There was fighting
The winning child is crying
That’s kindergarten.
I kept the same translation of 幼稚園 as everyone else, because it seems to fit the meaning of the component kanji (and gets me closer to 5/7/5 ). I would never use that generally, given I am from the UK and kindergarten is more a US term. I couldn’t decide whether to bother with the sense of も, I didn’t in the end, but could have gone for cries as well but I don’t like the way the shift in tenses work in that case.
As for the location of the subject at the end, I feel like this is something I’ve seen in Haiku where a few observations precede the reveal of the subject of the poem (Cold Wind / bright sunshine: / spring morning)
It strikes me that Senryu often feel more like aphorisms than poems (unlike haiku) and if I was going to translate with that in mind I would say “Nursery school is where even the winning child cries after a fight”.
That is fair, I think it is only really used in specific contexts, like darts scoring, or to describe a triple measure of drinks. Trebles all round is a reference to Private Eye, where it is used to signify back slapping celebration, usually by people who are profiting off corruption, incompetence or misfortune.
Yeah, that’s the Saxon part in Anglo-Saxon. Less that it was taken and more that it won the vote for what to call this thing where we put der kilder-en children
I made a unilateral decision to remove the final word “life” in the translation, it’s understood in colloquial American English and avoids introducing a word not in the original
Current senryu challenge
From the “various settings” volume:
待合室グリーン券を上に持つ
Remember to please use the spoiler tag with your translation attempts!
Everyone is encouraged to participate, no matter your level!
It’s actually for all JR, not just the Shinkansen. Most local trains don’t have reserved seets or グリーン車 tickets, but many special trains do.
It predates the privatization of JR (国鉄) for sure. I’m pretty sure it’s also used by other private and local railways in Japan these days (it would at least be understood).
I was totally baffled by this before reading the translations and explanations @Rrwrex@Gorbit99
My first-class ticket
held up
in the waiting room
Explanation: I really struggled with what this poem intended to get across. Then I imagined a crowded waiting room, and the futility of trying to get through, even if you have a first-class ticket or priority boarding. That’s the feeling I’m going for here. I have no idea if that was the intended feeling though!
I think it’s more about showing off, lording about. Or “despite appearances, I really am in first class”.
Years ago, I was always amazed at a long haul commuter train. The regular cars were always jam packed at rush hour, but the green cars were almost empty. The price difference for a ticket was only like fifty cents or something as I recall! (Of course, I only rode it occasionally - the 50% or whatever price difference for a monthly commuter pass would have been too rich for my blood, too).
Yes, I mentioned that earlier. Readers in other timezones are particularly disadvantaged.
Any suggestions?
My only requirements are that it remains roughly daily and doesn’t become too much of a chore for me (“lazy” was the right word). Both of these make posting at different times difficult.
It’s not really about the competition anyway (I should probably axe the ). As long as we stick with keeping spoilers spoiled, I hope people in other timezones can still enjoy the challenge.