(The increasingly less) Daily senryu thread

Friday, June 17, 2022


Previous senryu

  1. 思いやり思い上がりと紙一重
    おもいやり・おもいあがりと・かみひとえ
    Thoughtfulness is / a paper-thin step / from presumption

Notes:

  • :trophy: to LaVieQ for a nice poetic interpretation
  • I went with my own translation as I think it’s most faithful to the original Japanese: “paper-thin (step)” vs “fine line”, and I think “thoughtfulness/presumption” are closer than “sympathy/conceit” in this context (though that’s quite subjective).
  • I find it interesting that at first glance (at least to this native English speaker), 一重(ひとえ) seems to have a different connotation here than in 63. 「目は一重アゴ二重に腹は三重」. If you think about it though, it’s really not. It’s just that “one layer” (or “one layer thick”) is applied to different objects (paper and eyes, respectively). I was familiar with the eye usage, but this was a new one for me.

Current senryu challenge

Volume: Heartfelt (しみじみ編)

  1. 恋人のモーニングコール起きて待つ

Wowza. Yet another connotation for しみじみ <blushes>. Easy to read, though (no character beyond level 17).


Remember to please use the spoiler tag with your translation attempts! Also, please include the reading in kana with your submission.

Everyone is encouraged to participate, no matter your level!

Online tools like dictionaries, sentence databases, and even AI translation engines are fair game and can be extremely helpful. Yomichan is particularly handy if you use the Chrome or Firefox browser. The 語源(ごげん)由来(ゆらい)辞典(じてん) is also an excellent resource for researching the etymology of various words and expressions.

Here are the links to the 356 Japanese originals (spoiler free) and to the the spreadsheet with all the upcoming senryu as well as the translations to date.

1 Like

こいびとの モーニングコール おきてまつ (5-8-5)

3-4-3 translation:

Wake up to
wait for my love’s
wake up call

This one was easy after I learned that “morning call” = “wake up call” - didn’t know that until now.
The first translation that came to mind was: Wake up to / wait for my love’s / moaning call. :slight_smile: The kinda call that I’d like to be woken up to. And the translation reads way better than the original. :grin:

I’m traveling for the next 3 days - will resume once I’m back next Tuesday. Y’all have fun.

4 Likes

I hope it’s a pleasure trip.

Thanks for the submission and talk to you in a few days!

I knew what a “morning call” was in katakana-go — “moaning call” didn’t even occur to me!

Even so, I think the connotation is similar. :smile:

1 Like

恋人のモーニングコール起きて待つ

Kana:

こいびとのモーニングコールおきてまつ

Translation attempt:

Waiting for
My lover’s call
On waking

1 Like

Once again I’m going to take a day to submit a poll (and once again I’m sneaking my own submission in at the end).

Which is your favorite? [Please don’t be shy — anyone viewing this thread is welcome to vote.]

恋人のモーニングコール起きて待つ
  • Wake up to / wait for my love’s / wake up call (LaVieQ)
  • Waiting for / My lover’s call / On waking (valvictorine)
  • Awake but / still awaiting my / love’s wake-up (Rrwrex)

0 voters

Coming in late with a submission :sweat_smile:

恋人(こいびと)のモーニングコール()きて()

waiting to
wake up to my love’s
wake-up call

I ended up googling 起きて待つ to see if it was a set expression I was unaware of, and I was amused to find this book on cat-related expressions in English. Here, it’s translated as “wait up for”.

As far as interpretations go, the sense I got from it is that instead of setting an alarm or something, the person is letting their lover be their morning alarm, so it’s not actually morning until their lover has woken them up.

Also, I’ve been a little busy, so I missed this one:

I just wanted to comment that 紙一重 is actually another word that I learned from wrestling, haha. It was used in a wrestling promo that I translated a couple months ago, and has been bouncing around a bit in Anki for me because the reading is a little tricky :sweat_smile:. I did, in fact, manage to read it correctly in the senryu, though, so I guess my practice is counting for something!

3 Likes

Sunday, June 19, 2022

Well, so much for using a poll to help make my decision easier!


Previous senryu

  1. 恋人のモーニングコール起きて待つ
    こいびとの・モーニングコール・おきてまつ
    Awake but / waiting for my love’s / call to rise

Notes:

  • :confetti_ball: to @LaVieQ, @valvictorine, @fallynleaf
  • As punishment for not naming a clear winner, I created a new entry.
  • The alliteration and repetition of the word (or partial word) “wake” started to grate, so I opted to avoid the direct translation of “wake-up call”.

Current senryu challenge

Volume: Salaryman

  1. 久しぶり 定時帰宅に 笑顔なし!

It’s starting to amaze me how many of these recent ones I can read without a dictionary now. Daily reading practice, even just 17 (おん) per day really seems to pay off.

No hints because all of these are pretty common words and taught on Wanikani. (ひさし)しぶり ([after a] long time) is the most advanced from level 34.

While I understand all the words, it doesn’t mean I necessarily understand the intended meaning. I can think of at least a couple different interpretations.


Remember to please use the spoiler tag with your translation attempts! Also, please include the reading in kana with your submission.

Everyone is encouraged to participate, no matter your level!

Online tools like dictionaries, sentence databases, and even AI translation engines are fair game and can be extremely helpful. Yomichan is particularly handy if you use the Chrome or Firefox browser. The 語源(ごげん)由来(ゆらい)辞典(じてん) is also an excellent resource for researching the etymology of various words and expressions.

Here are the links to the 356 Japanese originals (spoiler free) and to the the spreadsheet with all the upcoming senryu as well as the translations to date.

1 Like

Hiragana

ひさしぶり ていじきたくに えがおなし!

Translation notes/ discussion.

This first is a direct translation because poetry hard.
Long time no see, going home on time, without a smile.

or

It’s been a long time since I’ve come home on time to no smile.

I believe the one without a smile is the author due to the origins being in Salaryman, but I can’t shake the feeling maybe the person waiting for the salaryman isn’t happy he’s back home on time.

So essentially if no one’s waiting for him to come home, then he’s not happy to be leaving on time. This one is tricky…

Since time zones are a thing, I will post this attempt following the salaryman is not happy to be coming home on time.

Attempt

been a while
since I’ve gone home
on time, no smile!

2 Likes

Just a couple thoughts, the first I’m certain of, the second less so:

  1. 久しぶり (without the 「〜ですね!」) doesn’t always mean “long time no see”. Exactly as in your final submission, it can also be「久しぶりに〜」meaning a long time since doing something or since something has happened (not necessarily just meeting or seeing someone).

  2. Another possible interpretation of 笑顔なし is that he’s trying to hide a smile. My initial thought is the salaryman author is hiding the smile from their boss or co-workers. The old salaryman trope is that the boss can’t leave until all their reports have gone home, and that everyone has to give their all to the company.

1 Like

Ohhhh number two makes more sense now, of couse he’d be happy to go home on time, and the exclaimation point hammers that point in. With this in mind I’ll give it another crack…

It has been so long
since I have gone home on time.
I’m not smiling!

I’m not happy with it, but poetry isn’t my strong suit. Just happy to translate

2 Likes

I actually had the same interpretation as @superelf94 :woman_shrugging:t3:
His wife is waiting at home, but surprisingly she‘s not over the moon that he‘s home so early.
It’s also a thing in Japan that wives divorce their husbands after they retire, because before retirement the wives could just do as they please (and even if they didn’t really like their husband they wouldn’t see them much) but now their husbands are around which is of course annoying so they get divorced.
I think this is the direction the 川柳 is aiming at. (Not divorce or anything, but „wife is actually happy to spend her time alone and the husband is 邪魔 sometimes“)

2 Likes

久しぶり 定時帰宅に 笑顔なし!

It’s hard to choose between the boomer stereotypes but

I thought the same as Myria and superelf94, the family is not happy to see him.

his wife just wants to be alone, and he his out of touch with his children that he never see anyway. Seems to be a common theme that the dad is always isolated, working endlessly.

Going for 4-5-4

Finally could
go back home on time
Nobody smile!

2 Likes

I wasn’t going to attempt this one because the subject matter wasn’t terribly compelling to me, but after reading the discussion, I couldn’t resist a more tongue-in-cheek translation (as opposed to a literal one) :sweat_smile:.

(ひさ)しぶり 定時(ていじ)帰宅(きたく)笑顔(えがお)なし!

“hello, honey!
you’re home early!” said
without smiling

3 Likes

Monday, June 20, 2022


Previous senryu

  1. 久しぶり 定時帰宅に 笑顔なし!
    久しぶり・ていじきたくに・えがおなし!
    been a while / since I’ve gone home / on time, no smile!

Notes:

  • :confetti_ball: to @superelf94
  • I tend to agree with everyone, I think it probably is the wife without a smile. :smile: My previous comment with the other interpretation (that I was not certain of) was just my initial thought.
  • It is still possible to interpret it as the author trying to hide a smile, though. The に unfortunately doesn’t help to clarify who is not smiling at leaving on time.

Current senryu challenge

Volume: Intense

  1. うますぎる話見抜けぬ欲の皮

Once again I’m amazed at actually being able to (s-l-o-w-l-y) read another one without a dictionary, while still having absolutely no idea what’s going on!

Here’s how I parse it, but I’m still struggling with the real meaning (as always, mistakes are likely below, but you may not want to look until after you’ve tried your hand at it).

  • うますぎる(はなし) — Conversation/saying that’s just too good
  • 見抜(みぬ)けぬ(よく) — Impenetrable/unclear/not-transparent (?) wants/desires

So l suspect the meaning is something like “clever talk is the skin covering hidden desires” but I’m still completely unsure if that’s even close or if that even makes a lick of sense!


Remember to please use the spoiler tag with your translation attempts! Also, please include the reading in kana with your submission.

Everyone is encouraged to participate, no matter your level!

Online tools like dictionaries, sentence databases, and even AI translation engines are fair game and can be extremely helpful. Yomichan is particularly handy if you use the Chrome or Firefox browser. The 語源(ごげん)由来(ゆらい)辞典(じてん) is also an excellent resource for researching the etymology of various words and expressions.

Here are the links to the 356 Japanese originals (spoiler free) and to the the spreadsheet with all the upcoming senryu as well as the translations to date.

3 Likes

Had a spare moment, and thought I’d drop by! So glad I did, since this includes a new expression for me. I’m excited to see how everyone else interprets this poem.

Also I find ぬ to be especially fun,

since I accidentally learned it really early in my language journey. We’re talking です、ます、and ぬ - the point where I used to think it was as common as ない.

うますぎるはなし / みぬけぬ / よくのかわ

a story
too good to be true
conceals greed

The perspective of my interpretation:

Ideally, I wanted to express that you “aren’t able to see the greed of the other party, when being told something that’s too good to be true”.

2 Likes

Translation Attempt

うますぎる 話見抜けぬ 欲の皮
うますぎる はなしみぬけぬ よくのかわ

#1

Too good to be true
But where is the catch?
I‘m getting greedy

#2

Too good to be true
I can’t figure out the trick
Gonna get greedy

I didn’t know how to approach this at first, but @Axazel‘s interpretation helped me figure it out! I went reading a bit about the expression 欲の皮が引っ張る, and to me it seems like it’s describing the feelings of the author: he can“t seem to figure out the trick of this deal, so he“s getting greedy because there might actually be no catch. Happy to be corrected though :slightly_smiling_face:

2 Likes

Wow!

How did you find or know to look for 欲の皮が引っ張る? I’m learning so much about how to research in this thread it’s amazing, but that was a serious leap — any tips will be more than appreciated.

I couldn’t find that exact phrase, but did find

  • (よく)(かわ)()()る (you are greedy as you can be) and

  • (よく)(かわ)()る (to be greedy)

Both were completely new phrases to me.

This one is really hard! I’m amazed that you and @Axazel figured this much out. I was completely stumped.

1 Like

Yes, that’s the one I meant! :woman_facepalming:t3:

欲の皮 just sounds like a proverb, 見抜けぬ欲 doesn’t make much sense and a random trailing の皮 also doesn’t make much sense, so I figured that must be the expression. :sweat_smile:

5 Likes

Tuesday, June 21, 2022


Previous senryu

  1. うますぎる話見抜けぬ欲の皮
    うますぎる・はなしみぬけぬ・よくのかわ
    a story / too good to be true / conceals greed

Notes:

  • :confetti_ball: to @Axazel and @Myria
  • TIL what “clever talk is the skin covering hidden desires” means (laugh).
  • The key to understanding this one is the expression 「 (よく)(かわ)()る」 which means “to be greedy” (a new one for me). What an odd way to express that!

Current senryu challenge

Volume: Heartfelt (しみじみ編)

  1. 「この人と渋茶すすっている不思議」

Again with the easy to read but mysterious meaning! I even guessed the reading of 渋茶(しぶちゃ) correctly (the meaning was obvious).

I’m pretty sure that this one will remain mysterious in English, though. The winner will likely hinge on which specific English word is chosen for 不思議(ふしぎ).


Remember to please use the spoiler tag with your translation attempts! Also, please include the reading in kana with your submission.

Everyone is encouraged to participate, no matter your level!

Online tools like dictionaries, sentence databases, and even AI translation engines are fair game and can be extremely helpful. Yomichan is particularly handy if you use the Chrome or Firefox browser. The 語源(ごげん)由来(ゆらい)辞典(じてん) is also an excellent resource for researching the etymology of various words and expressions.

Here are the links to the 356 Japanese originals (spoiler free) and to the the spreadsheet with all the upcoming senryu as well as the translations to date.

2 Likes

Another good day means writing another poem with you all :relieved: I think this one has a complex feeling that’s hard to capture in English…. but I like what I’ve come up with!

このひとと / しぶちゃすすっている / ふしぎ

with this person
sipping bitter tea
is something else

3 Likes