(The increasingly less) Daily senryu thread

Didn’t know that variation in meaning. Further, it seems that getting up from a chair can be a nuanced act: 「席を立つ」と「席を外す」と「席を離れる」の違い

Volume: Heartfelt

    しみじみと妻のイビキを聞いている

しみじみとつまのイビキをきいている

4-5-4 attempt:

Alert, I hear / the deep drawn breaths of / my snoring wife

Is this a situation where the shoe is on the other foot? (i.e. the author is listening to his wife snoring with a vengeful satisfaction? :upside_down_face:) If so, it’d be better served by the longer 5-7-5 version below:

Alert, I listen / to the labored breathing of / my wife as she snores

2 Likes

It’s this specific usage of 「席を立つ」, I think:

2つ目は「参加している場の座席からいなくなること」という意味で、席から立ち上がるだけではなく、その場を去ることです。

(Yesterday’s so no spoiler.) They were “participating” in calming/cuddling the baby, then got up and left when it started crying.

1 Like

Yeah, I hadn’t heard of that one, either, but to me, the word fits the pattern of a person inhaling and exhaling, so that was my first thought :sweat_smile:.

I think you might be on the right track with と and adverbs, though! Especially if that is an established meaning of the word.

1 Like

I can imagine it! If it’s not “officially” a thing, I wanna make しみじみ snoring a thing haha

1 Like

My mother-in-law uses と this way all the time. I wonder if it’s a kansai-ben thing.

Wednesday, May 25, 2022


Previous senryu

  1. しみじみと妻のイビキを聞いている
    しみじみと・つまのイビキを・きいている
    I’m listening, / keenly attentive / — my wife’s snoring

Notes:

  • :confetti_ball: to Axazel with “my whole heart / absorbed in the sound of my / wife snoring”. This felt the most poetic to me.
  • But I decided to go with my own because of the grading rules (in the top post): it’s a 4-5-4 and doesn’t introduce any words other than “I’m” and “my” (but English phrases usually need subjects!). I also like that it leaves the reason for the “keenly attentive listening” (しみじみと聞いている) open to the reader’s interpretation.

REQUEST

Multiple submissions are fine, but please don’t put them in same reply. I still count “likes” when deciding winners winners and if there are multiple submissions in a reply, I don’t know which one is being liked. Multiple replies are fine (even if Discourse might encourage you to combine them).


Current senryu challenge

Volume: Global Truths

  1. こんなおれでもこの世ではオンリーワン

This one proves that it’s not the kanji that make these tricky to interpret!

My thought (hardly a “hint” because I have very little confidence in my interpretation, but you may want to work on your own interpretation before revealing this, regardless):

I think the author just did something silly/stupid/embarassing. 「こんな!」is an exclamation I’ve heard for something that seems stupid or annoying. So I think this is basically about being the only person on earth who could do something so stupid. I’m slightly puzzled by the でも, however.

Remember to please use the spoiler tag with your translation attempts! Also, please include the reading in kana with your submission.


Everyone is encouraged to participate, no matter your level!

Online tools like dictionaries, sentence databases, and even AI translation engines are fair game and can be extremely helpful. Yomichan is particularly handy if you use the Chrome or Firefox browser.

Here are the links to the 356 Japanese originals (spoiler free) and to the the spreadsheet with all the upcoming senryu as well as the translations to date.

2 Likes

こんなおれでもこのよではオンリーワン
4-5-4 version
No one am I, /
yet, in this world, the /
only one “me”

The ワン reminded me of the first time I encountered a ワンマン sign on a train in Kyoto and couldn’t figure out on the map where the station for ワンマン was. So, I asked the conductor 「ワンマンはどこでしょうか」 and he explained: 「ワンマンは私だけですから…」 We both had a laugh over it and, after I got out the station exit, proceeded to facepalm myself. :grimacing:

4 Likes

Yay, another Kansai aficionado.

For those wondering: a ワンマン train only has a (single) driver. Most have at least two conductors in both the front and rear of the train to ensure passengers get on and off safely as well as physically driving the train. Why they chose to use the English words is anyone’s guess.

From a pure safety standpoint, Japanese trains are an absolute marvel. It’s unbelievable how few people are hurt by trains (or crowded stations) every year.

Interesting! You were probably wise not to read (or to ignore!) my thoughts on it being related to a mistake. I’m still leaning about 60% in favor of my interpretation, however. I know そんな is often a colloquialism for “that’s nuts!” or “no way!”. I may need to impose imposed on my family in Japan again!


Edit: Oh, God. I fear this has something to do with enka. I’m now suspecting it’s about karaoke or at least about the song!. [FALSE ALARM (thank heavens).] Maybe not. It might be referencing a song by SMAP


Edit 2:

Daughter says:

こんな(おれ) or こんな(わたし) basically puts yourself down, so こんな俺でも is sort of like “even someone like me”. So @LaVieQ’s interpretation appears to be correct.

Translation attempt

Now that I know what’s going on, here’s my attempt at a 3-5-3

  1. こんなおれでもこの世ではオンリーワン

こんなおれ・でもこのよでは・オンリーワン

Even poor me
is the only me
in the world

Pro:

  • Keeps the meaning
  • 3-5-3 4-5-4
  • Simple

Con:

  • Introduces the word “poor”. I couldn’t think of any other one syllable way to put yourself down, though. “Pitiful” works with 3 syllables, but I like “even poor” better.

Edit:

Wife chimes in: “I think it might be implying the song 「世界に一つだけの花」by SMAP.:no_mouth:

4 Likes

Gonna sleep for now, and go through everyone’s versions in the AM. Reading today’s 川柳 is the perfect ending to my day :relieved:

My attempt:

even someone
lowly as I in this world
can’t be replaced

5 Likes

Aren’t “even poor me” and “pitiful me” both four syllables and not three? :sweat_smile:

1 Like

こんなおれでもこの()ではオンリーワン

even i
in a world like this
am unique

I keep changing my mind on punctuation/capitalization for these haha, but I thought this time I’d try something a little more radical.

3 Likes

Yup. I’m not sure why I wrote 3-5-3, I meant 4-5-4 of course.

I’m fascinated that none of us used the English words “only one”. :smile:

Wait, but doesn’t “in the world” have three syllables? :joy:

This is why I shouldn’t do these on the phone while distracted! :crazy_face:

“Whole world” maybe?

1 Like

Thursday, May 26, 2022


Previous senryu

  1. こんなおれでもこの世ではオンリーワン
    こんなおれでもこのよではオンリーワン
    even lowly / me — the only me / in the whole world

Notes:

  • Another fun one despite my struggles with advanced mathematics (uh, counting).
  • :confetti_ball: to Axazel
  • Final 4-5-4 result is a mish-mash from multiple entries
  • :trophy: to @fallynleaf

Current senryu challenge

Volume: Global Truths

  1. 相合傘濡れてるほうが惚れている

Lots of kanji today. I hope I’m not the only one that had to look up 惚れる.

I just tried my hand at this one, and once again I (probably wrongly) think the sentiment is easy to understand. The difficulty is turning it into three short stanzas of English!

Remember to please use the spoiler tag with your translation attempts! Also, please include the reading in kana with your submission.


Everyone is encouraged to participate, no matter your level!

Online tools like dictionaries, sentence databases, and even AI translation engines are fair game and can be extremely helpful. Yomichan is particularly handy if you use the Chrome or Firefox browser.

Here are the links to the 356 Japanese originals (spoiler free) and to the the spreadsheet with all the upcoming senryu as well as the translations to date.

2 Likes

Pretty proud of this one! Umbrella is such a long word to fit into a poem :sweat_smile: (having said that, it would have been nice to put it on the top line.)

あいあいがさ / ぬれてるほうが / ほれている

when sharing an
umbrella the one who’s wet
is more in love

6 Likes

I only knew this one from 一目惚れ!This is my first time seeing it stand alone. Pretty cool!

2 Likes

I like that. In fact, I think it works best as a one-liner. I’m starting to wonder whether the English equivalent of Senryu is one-liners rather than any form of syllabic prose.

3 Likes

Well done! I struggled with it for a bit, then threw in the towel.

Making multi-syllable words work is incredibly satisfying.

I wasn’t familiar with 一目惚れ either. To be fair, I read a lot more 囲碁(いご) and 大工(だいく) books than love stories!

2 Likes