Check My Translation Please!

Could somebody check my translation, please? I was reading Steins;Gate 0 and I came across a messaging board part with no English translation, so I tried it on my own. I also tried to preserve the internet lingo sound. I had a lot of trouble with some of the lines so I might have entirely misunderstood them. If nobody wants to do it, I understand. It is a a fair bit of text, but I’d really appreciate it. Below is my translation and pictures of the game text.

A summary of events up to now.
The Soviet Union began time machine experimentation, the Americans got pissed. “Hand the time machine over to us lol!” Soviet Union: “But I refuse”.
The Tousoku Jinei (Eastern Bloc?) and the Soviet Union got excited together “How do you feel now? Hey how do you feel now”
Notification: The Cold War has ended
America: “We aerial bombed Japan lol” Soviet Union: “Well then we’ll invade Japan~”
Us: “Uu that’s not good”  This is where we are now

The Soviet Union is awesooome. Hokkaido, Western Japan, and Kanto are RIP.
Guess next is the heartland. Run Nagoya residents!

Shut up you amateurs who don’t know tactics.
The SDF is retreating to set up a defensive line on the Fuji line.
They will counter attack soon

Fuji line www. You believe the imperial headquarters announcement www

Before long I doubt it’ll say one hundred million honorable deaths

That’s why amateurs should shut up.
Idiots like you are Japan’s true enemy.

Where did the right to collective defense go.
America doesn’t want to defend anything except Okinawa.
Even then it’s strange that just SDF troops are going to Siberia
They’ll protect the nation somehow.

You help defend you scum. Hurry up and join the SDF
There’s a deep shortage of soldiers

Perhaps conscription is starting?

If they conscript disgusting fat otaku, they won’t be of any use
Rather they’ll get in the way
It’s out of the question that this war isn’t for professional soldiers.

The disgusting fat otaku says he doesn’t want to go to war

There are hardly any capable professional soldiers left in the country
America flew them everywhere and everyone is restrained
You guys probably won’t even get draft notices.
Anyways, do you best. I’m a woman so I’m fine.

So in other words, if I get a sex change I’m saved ,ok?

As I thought, Japan’s enemies are the Japanese. Traitors.

Anyways, serious topic. Is it possible that Kansai will get divided up like Germany?

Most likely. There are also rumors that a provisional government will be establish in Okinawa.
America is set on protecting West Japan and abandoning everything else.
Given this incompetent government, it’s possible.

Flaming the government even at a time like this
This treasonous bastard

Government flamer www spy www

Strategically, America definitely cannot let go of Okinawa
They can definitely maintain a Japanese capital there
If you think of the pros and cons, making a provisional government in Okinawa is the best

So the guy bashing Okinawa up to now was you wwww

Therefore, shut up traitor

You should too. Posting on @channel at this time is proof that you’ve run away to Okinawa

Today’s “You’re one to talk” thread

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