(The increasingly less) Daily senryu thread

そうかいに おきめざましの こしょうしる

4-5-4 attempt:

Awoke, refreshed!
Then noticed: alarm
had malfunctioned

Interestingly, nowadays I tend to wake up just before the alarm rings. Whatever the time. Rather strange, this premonition of alarm about to ring. Luckily, I don’t have the alarm on most days…

I seem to have (subconsciously) captured that by changing the tense in which it is written… present continuous in Japanese vs. past in my translation.

Yes, but, the daily load of admin work you do ain’t a walk in the park… :wink: Said with appreciation, of course.

3 Likes

Changing it to past tense does seem to work a little better. Though, I think @LaVieQ’s translation still doesn’t necessarily convey that waking up refreshed was why they realized the alarm had malfunctioned. The “then” sort of separates the two actions of waking up and realizing.

I ended up attempting another translation. I thought maybe a semicolon did a better job with connecting the two actions than “and” (and without completely rearranging the sentence).

woke up refreshed;
realized my alarm
had malfunctioned

3 Likes

I like that version best so far. Let’s see what people come up overnight (my time).

1 Like

爽快に起き目覚ましの故障知る

そうかいにおきめざましのこしょうしる

wake up refreshed
only to realize:
alarm clock’s broken!

My attempt! Yesterday I completely forgot about syllables in my eagerness to contribute, so now have this 4/5/4 (if you’re being generous with syllables).

also i’m not actually from New Zealand, it’s just a nickname :sweat_smile:

3 Likes

Mmm, I agree. I did think about a different middle line for mine, like:

wake up feeling great / that’s how you know your / alarm clock’s broken

which captures that aspect more explicitly.

4 Likes

Wednesday, June 29, 2022


Previous senryu

  1. 爽快に起き目覚ましの故障知る
    そうかいに・おきめざましの・こしょうしる
    woke up refreshed; / realized my alarm / had malfunctioned

Notes:

Current senryu challenge

Volume: Husbands

  1. いい家内10年経ったらおっ家内

This one’s great! Sounds like a dad joke I might make. :smile:

This time the competition may be figuring out the reading more than the interpretation (not to mention figuring out how to express it in English!).

Forgot to add this definition which will help: おっかない


Remember to please use the spoiler tag with your translation attempts! Also, please include the reading in kana with your submission.

Everyone is encouraged to participate, no matter your level!

Online tools like dictionaries, sentence databases, and even AI translation engines are fair game and can be extremely helpful. Yomichan is particularly handy if you use the Chrome or Firefox browser. The 語源(ごげん)由来(ゆらい)辞典(じてん) is also an excellent resource for researching the etymology of various words and expressions.

Here are the links to the 356 Japanese originals (spoiler free) and to the the spreadsheet with all the upcoming senryu as well as the translations to date.

3 Likes

いいかない じゅうねんたったら おっかない

A rather loose translation for the sake of trying to fit in a similar wordplay, though it’s not as good as the original’s:

wed your soul mate? / after ten years it’s / more like checkmate

4 Likes

That’s pretty good. I didn’t think there was any way to get even close to translating the pun.

We’ll see if anyone comes up with anything better, but I’d just assumed we’d have to use the Japanese words without translation (explaining the joke in the notes).

1 Like

いいかない じゅうねんさったら おっかない

3-5-3 version:

“My fine wife!”
But ten years on, it’s
“Owww! The wife!”

3 Likes

That’s a great translation, as opposed to transliteration.

Nice!

Your version prompted me to think of these alternate wordplay-based last lines for it:

My effin’ wife!

or

Effin’ wife!

depending on whether you prefer the parallelism with line one or to keep the syllable count.

Thursday, June 30, 2022


Previous senryu

  1. いい家内10年経ったらおっ家内
    いいかない じゅうねんさったら おっかない
    wed your soul mate? / after ten years it’s / more like checkmate

Notes:

  • :confetti_ball: to @pm215

  • As @LaVieQ said, this is a great translation as opposed to mere transliteration. It takes significant creativity to translate puns since they depend on sounds in the original language. @pm215 has pulled it off admirably here, so I’ve allowed significant deviation from a more “direct” translation. Well done.

  • 家内(かない) is a normal, humble word for “wife” with no hidden baggage. Despite it seeming politically incorrect from western viewpoints, it isn’t in Japan (my wife assures me it actually has nuances of “the one who rules my home”).

  • おっかない is a very old word (dating back to the 1600s) that means frightening or scary. This site says that it is a 関東(かんとう) word used like the 関西(かんさい) equivalent, 「こわい」.

  • おっ家内 is therefore a pun, not a real word. A direct translation would be the joke that after ten years your かない (wife) turns into おっかない (something powerful and scary).

  • This one gets a star in the previous translation list!

Current senryu challenge

Volume: Corona

  1. 抱き上げた 孫が一言 密ですよ

No hints, I’m afraid. Once again I can read every word, but I’m completely mystified regarding the meaning for the moment. Direct translations are still preferred, but meaning notes must be included with your submissions! :smile:

Okay, this one is a real spoiler. Frankly, I cheated! I just googled the entire senryu to see if anyone else was as confused as me. What was the single word?

I discovered this one came in 10th place in the 2021 salaryman senryu competition, submitted by “White Crow” (a 60 year old male).

After carefully deciphering the description with many unfamiliar words describing the feelings evoked (e.g. ほろ苦い or bittersweet), I was left just as bewildered. Then my eyes finally focused on the image that had become completely invisible as I read the words:

Screen Shot 2022-06-30 at 11.10.57 AM

I think the word was 「マスク」

Edit: Nope. See the reply from @Myria below.


Remember to please use the spoiler tag with your translation attempts! Also, please include the reading in kana with your submission.

Everyone is encouraged to participate, no matter your level!

Online tools like dictionaries, sentence databases, and even AI translation engines are fair game and can be extremely helpful. Yomichan is particularly handy if you use the Chrome or Firefox browser. The 語源(ごげん)由来(ゆらい)辞典(じてん) is also an excellent resource for researching the etymology of various words and expressions.

Here are the links to the 356 Japanese originals (spoiler free) and to the the spreadsheet with all the upcoming senryu as well as the translations to date.

3 Likes

It’s in the 川柳: The word is 「密ですよ

ご参考までに:https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5H5TejYDkTQ
She’s become somewhat of a meme for this phrase: 密です

3 Likes

Oh my! lol

I’d just assumed that (みつ) was the “secret” connotation . In my defense, I’ve not been to Japan since February of 2020 (right after the plague started). I didn’t even know of the “dense, thick, crowded” connotation, much less the Corona usage.

TIL

Thanks!

(Still laughing after watching the video. 7M views! Politicians are universally entertaining.)

3 Likes

We have sufficient explanations above if anyone is still struggling.

Still waiting for the first submission. It’s become an exercise in English!

I’ll accept turning 一言(ひとこと) into “two words” if it helps. :laughing:

3 Likes

Translation Attempt

だきあげたまごがひとことみつですよ

Picked up my grandson,
“Two words, gramps”
“Social distancing”

Translation notes

  • I will be accepting the concession for “two words” for 一言 :joy:
  • Honestly, I think this が is “but”
  • I added “gramps” for emphasis to cover the meaning implied in よ, but it may be a stretch to have it as a direct quote
3 Likes

Friday, July 1, 2022


Previous senryu

  1. 抱き上げた 孫が一言 密ですよ
    だきあげた・まごがひとごと・みつですよ
    Grandson’s two words / when boosted aloft: / “social distance”

Notes:

  • No confetti balls today due to no submissions. You’ll have to suffer with my loose interpretation. I don’t think there’s a single word in English that works. (Note that 一言 can also mean “a few words,” though, not just “a (single) word.”

  • :trophy: to @Myria for explaining this one to me! I only knew 密 from 秘密(ひみつ) but it’s also an adjective that can mean “dense/thick/crowded” (as here), “close / intimate”, or even “minute / fine” as well as “secret”. As @Myria points out, the current governor of Tokyo is fond of the word.

Current senryu challenge

Volume: Intense

  1. 「テレビ欄号泣とある生放送」

This one is hard. I don’t understand it yet (and had to look up a couple words). I could figure out what 生放送 meant, but didn’t realize that it was phrased that way (exactly the same as English!)


Remember to please use the spoiler tag with your translation attempts! Also, please include the reading in kana with your submission.

Everyone is encouraged to participate, no matter your level!

Online tools like dictionaries, sentence databases, and even AI translation engines are fair game and can be extremely helpful. Yomichan is particularly handy if you use the Chrome or Firefox browser. The 語源(ごげん)由来(ゆらい)辞典(じてん) is also an excellent resource for researching the etymology of various words and expressions.

Here are the links to the 356 Japanese originals (spoiler free) and to the the spreadsheet with all the upcoming senryu as well as the translations to date.

2 Likes

Doh!

I should have waited 10 more minutes. I didn’t notice you were posting as I was editing!

1 Like

Isn’t it just 「(まご)()うた」?

I like “Gramps,” and as I mentioned the “two words” thing isn’t really a cheat (it can apparently mean “a few words”). A 5-3-5 is interesting, too, but I’ll stick with my 4-5-4 (mainly so I can be lazy and avoid editing today’s message).

Nah no worries. Had some time to kill waiting for my carpool and saw there wasn’t an entry yet. :wink:

Ah yeah, that’s better.

2 Likes