really describing the full scope, only the worst of it right now). More of an extended health hiatus I guess. Iā€™m about to lean towards bearing more medical bills to get this checked out but not certain yet. And definitely need a new doctor if I do.

On one hand I feel tired of filling my WK posts with rambling about my own health more than doing anything in Japanese. On the other hand (well ok same one because this just doubles the frustration) it feels like itā€™s getting harder to not be totally dominated by that such that it crowds everything else out. Iā€™ll stay learning, much as I can.

:disappointed:

13 Likes

Would this be good/bad/neutral? I guess knowing cause is always a step in the right direction, since that way leads possibilities for treatment.

I donā€™t know what to say, except know that there are lots of well wishes coming from me over here in Sweden.

If you at any point need someone to take over posting new threads for Loopers, and temporary leading the VN club, ping me, 'kay? I might not be very knowledge-able about VNs, but running an already started club isnā€™t hard (and Iā€™m planing to read all of Loopers with the club anyway), and I can figure out the main club stuff.

But hopefully, you wonā€™t need me or anyone elseā€™s help. :green_heart:

8 Likes

It would certainly be nicer than some alternatives, since lightheadedness could lead in some scary directions I think. Migraines can get really bad but theyā€™re just a common thing a lot of people have to deal with and not the end of the world. Just mixed because well, for one itā€™s hard to really know right now while I try to play doctor myself (though the ones Iā€™ve seen recently make me feel better equipped to handle this than some of them heh). But if I am right itā€™s a little frustrating since I thought I fixed this problem. And most migraine medication is stuff Iā€™d be concerned about taking; I donā€™t have a good history with reactions to medication. Nurtec seems most promising but until I can manage some insurance (and even then it has to be GOOD insurance), we charge people here literally $1000 for 8 of them :us:

Really, really appreciated, and Iā€™ll take you up on that if it comes to it.

8 Likes

Iā€™m glad at least your eyes seem better, and hopefully you find solutions for your other health issues soon as well.

Iā€™ll miss seeing your posts, but definitely take care of yourself! I have no doubt that youā€™ll be able to keep learning even if you arenā€™t reading or listening every single day. Youā€™re an incredibly hard worker!

If you do need a space to rant about health issues, feel free to post about them, though! Itā€™s all part of your language journey. Whatever keeps you going is fair game to post about, I think.

I do hope things improve for you soon :heart:

7 Likes

In the spirit of thatā€¦

Ok, decided I wanted to try writing out a lengthy thing because Iā€™m really trying to sort out where I am right now and what to do about it. Feel free to skip this one if you like, itā€™s long and very much just me talking about my life. Respond to any part if you want; I love when I get replies here, but I think this is also valuable for me in itself, maybe. If nothing else, good to put it somewhere while itā€™s all knocking around in my head. Some of that is about Japanese!

And a lot isn't

So look, Iā€™ll start with something that hangs over all of this. Iā€™m extremely lucky to be in a position to be essentially supported without having to go out and work or anything right now. Most people arenā€™t afforded this luxury and when I hear about what people have to do I genuinely do not understand how some cope.

I had actually intended to try to look for a jobā€¦ I mean I had been putting it off some, because I pretty much donā€™t believe in being able to ā€œfind something you want to do.ā€ The hard truth is what I want to do is learn Japanese, watch movies, play videogames, etc. Even those who find jobs doing what they love regularly learn that itā€™s not ā€œyou never work a day in your lifeā€ but ā€œyou never get what you love to stop being work.ā€ There are plenty of studies to show strong trends in that direction, it sucks some passion out of the passion. Absolutely not always, but often. And itā€™s not like I donā€™t think I should ā€œcontributeā€ or whatever but Iā€™m a super jaded person towards the entire setup of our world and think Iā€™d love to do a job if it was under a structure that wasnā€™t exploitative and doing something that I was really convinced was having a positive impact. Plus like not 40+ hours because thatā€™s insane. Look at how high up productivity per hour is compared to past decades, or look at studies on how long people can realistically work before losing their focus. Thereā€™s no good excuse for people to work more thanā€¦ 20 hours a week or so, in a society actually designed around peopleā€™s comfort and not just accumulating more and more profit as hard as possible. Point is, when I have to work, itā€™ll be begrudgingly, and think whatever you want about me for that, heh.

But around when it was really time to finally do so, covid happened. Iā€™ve always had some health anxiety. A mysterious miasma of death and permanent handicaps isnā€™t great for such a person! So, not truly NEEDING to do so at the time, I quit the idea to wait the disease out. Hah. My fiancĆ©e and I, as much as possible, minimized trips out and closed ourselves in. We still donā€™t do too much unnecessary outside stuff, but weā€™ve certainly relaxed from before. Would like to go see a movie again or anything, but hard to justify a few hours in a box with other people after the first brush with covid.

Got sick anyway though. Badly sick. Iā€™ve been through all that already, but the abridged version is some stuff lingered for ages and vaccines aggravated the hell out of all of it. In one way it really felt as if my life kinda ended when covid started, like that was the last time I felt true, real relief. Kinda also slipped from hopeless idealist further to I guess nihilism and some sort of misanthropy. I sure got sick of a lot of the people around me, having gotten terribly sick while no one here really ever took the pandemic seriously for a moment, only whining about terrible restrictions that never existed. Then just further watching a lot of people cheer on lots of awful things happening and making sure they continue to happenā€¦ whatā€™s a person to do? America is a mess. People are a mess I guess in general, but especially in some pretty depressing ways right here. The impending, yā€™know climate catastrophe death spiral sure isnā€™t lost on me too, heh.

Which brings me to now, having further nebulous issues. I probably have some real health problems, but at the same time, Iā€™m trying to press myself more on what might be the effects of literal years of avoiding non-distant social contact, being depressed and anxious, feeling like I might be permanently sick, and on and on. My vitals and whatnot are all good. I feel like I become a bit more of a normal feeling person when I have to leave to do something, or just go out for a walk. Am I just distracted? Am I so conditioned at this point to automatically feel like the apartment is a miserable prison and feel ill here? Who knows.

So Iā€™m trying to work on mental elements cause whatever I have, itā€™s true that that must help somewhat. Itā€™s always AN element. Doing meditation and seeing no results yet but I know thatā€™s not a quick fix. Itā€™s really hard to figure out how to truly relax, havenā€™t felt that in so long. Iā€™ve always been a computer/videogame overuser so the arm problems are a particular strain (hoping the pain doesnā€™t flare hard before this is finished heh). I feel like if I truly tried to put everything out of my mind and spent a few weeks in front of the most stupid mindless videogames, maybe Iā€™d feel better. But 1 hour in Iā€™d have wrist pain and just get more miserable. Need to fix that, but some of that involves exercise and Iā€™m a little afraid of my exercise intolerance now. My conditions are all interfering with fixing each other.

Iā€™m hoping that more than a little of it all is the result of spending so long thinking Iā€™m a frail ill person that Iā€™ve kinda made it come true, and that I can turn it around. Cause above all else, what I want is just a day or two where I feel totally normal. Tough ask. Tough to stop it all too.

Japanese has been a great distraction and I enjoy doing it, but I wonder if the constant schedule to keep to for reviews and the like, and the forever reaching towards improvement are causing a sort of burnout. Not the type where I want to quit, not at all, but still a sort of prolonged mental ā€œgotta get betterā€ that puts extra strain on already fragile mind. Gotta fix my crashing review accuracy (especially this last month or so), gotta fit in a good amount of practice per day, gotta do daily reviews, on and on.

Trying to chill a little now. Still a little afraid of the efficiency loss of dropping anki but itā€™s not off the table completely. Just going out enjoying some nice music. Shiina Ringo is the best. Havenā€™t even done that kinda thing in too long now. Watched a little Serial Experiments Lain, my favorite anime, yesterday while feeling nauseous and unable to eat all day for who knows what reason. First 2 episodes went well without subtitles but 3 was kinda hard. Maybe I shouldnā€™t be turning that into a Japanese learning thing cause then thereā€™s the struggle to do well but who knows. I do want to learn and I donā€™t actually know if the attitude is contributing or not. Every bit of this is only a guess.

Iā€™ve mentioned briefly before somewhere on the forums about wanting to make a videogame. Beyond simply existing and trying to minimize suffering, itā€™s like the one thing that calls out to me. One day Iā€™m going to do that. Not one that requires ā€œreal codingā€ cause ugh learning all that haha, but Iā€™ve really loved some RPG Maker games so I had my eyes on that, unpopular as the style usually is. I donā€™t need anyone to play it, just to make it. Now sure isnā€™t the time with this hand/arm/etc though, heh. If she ever has the free time, my fiancĆ©e is pretty great at art. I expect it to be a pretentious mess where I try too hard to be artsy or something, making this one project to try to propel some part of my messy mind onto a screen, but thatā€™s ok. The music will be especially bad when I take my complete lack of music knowledge and influence from people like the creator of Lisa and this wonderful cacophony. I expect to make that but without the good points, hahaha.

The game stuff doesnā€™t tie in well with the rest of what Iā€™ve written, but Iā€™m just kind of fully examining the nooks and crannies I find in my mind right now, trying to see if I turn up anything interesting and figure out how I can turn off the incessant alarm bell making my body perpetually freak out. Often, especially with recent efforts, I donā€™t even feel too consciously stressed outside of when Iā€™m having a particularly bothersome health thing hit me. But I guess it might just be the accumulated weight of 2 and a half years of no good times. :person_shrugging:

Seems typing all of this is about the limit of what I can do, having rested the rest of the day, before my hand flares up. Oww.

Thatā€™s a whole lot of words to say ā€œI am neuroticā€ but Iā€™m trying to be less so lmao.

ā€¦I reached the reality levels today! Those of you looking for big Japanese learning updates, there you go. Big accomplishments in here. :melting_face:

9 Likes
Summary

Just wanted to say right off the bat that a lot of this resonates, oof. Sorry for the length of this comment, and for making it a little bit about myself at times :sweat_smile:.

For a long time, I really wanted to become a published author to make a living. Still do, honestly! But Iā€™m increasingly unsure if Iā€™ll ever be able to make that happen because the more I learn about the publishing industry, the more at odds I feel with it, and I feel like the only way I could publish books ethically would be to self-publish them outside the Amazon ecosystem, and to make them incredibly accessible, which isnā€™t exactly a great recipe for making enough money to live on. I think itā€™s doable, but it would involve a lot of me forging my own path and hoping to get lucky.

Plus thereā€™s the fact that my (undiagnosed) ADHD has gotten substantially worse during the pandemic because I think the constant stress has eroded my coping mechanisms and all of that. So writing (fiction and nonfiction) has become hard for me in a way that it wasnā€™t before. I do want to get back to it, and hope that I can, but for now, Iā€™m a little bit in survival mode, so Iā€™m sort of just letting my hyperfixations rule my life without trying to fight it. This is great for me learning languages and watching wrestling, and is very bad for me doing pretty much any other hobby :sweat_smile:.

I ended up getting a masterā€™s in library science a few years ago for reasons that are a little complicated to explain (the immediate answer is ā€œbecause of Star Trek fanzinesā€ :sweat_smile:). Part of why I picked librarianship was because it was basically the only ā€œregularā€ job I could envision myself doing, if the whole writing thing didnā€™t work out. I ended up learning a bunch of other stuff in grad school and getting most of an MFA in book arts by taking a bunch of extra credits on top of my library classes, because ultimately Iā€™m someone who really, really loves making stuff, and I always gravitate toward learning new creative skills. Not really a great way to make a reliable living!

In any case, I completed my masterā€™s degree, moved back home to live with my parents while I tried to get a job at a local library, didnā€™t have much luck, and then the pandemic happened. Yeah. Great time to be trying to go into a field that required a lot of in-person work. I did manage to get a job, thanks to someone in the field taking pity on me (I had a masterā€™s degree with no job experience, which is a terrible combination if you want people to hire you).

My boss basically invented a position for me because she really wanted to hire someone with a degree, and itā€™s 16 hours a week. Iā€™ve found that this is about the sweet spot for me in terms of my ability to handle work without getting too burned out. I could probably do 20, but that is about my max. (My parents refer to my Japanese study and fan translation work as my second part time job, because truly between that and my real job, I easily work more than 40 hours a week :sweat_smile:)

Of course, I have zero benefits and no job security, butā€¦ I canā€™t really complain other than that. It would be a great set-up in a world where I didnā€™t have to worry about paying for rent, food, or healthcare (thankfully, as long as I live with my parents, Iā€™m largely covered, but thatā€™s not a situation that can last forever, for a multitude of reasons). But America is not that world. So Iā€™m trying to save all of the money that I can, and am trying to mentally prepare myself for the strong possibility of getting hired full time, which I am both wanting (for the sake of getting insurance plus an actual livable wage) and also dreading (because I truly donā€™t think I could handle the mental strain from that every single week, not to mention losing a substantial amount of time to do my hobbies and actually live my life).

And yeah, it sucks! Like I have it better than most, and it still sucks. What I really want is for the US to have universal healthcare along with some sort of universal basic income program that covers housing and food and such, so that I would have the ability to avoid having to work full time if I wanted to survive.

And honestly, actually working a real job and doing a bunch of volunteer and fan labor on the side has really revealed to me that the stuff society pays you for and the stuff that it doesnā€™t pay you for truly reflects neither the amount of work you actually put into something nor the societal benefit from that work. Like, starting in summer 2020, I started helping bring free food and supplies to migrant agriculture workers here during the picking season. Itā€™s hard, exhausting work to load up all of the food and distribute it and then pack up the remainder and leave. How much do I get paid for that? Literally nothing. When I first got my job, I got paid $160 in wages to sit through hours and hours of zoom meetings, then I went out and did several hours of hard labor in 90 degree weather to literally directly improve dozens of peopleā€™s life and got paid absolutely nothing. Really makes you question the value of work!

Iā€™m also someone who has been creating fanworks and doing other sorts of fan labor for well over a decade now. I studied fan culture in both undergrad and grad school because it is such a passion of mine. Iā€™ve written hundreds of thousands of words of fanfiction, which thousands upon thousands of people have read. Thatā€™s far more readers than any of my original fiction work has gotten, thatā€™s for sure! People have told me that my fics have made them laugh, or cry, or get through tough times, or find out something important about themselves, or just generally helped them in a myriad of ways.

At some point, it just occurred to me to wonder why do we as a society value the creation of original fiction so much more than fanfiction? I mean obviously the actual answer is that copyright law prevents fanfiction from having monetary value, but in terms of, like, art and the value of art as a thing in itself, there is no real distinction there. Fic authors invest so much time and love into their work, often as much or more than original fiction authors. And countless people are out there reading fic to get through hard times, just as theyā€™re reading original fiction to do the same. My work as a fic author has exactly the same value (in terms of what it offers to humanity, not monetary worth) as my original fiction work.

My fan translation work, too, and the gifs Iā€™ve made for wrestling shows. Even though Iā€™m technically doing work that benefits a company and gives them free promotion or whatever, I donā€™t want to get paid for that work. Thatā€™s not why Iā€™m doing it. Iā€™m doing it because it makes me happy and makes other people happy, too. I would love to live in a world where I could write my fics and translate wrestling stuff all day and not have to worry about having to get stuff done in order to make rent. I think that kind of work that I do has a tangible positive benefit for others, and it improves peopleā€™s lives.

And, yeah, just language learning in general is both a huge time suck and also something that is a pure net benefit for everyone! The more languages you speak, the more doors it opens in terms of cultural understanding and awareness. If we lived in a world that truly cared about the happiness and health of the global community and all of its inhabitants, people would be heavily encouraged and incentivized to learn languages.

Like, I think the amount of work youā€™re putting into Japanese is basically a full-time job. But because that work isnā€™t valued, you donā€™t earn a wage for doing it, and that makes it hard for many people to do it. If we had universal basic income, or something, I think lots of people would choose to spend their time doing stuff like learning languages, or making art (like video games as you mentioned). And the world as a whole would be better off, because all of that would create a more interesting and pleasant existence for the rest of us!

Not to, uh, go off about leftist stuff in the middle of your study log :sweat_smile:.

Getting back to the whole covid issue, yeah, I can relate to a lot of the mental strain aspects of the past few years, though I have been luckier as far as physical health goes. My health problems have been minor and seemingly covid-unrelatedā€¦ Mental health, though, yeah, thatā€™s a different story.

Itā€™s really tough living in a world where I canā€™t really see my friends. My local friends are basically internet friends to me now. I was already someone who spends a lot of time interacting with people online, but now itā€™s likeā€¦ itā€™s my whole world, basically. And I wasnā€™t fully prepared for the kind of mental toll that takes. It sucks because when the vaccines first came out, I thought we were on our way out of all of this, but then global vaccine inequality caught up to us, and wellā€¦ We as a world are in this one together, and the world just doesnā€™t seem to care about ever actually fixing it. And yeah, the climate catastrophe stuff is probably my longest running anxiety, and that certainly hasnā€™t been helped in recent years, either.

Regarding Japanese, I think maybe it would help to find some way to sort of let go of efficiency as the main goal? Let yourself watch anime with English subs on, and read stuff without mining new words, that sort of thing. Take some time to enjoy the language without turning it into more work for yourself. It definitely sounds like a good idea to put a pause on adding new flash cards, or at least slow down heavily. Youā€™ll get plenty of learning out of the stuff you already have in circulation, and youā€™ll also keep learning even if you use methods that arenā€™t perfectly optimized.

If typing and gaming and such are hard because of your wrist problems, I wonder if maybe practicing speaking would be easier? You could theoretically do that without even needing to look at a screen. I know youā€™re not especially interested in learning to speak the language, but it might be one possible avenue to explore that you could do without running into as many health obstacles.

I donā€™t know how much any of this helps, but I just wanted to send some solidarity your way. I keep hoping weā€™ll eventually be able to create a better world. The world keeps doing everything it can to test that hope, but I havenā€™t lost faith yet.

9 Likes
Response

Yeah I can relate to that a lot. Itā€™s a much more reasonable workload. My only jobs in the past have been retail type stuff, so the sort of work that is "low valueā€™ and also completely necessary to keep society functioning. Theyā€™ve also always been pretty much depression low points for me and when I was working full 40 hour weeks for a while it was just constantly overwhelming. Felt like I had absolutely no time at all to myself outside of it, either.

Iā€™ve done the same myself plenty at times in various other placesā€¦ not always to great results since this whole situation has made me increasingly irritable, heh. Really, not a ton I can directly add but it was nice to hear about your experience and I agree with everything you said. Copyright law should definitely not be as ridiculous as it is. I mean, really, I want art to be free for peopleā€™s enrichment, but there are a whole lot of steps that have to come first to not just starve the artists more haha.

Would like to agree that I havenā€™t lost faith, but I have to admit Iā€™ve seen very few positive signs and a whole lot of negative ones.

To some degree I guess thatā€™s a thing I was thinking about but forgot in my main post. The very concept of people likeā€¦ leading by their emotions. As in like, having faith or whatever because that is substantially more positive for potential outcomes and just oneā€™s mental wellbeing. At one point I had a talk with a friend kind of stall out when they were insisting about the practical benefit of more positive thinking vs my sort of ā€œI pretty much predicted the pandemic would be awful like this after the early months based on the research I did, and I was right where everyone else was saying itā€™d end in a few months.ā€ And the thing is, I donā€™t really have a counterargument for that, itā€™s justā€¦ the idea of emotions leading in itself is practically foreign to my entire experience as a human being. Like, I experience things, and then I react to them. Thatā€™s what an emotion is. I guess from its very core I have to learn how to actually direct my thoughts from desired emotions first, if that makes sense, heh.

5 Likes
some thoughts

I donā€™t think it sucks the passion out of the passion, but l definitely donā€™t want to do what I do at work as a hobby anymore. I still really like most of what I do at work and donā€™t mind taking the fun parts of work home for after hours, but I have more than one ā€œpassionā€ in my life. When I get free time I want to indulge in the things I donā€™t get to do at work. I think thereā€™s a related issue where people get disillusioned with their passion as a job situation, but thatā€™s a different issue altogether.

Do you really need to push yourself as hard on these things anymore? I could the merit in gritting your teeth if you were a student learning Japanese with the intention of moving and working there after graduation, but if this is your hobby I think youā€™re past the point of having to stress things like a beginner starting from scratch. I think the language forums are overzealous. They often idolize extreme anecdotes and put kids on a pedestal for their ā€œlearning abilityā€. An actual 8 year old has an incredibly limited vocabular, poor comprehension of complex topics, slow reading speedā€¦ it just gets refined a lot over the next decade of their lives chasing whatever catches their attention.

Stop and ask yourself what you really want to do. What is it that you really need to do to get there now? I hate to say this, but reading that quote above Iā€™d say itā€™s more likely you are in burn out and just havenā€™t accepted it yet.

I always thought they were unpopular, but they really arenā€™t. Maybe you donā€™t want to make an H-game where I see it all the freaking time, but Iā€™ve seen Korone play a bunch of theseā€¦ Iā€™m just going to call them kusoge at this pointā€¦ with default assets and still have a ton of laughs and fun. Example #1 and #2. I think a lot of people get hung up on having to make the next Hollow Knight or To The Moon, but really a good game is any game that makes the player have fun.

Same here! I finished my degree mid pandemic and my lease was expiring right in the lockdown. It was a horrifically stressful situation. Iā€™m glad you managed to get something working out.

Agree unfortunately. Itā€™s often not about whether or not something is valuable, but if the perception of value exists.

8 Likes
Summary

The bits about finding a job basically sum up my thoughts as someone who is likely going to need to enter the world of work soon. Looking at job listings etc is soul-draining. I enjoy computer science, but the industry seems awful for a worker. I want time to be able to do things I really like - things that donā€™t earn me money. And given how my dissertation went, I donā€™t think Iā€™m cut out for research and post-grad education. I honestly donā€™t know what to do. And despite my studying Japanese, I have no doubts that I wouldnā€™t want to work in Japan given what Iā€™ve heard of the expectations towards overtime etc. In any case, just know that youā€™re absolutely not alone with those sorts of feelings

7 Likes
ccookf

This has to be definitely prefaced by saying that everyone is an individual and nothing can be totally universally applied in these kinds of fields, but largely what I mean relates to the psychology studies and whatnot on how when people are compensated for doing a thing they enjoy, they very frequently engage in it less and report less satisfaction doing it. The brain pretty much automatically starts attributing their enjoyment to said compensation and away from the intrinsic enjoyment they found in the thing in the first place. Definitely not a guaranteed thing, and Iā€™m happy for you and donā€™t mean to doubt what youā€™re saying, just to expand on what Iā€™m trying to say. Iā€™d defend that the trend exists, but itā€™s of course a much more complicated topic.

The problem is, what I really want, is to be able to comfortably engage with the language for whatever media catches my attention at the time. The keyword being comfortable, which I think really does take this amount of grinding to achieve in anywhere near a reasonable amount of time. Itā€™s not that I donā€™t get enjoyment out of (at least some of) what Iā€™m doing along the way, but the closer it moves to a relaxing hobby the happier I get. Iā€™m at a level where, depending on the work, I CAN understand Japanese and thatā€™s really great progress! But those times do still involve a pretty significant amount of mental effort, are much slower than Iā€™d like, etc.

I totally agree with you on language forums for Japanese particularly and Iā€™ve had to make sure to catch myself having those dumb ā€œlanguage learning as competitionā€ type thoughts. Iā€™ve usually found that communities for more languages are a little more relaxed and sane than the Japanese specific ones, heh. The reason I cast doubt on my own burnout is this is hardly the first time feeling something like this but it can be very hard to tell how much might be added stress from trying too hard with Japanese, and how much might be outside stress making what I do with Japanese temporarily too hard.

I donā€™t mean to actually argue against the idea! Itā€™s very possible youā€™re right. Just trying to get my full spread of thoughts on it out there. I do very much like using the language so I genuinely would not totally stop regardless. That would irritate me more. I know that comfort at this stage is unrealistic to ask for so Iā€™m not frustrated by my speed at all, either. Itā€™s to be expected. I just will be happier with my time spent as I get closer and closer to that, so I have to find the balance that works to keep making good progress, I think? :person_shrugging:

Haha, those look great. I was thinking a little more of the possibilities in relation to games like Lisa and Omori, but those have their charm.

VikingSchism

Oh yeah, it seems rough. I kinda went to college by default cause I was told that was the thing you had to do. After a few false starts ended up falling back on psychology as a sort of ā€œehh this looks tolerable enoughā€ and got a BS in that without really understanding until the end how meaningless that is without going on to grad school, when I wanted school to end more than anything by that time haha. Just been doing my best to get by since then :melting_face: . Agreed on Japan too, scary work culture. And when someone from the US thinks another work culture is scaryā€¦ wellā€¦ :melting_face:

6 Likes

Alright well itā€™s been a little while. How are things? I dunno, dealing with accumulated life problems is a very long term project, yā€™know? I just had a miserable day of despair over my persistent arm pain, but I want to say in the wider view, things are less bad than before. Inch by inch figuring out how to have mental health, continuing all of my many exercises (both physical and mental) for my health problems, probably managing to have fewer, shorter term bad times? Weā€™re gonna go with that, if for no reason other than the only way to make this stuff work has to involve thinking it will work. :upside_down_face:

Japanese has been alright though! Struggling with listening some recently, feeling like I can never understand enough, but Iā€™m keeping up the amount I do quite well (both reading and listening). Really getting back to wanting to do it and feeling no strain at all in relation to language learning itself. Japanese is fun. Iā€™m fairly convinced the only problem has ever been that general stress spills over when I have daily ā€œobligationsā€ related to learning. Hard to quantify any progress but thatā€™s just how the weird intermediate zone Iā€™m in is gonna be. Itā€™s also been very nice how much people seem to be enjoying the VN club, and introducing the medium to some of them.

Since this is partially the Daisoujou life update thread at this point, might as well throw this out there: getting married in under a week :partying_face:. Just a little courthouse thing, not one for spending money on big ceremonies, but hey. Thatā€™s a large life event. I have joked about it in the past with my fiancĆ©e, and soon it will be real: I will have to plan doing my Anki and Wanikani reviews on the day of my wedding. :wink:

12 Likes

This really is the trick, isnā€™t it? :sweat_smile:. I translate wrestlers saying é ‘å¼µć‚Šć¾ć™! to hype themselves up all the time, and eventually it does always work out for them. I tell myself that when Iā€™m pulling long hours working on my translations, or when something else in my life is making me feel discouraged about studying, and somehow, I do always manage to pull through in the end.

Iā€™m really glad to hear that things are less bad than before! I hope they continue to improve.

Thatā€™s awesome, congratulations!! :tada:

I think I remember you talking about worrying about your fiancĆ©e not being able to stay in the country, so hopefully this will make that easier? And doing your reviews on the day of your wedding, haha, I havenā€™t had anything quite that big happen in my life since I started studying, but I completely understand! Iā€™m glad your fiancĆ©e also understands :blush:. I think anyone has to respect your dedication at the very least!

7 Likes

Yeah! We recently finally managed to consult with the immigration lawyer to get that process started. I suppose it was my own misunderstanding of the rules (Iā€™ve also gotten things Iā€™ve read about US immigration vs Canadian all mashed together in my head now ā€“ a big part of why we arenā€™t going with Canada is how much more strict they are), but it seems that while the whole thing is likely to take a few years to finalize, pretty early into the process she should be approved to stay up through that point on a tentative basis.

Dedication, or fear! I donā€™t want to see what a multiple day pileup looks like :wink:

Anyway, thanks!

8 Likes

Congratulations on the marriage! And Iā€™m glad to hear that things seem to be less bad than before. I hope things continue to improve for you!

Funny coincidences, that we both are dealing with immigration. :joy: My fiancee and I have made the decision to move from Canada to the US, to be with family, at least for a time, so weā€™ve started the steps to get her into the US (I have both US and Canadian citizenship thanks to my dad). The lawyer makes things easier, for sure, eh?

6 Likes

Terribly expensive, but absolutely, wouldnā€™t want to be doing this on my own. Though thereā€™s so much stuff we have to provide her and the like that we really didnā€™t get out of doing work, heh. Best of luck to you too!

6 Likes

While I canā€™t relate to this, Iā€™m not looking forward to the upcoming release of Splatoon 3; I had to stop playing Splatoon 2 due to RSI =(

Well, technically I can play it, so long as I avoid the weapons that you have to keep pressing the button to use (such as the brush).

I think I saw thereā€™s a new ā€œkeep pressing the buttonā€ weapon, so Iā€™ll probably give it a try for a bit, then go back to my tried and true ā€œhold the buttonā€ weapons.

(Actually, spending more time on learning Japanese ate into my Splatoon 2 time in the long run.)

If you did want to spend money on a big ceremony, my recommendation to people is to skip the big wedding ceremony and instead put the money aside for a big 10th-anniversary celebration. (Then if the marriage doesnā€™t work out, you donā€™t feel so bad because you have half of that money freed up for other things :wink: )

6 Likes

This is very hard to quantify, but Iā€™m so glad it seems that way. I certainly know that I only truly noticed such things when Iā€™ve progressed some down the path of getting better. Then suddenly I look back and realize ā€œwait what?ā€, when did I start getting through these so much easier and quicker?

So glad is going better. :smiley:

Iā€™m very grateful. It came at just the right time for me to jump in and Iā€™m enjoying the ride even if it is a bit more unknown vocab than I would typically go for. ^^ But that is why doing it as a club is so good (and knowing it is fairly short (for the medium)), because it pushes me to keep going anyway.

Congratulations! :confetti_ball: :tada:

If/when I get married, I might not have a big ceremony. But Iā€™d probably have a big party around that time, if nothing else to have an excuse to bring my family and friends all together so I can see them all. ^^ But it would probably be a pretty casual affair as wedding parties go.

I hope the immigration thing goes well. I know how nerve wrecking it was to get my 1-year student visa to Japan and that is probably magnitudes easier still than permanently immigrating.

7 Likes

Aww thatā€™s really unfortunate. Iā€™ve had the same fears about Splatoon myself ā€“ my first attempt to retry 2 I felt awful but that was a stressful day anyway. So far it seems doable? I hope you find a way to make it work, Iā€™ve seen how awful the potential of becoming unable to do the things you enjoy is.

My problem is somewhere under the wider umbrella of RSIā€¦ my guess is a myofascial pain thing. Yours sounds a little more finger-related, but personally mine comes from arm positions. Using the mouse is the worst. And itā€™s localized as mostly wrist and hand pain but Iā€™m fairly convinced itā€™s coming all the way from the shoulder, cause what aggravates it most is moving the arm certain ways. Shoulder has new really hard popping/cracking/etc as well and occasionally the pain lands there. I have read more research on this stuff than I ever wanted to in the last few months and have a pretty well developed regimen now of regular upper body focused yoga, some eccentric exercises to strengthen the arm (and a bit for the wrist, to hedge my bets), better ergonomics and much more focus on fixing my awful posture, general exercise increase for blood flow, applying chronic pain treatment to handle it mentally, and on and on. Being in pain is so much work!

I relate to this a lot, in the opposite direction: if anything manages to stall me out in Japanese, itā€™s going to be Splatoon 3, haha.

Hahaha, not a bad idea. With all the immigration and whatnot involved the stakes are higher than usual for us! But weā€™ve been dating in some capacity for like a decade now and living together forā€¦ 5 years? More? So as much as it is nice itā€™s kind of just an official status change cause weā€™re so used to living together.

That does sound nice! I think weā€™re having a low key thing with some of my immediate family, but thatā€™s the other thing when it comes to going for a larger wedding, we just donā€™t have that many people to invite. My family Iā€™m in touch with at this point is pretty small, hers mostly canā€™t manage to travel outside Canada, and my friends (of whom I mostly had a few close ones rather than quantity, heh) scattered out in so many directions it would be hard to drag them in, too.

7 Likes

Honestly this is pretty true for me too. So not sure it would be that big a party. :joy:

But I might just use the fact that people are willing to travel for weddings to get as many as possible to come. (Obviously I wonā€™t obligate anyone! But just as Iā€™d be willing to travel for a wedding, Iā€™d hope that my friends/family would do the same for me (if they can). :slight_smile: )

3 Likes

Congrats on your marriage!

3 Likes